- October 19, 2010
- 18 Comments
- Social Media & Tech
Soapbox Alert: Kids on Facebook
Did you just flinch?
I do when I think about young kids on the FB.
At the risk of taking an unpopular stand… I say if a person is under 14, they should not be on Facebook… or MySpace… or Twitter… or… *insert your choice social network here*
COPPA says so too… fyi…
My reasoning:
- Safety. It’s too risky. Period.
- Predators.
- Safety.
- If many adults are not mature enough to behave online… then odds are kids are EVEN LESS MATURE.
- I want my own space.
- I WANT MY OWN SPACE.
- My 11 year-old son doesn’t want his 11 year-old not-friends having access to his mom… hitherhencetofore – HIM.
- I don’t want to worry about the kids he doesn’t want to share our pictures with.
- I WANT MY OWN SPACE, YO.
- It’s not legal. COPPA much?
- While some (the operative word here) parents do it right (allow their children access to these spaces with limits and guidance), many do not. MANY.
- Um… SAFETY. *ahem* and see above.
For example:
- I am not friends with my son’s friends/not-friends on Facebook. I am not Facebook friends with anyone under 14 (OK, 1… so sue me… we all have holes in our ideals, and this is that “exception” situation). However… some of MY friends are friends with my son’s friends/not-friends… and any privacy setting I have as “friends of friends” can be viewed by those kids. KIDS.
It is frustrating for me to not have a space I feel I can be an adult. Not that I want to post “adult” content, but… I know I am being watched… by children.
Dudes. What if some 9 year-old still believes in Santa and I blow it???!!!
I could completely block my information from everyone but friends… but people… this should not be my concern. My own kids, yes. Not others. I am not the parent of these young people. The parents of these children – THEY should be concerned… about what is appropriate and what is safe. Yet, I censor myself for the sake of someone else’s child.
Just think – I am mindful… but of all the friends of friends of these 7, 8, 9 and 10 year-olds… I wonder if all of THOSE friends of friends give a flying sh*t leap or have even thought about the fact that an 8 year old might be looking at their pictures or conversations. Not to mention the people who have no privacy settings set at all.
And should they really have to worry about that?
- Just today, I saw a 9/10 year old boy (the mother is a friend of a friend) write on his own wall — in an answer to a question from another young girl (it was clear she was young). He shared the school he attended. His entire profile is open. Videos. Pictures. Conversations… His given birth date would suggest he is 19… *lying much? that’s a great quality in a kid* His picture suggests otherwise AND suggests he could possibly be the next post-office rampager… aaaaaand apparently he is interested in women. He is 10. Or 9. I don’t know for sure.
That boy may very well be interested in girls. My first crush was in 1st grade… However, I was never asked to check a box to recognize whether I was interested in men or women. Adult. Adult. Adult.
OH. AND WHY WAS I SCOURING THE PAGE OF A 9/10 YEAR OLD BOY I HAVE NEVER MET???
BECAUSE I COULD.
His parents let me. His parents are essentially letting anyone scroll through their son’s videos and pictures… eventually finding the name of his school.
Does that creep you out? It creeps me out.
These spaces were created for adults. I believe there are a handful of parents helping kids safely navigate these spaces, but I think they are the exception and not the rule.
I’ll admit it. I am a bit of an alarmist. In a spectrum of paranoia, my needle points to the “high” side of the range.
In this space, what you don’t know can very well hurt… your child.
If something goes wrong here… it’s big wrong. From predators, to cyber-bullying to damaging families (kids say the darndest things…)…
As the old saying goes — Better safe than sorry.
Life has built-in risks. I question allowing high-cost risks to people who can’t even drive themselves to get french fries or a pop. Education helps.
Instead of me just throwing out stop signs and negativity… here are some things to wade through as you think about where you stand on this. Options for your kids, and information for you…
- My friend Kadi Prescott posted a great link on one of my Facebook groups today. It’s a post from Mashable – 5 Fun and Safe Social Networks for Children. Let’s face it… social networking isn’t going away. It would be foolish to forbid a child from any access and then set them free on their 14th birthday… I love the idea of a “social networking training ground”.
