The Butt Series: “Old Man Kitsap” says…

I went for a little run around the “neighborhood”.

Since most of you are not familiar with my neighborhood… let me familiarize you with it. We live on a hill. What goes down…. must come up. It’s practically ALL UPHILL.

Also, we live outside the city limits – amongst the bunnies, raccoons, blackberry bushes, coyotes and a great deal of dirt. We even have a man who walks his pet goat.

I am not speaking in euphemisms. Goat walker, fa realz.

There is one section of the “block” where I must run along a good deal of two-lane traffic… a thoroughfare of sorts connecting two towns. At one corner… stands a man. In rain, snow, sleet. He stands at the corner.

Not the goat walker, a totally different person… but really… DOES IT MATTER?

Our corner-stander looks a lot like this guy, but less groomed:

I call him “Old Man Kitsap”. This man stands and holds a sign-of-somesort… flips off the lawmen when they drive by…  I rarely wave to this warm soul when I drive by him – no less that 3-6 times a day.

Word on the street is he likes to tell people where to get the weed and curse the gub’ment. This ol’ feller makes this mama feel a bit protective… suspicious… and hitherhencetofore – I don’t feel too bad not waving.

As luck would have it, Old Man Kitsap was standing in his usual spot when I went for my run.

As I appraoched the corner I made sure my earbuds were securely in. My head… down.

Through my music I hear him, “Butts”.

I thought… “HE BETTER NOT BE TRYIN’ TO TELL ME WHERE TO BUY THE WEED! THE WRATH OF MAMA WILL COME DOWN, YA’LLS!!!”

I pulled out an earbud and said, “I’m sorry. I missed that…”

I was just saying I don’t mean to offend… but your butt… It’s nice. It’s a small butt. I don’t see too many small butts in this county and it’s very nice to see… Very. Nice. Butt.”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!!!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!!!

And… I swear, he either gave me a half-salute or tipped an imaginary hat.

*ba dum bum*

#1 – Why can’t our local, scruffy, anti-government guy look more like, say…

I could totally do something with that!

The compliment, people. Why do you have to be so dirty?

Aaaaannd #2… I don’t have a #2 at this point.

Since I am Jenny On the Spot… I told Old Man Kitsap what was on MY mind,

I… uh… no…

and I kept running…

That hill? I was planning to mostly walk, butt… I mean BUT… I ran half-way up before my heart threatened to attack. It’s a LONG hill.

{Waits for praise and kudos}

I told my husband what happened. What did HE have to say?

Well, I never thought I’d ever have anything in common with THAT guy. He’s right. You do have a nice butt.

Men.

I could totally post a picture of my butt next to my friend Sara’s butt… it would totally disprove Old Man Kitsap’s claim.

But I won’t.

I’m not going to add anything other than 2 final simple observations:

1. someone may or may not have been hittin’ that hookah pipe too hard on the day of my run
2. and… one star may or may not be bigger than the other…

I’m no mathematician, butt…

photos: marler blog, video game movie casting, my friend sara’s wide angle lens (it HAD to be a wide angled lens…. please tell me it was a wide angled lens!!!

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