- April 22, 2010
- 15 Comments
- Health & Beauty, Sparkle, Goodness, Awesome
No Pain, No Brain
This is not me.
The program also targets the entirety of my thighs/upperlegness MERCYONALLTHEEARTH you should see my new improved gait… Hunchback of Notre Dame, much?
The first exercise on the plan is the side plank. A veritable circus of fun for the obliques! My other trainer-friend Mandi of Trainer Momma demonstrates them in the video below. Her video is very more helpful than my drawrings to come…
Mandi and Darcy make it look so easy.
The rest of my program… another torture exercise is the V-Sit. I have added red to my drawrings to reflect the streaks in my hair. It is not blood, but totally could be because I am so close to dying in these pictures. You don’t even know.
The V-Sit
The v-sit one does not actually attack my obliques (but the Super Pudge part of my belly). I look a lot like a helicopter when doing it. It’s so bad I put cones around me at the gym. Safety first!
Then there are the torso rotations with the medicine ball. You’re *blinking* too… I can sense it.
Torso Rotations with Medicine Ball
You’re not going to believe this next one. Not. Unless you believe that Darcy is out to kill me or lost her mind:
Ball Pikes
I’M NOT KIDDING!!!! NOTKIDDING! NOTNOTNOTNOTNOT!!!!
Who does this?!
She does.
I do.
Death does.
But wait, friends… you. Just. Wait.
Look:
Balance Bar Squats on a Bosu Ball
Now pick your jaw up off the ground. It’s not a good look for you…
So. The Bosu ball squatty balance bar “I’m making my own rainbow because my body is raining sweat” move. This is really hard to draw… I squat and make the balance bar almost-touch-down right then swing up (WHILE ON A BALLLLLL!!!) to center then squat to almost-touch left.
Twelve times.
Each side.
TWICE.
*
This was what happened the first time she made me do this exercise. She’s the laugher in the pic:
Extreme Fatigue
It’s true. I fell. There were contributing circumstances (training session on the heels of painting the kids’ rooms 4 days straight). I have never gone “FULL TIMBER” before, and I have even run a full marathon.
Like I said, Darcy is SICK.
I think that’s partly why we get along so well.
I did not draw out all the stuff she makes me do. One involves me, on my hands and knees, and the cable machine. But I do it. Because I am committed, not to be confused institutional commitment, but I feel I am not as far from that as one might like to feel…
And after the multitudes of balancings and whathaveyou… I am tired. No, full-on fatigued. One would think the final exercise would be kinder, more subdued. Perhaps cleansing breaths and a toe point.
Nay.
This is Darcy.
Mother. Of. Pearl.
Oh Death where is thy sting?
I found it.
Double & Single Leg Squats on Incline (a.k.a. PAIN)
The first time I did these, after doing ALLLLLL the other circus-inspired exercises on my program… I had a gal come up and say,
Are back-flips next?
I said, “No. I am going home to die now.”
I have been dying a slow death for 3 weeks and I will die a little more tomorrow.
And while I am dying, Darcy is at Disneyland with her family… wearing MY jeans!
********
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15 Responses to “No Pain, No Brain”
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Those V-sits…My drill instructors used to make us do them…while wearing our boots. Uh huh.
Oh my gosh-you are so funny. I couldn’t figure out the red in your hair, but I just realized you have some spunky hair jazz in back. I like your rendition of your butt and boobs. So funny! Way to go! I just pulled my *non* stomach muscles last night putting Oliver’s sock on. Don’t ask why I still put his sock on….
man, yo, i know exactly what you’re talking about — but i don’t even really like my trainer. then again, might be harder to take a friend seriously — he’s kind of scary… which is useful. good luck!
also, the opposite is true too. no brain, no pain.
JOTS,
This was hysterical! love your “GO FOR IT” attitude…. Complain all you want but dang girl, you are doing it… loved the ending… dizzyland with your JEANS! ha!
LOVE IT! Too funny. And to show my absolute craziness, I think I might actually try to do some of these “moves”. I am NOT a runner like you — I’ve been doing the very-easy-for-people-who-are-entirely-out-of-shape Couch to 5k program (week 3 finished this morning!!). But it’s every OTHER day & so I’ve been looking for some things to do on the alternate days. May give these a try. Hopefully, I survive
Can I just tell you that your butt looks awesome?
I skipped working out this afternoon. Yes. It is true. I told myself yesterday that I would not skip working out this afternoon even though in an hour, I’m leaving to meet a friend for dinner at a restaurant that serves things that would warrant a workout. I would work out. I would shower. I would go and eat sensibly. Instead, I said Pfft to the workout. I’m just going to count the laughter and the living vicariously (except with a bigger butt) feeling that I got from reading this post as my workout. Thanks for pushing so hard! It’s the only way I’m going to get the results I want!
“Full Timber!” You crack me up. I tried those oblique plank thingies once. After about three on each side I was done for.
I’d love one of those Bosu balls. Ever tried standing on a regular exercise ball?! Me either.
Personal Trainers are “special” people:)
Them and proctologists.
Crack me up! I am laughing AGAIN at you falling off the bosu! You must tell everyone that we did go out for drinks after the workout! I believe in rewards! Keep up the awesome workouts and me and your jeans are having a wonderful time in the land of Disney!!
Wow! Just wow! I am in awe of your will! And those pictures made me tear up a little. Like sympathy workout pains. Now I’m feeling a little silly about my ten minute “toning” sessions and wimpy little walks. So do I get to feel up your abs at Blogher?
Maaaaaan. Maybe I should send you pack those candies, just so you have a sweet reward of Fiyah and Ice. Or cute guys on candy boxes to look at.
Well, now I have a ton more moves for my arsenal, I mean for my clients! Darcy is putting you through the best of the best! I’m jealous!
My friend Kim pointed me in your direction, Jenny, and I’m so glad, because you’re hysterical. Best of luck on your new workout regimen, and happy blogging!
I’m probably going to be sore just from reading this. I should have stretched first.