- My friend Cammie Moise founded Cyber Safe Family… it is a site robust with helpful information. Knowledge is power!
- Safety Web walks through setting Facebook privacy settings, and offers articles about online reputation, cyberbullying and more.
- I do not have any experience with Social Shield, but… it’s a resource I have come across. If your child is on Facebook, and you have concern or simply feel you need the added involvement, perhaps it’s worth looking into.
- The forum-type site, BitMoms outlines topics to talk to your kids about. If your children are online, at least start opening up conversations about things like cyber-bullying, grooming, pornography, Malware, internet addiction…
I just think there is too much at risk… from innocence to reputation to… … … … My concerns outlined here don’t even touch on cell phones or iPod Touches or YouTube. Parents. There is so much to think about. Literally. We cannot afford to be too tired or too old or too “adult” to bother with this stuff. Our kids are too valuable and simply, still kids.
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18 Responses to “Soapbox Alert: Kids on Facebook”
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oh you might not like me anymore… but my 13 year old is on facebook… as is my 15 year old. The others? (11, 8, and 6)? No FREAKIN’ way. Facebook follows the regulations which require users to be 13 – and my kids all know that I’m not going to bend any rules for them.
when their accounts have been set up I have been in charge of the privacy settings. I have been in charge of the password (and if it ever is changed without my being notified there are serious consequences) and they are required to add me as a friend. Yes, this limits what I can say on facebook… but not really – because I’ve learned to employ that nifty little lock tool in the bottom of my post boxes!
Perhaps it makes me a “hover mother”, but I DO regularly log into my kids’ accounts – make sure that their pictures are appropriate (they’re both boys) and we have a pretty strict limiter set on their computer anyway. Could they get around it? sure… they’re no dummies, but they know they won’t get away with it for long because I’m no dummy either.
Jenny my kids are so little but I am with you. I think like T above before 13 its off limits and then I will be all up in their stuff…and I suppose censoring mine more
I loves the internetz but it is a scary place for many reasons you gave. I think a lot after 13 depends on your child’s level of respobsibility. Some are just more mature than others.
Great post! I posted on bullies…we are all in this deep stuff today
My children had to be in high school, over 15 years old, and claim me as their friend. At the younger age I sit down with my child and review friend requests and ask who the person is, where they know them from, and do we know the family? If the answers are not within our parameters, the friend request is denied or my child makes a point of introducing me to the family in person. I do not seek their friends as my friends, but if their friend knows me and requests, then I will consider being their fb friend. I have messaged a few people about questionable posts as fb is their “public” image, and as such would be of interest to future employers… also the sarcasm or teasing that may be funny in a spoken moment may be less funny in a post or repost and even emoticons don’t give a tonal indication of attitude. One of my sons jokes about mom and his friends tease him about getting it trouble, but bottom line — I am there for my kids and they are cool with it…
I agree, I agree, I agree. My daughter does not. Anytime she wonders why, I ask her to name a friend. Then I proceed to show her ALL the information I can get about her, all the pictures, all the videos. Because clearly a parent isn’t teaching a child first about all the privacy issues and safety, and… then I point out that they clearly have had to lie about their age to even get on. Sadly, I think my viewpoint is in the minority. My daughter will be TRAINED slowly and completely as she slowly, very very slowly, enters the world of the internet and social media.
A to the MEN. I know a woman who lets her 2nd grader have a facebook page and it bugs the hell out of me. Every time I see her respond to her mom’s comments I cringe. You’ve made excellent points here and I applaud you for saying these things. Kate and I went over the fine points of her security and she allows me absolute access at any time, which I, in turn, do not abuse. Even then, I still had major reservations about letting her have the facebook account at age 15.
Great post!
ok. such perfect timing! My 5th grader has been hinting/bugging/whining about an email account, but mostly so she can get on facebook. THANK YOU for the COPPA! After I followed your link, I could show her that legally, an 11 yr-old cannot have a facebook page! A couple of her friends do. In the 5th grade. So, we looked over some of those options and are gonna have a chat with those friends’ parents about ‘switching’ everyone over..and if they don’t, at least I tried! And, we have already had the ‘if you do get an email, I will have access, and I will look, so be prepared’ talk. She knows that’s coming, so I will look, and check and teach her!!
This is such a great post! Funny yet so serious and important at the same time. Great resources too. My kid isn’t even a year old yet and I already worry about how we are going to manage the whole social network issue when she gets older.
Agree. Kids should not be on the interwebs any more than is required to research a paper due next week. Yet they are. I mean youtube is awesome! But that is only allowed w/ me or the dad present. As for FB, Twitter, MySpace, etc no way. Uh-uh. I told my oldest that when the age of 16 arrives FB will be considered.
Does this make me a hard nose or a hard a**? Probably. Do I care? Nope. I care for my kids. It is my job to protect them from as much as I can for as long as I can.
Is 16 to late? Probably. Will it really ‘kill’ them? No. Can I put up w/ the constant whine? Yup. I’m strong like that.
Might I change my mind and let it go earlier? Maybe. Maybe not. We’ll see when we get to that bridge.
There is a very dark side out there. VERY DARK. I have seen it. I have lived an extremely small part of it. But it’s real. It’s. Very. Real. Predator is such a nice word for what they really are. And they are crawling in our very own backyards. FB and the like let them into our homes!
I will fight for my kids. Forever. This is one of the small battles.
I totally agree.
But, can we also agree that your mother-in-law should also not be allowed to friend you? (Or your grandmother?) I know the MIL embarrasses the hell out of my 14 yr old nephew.
On the other hand, since he shouldn’t be there anyway, he can deal.
But I can’t.
Awesome post Jenny! Sometimes I threaten to post pictures of my kids messy room on FB. Is that bad?
Hey all – thank you so much for chiming in and sharing your thoughts.
T – I think if a parent is gonna allow it, then you are going at it from the right angle. My big problem is the parents who don’t… as you say “hover”. Like greensullivan shared – there is a big dark side. If we are going to let our kids have access, then we need to be sure we are the gate keepers.
Lisa – nope
Mommy_grrl… ah, yes… that IS an interesting point… *scratches chin*
[...] Soapbox Alert: Kids on Facebook [...]
I totally agree with you! My 11 year old niece is on facebook, and it INFURIATES me! I agreed to friend her only to keep an eye out on her, so to speak.
Another issue for me is all the apps the young ones tap into…not only are they taking private information, I wonder how much they affect the kids mentally and emotionally. For example, my niece has this “lover of the day” and “loser of the day” apps that (randomly?) pick her fb friends. Does she get that these are dumb games and not for real? Am I underestimating her?
Kids shouldn’t be social networkers….they need to learn to socialize IRL first.
I’m embarrassingly behind on my reader and just came across your fabulous mention of our BitMoms site! Thank you so much for sharing our free resource with your readers!
[...] Regardless… it worked and I was chosen to be contributing iVillage iVoice! Click on the badge above to see how they decided on the 15 iVoices… and unless there is a big hiccup (and there very-well could be… my video didn’t export right the first time…*yawn* for you but *stress* for me!) My first piece will go up on Tuesday. It was inspired by this post. [...]
YES Jenny! A thousand times yes! I have people pissed that I’m not friends with their kids and I’m always talking about reminding me to be the toothfairy…I would totally give the jig up! I could not imagine having something like facebook in high school let alone grade school…
SPEAK IT! This is a *great* post, thank you. My kids aren’t old enough to get online (except for the very occasional search for information for a school thang) and aren’t asking, but this stuff does sort of knock at the back of my consciousness from time to time. My hubby has told me that he worries about it already. A friend with 4yo twins asked me once if I ever worry about my kids posting naked pictures of themselves online, because she’s already worrying about that. Um… I had never considered that they might… do I need to worry about that? I think I’m teaching them better, but who knows – we do have an impulsive one. I’m scared now.
[...] parent yet, but amongst my most-savvy friends in social media with kids, like Jessica Gottlieb and Jenny on the Spot, many wait until they are/were 13 to sign up for Facebook. I found it interesting that those most [...]