- May 31, 2011
- 19 Comments
- Parenting/Family
Impending: Mothering During the Tween and Teen Years {hold me}
Or continues.
The drama.
I thought the drama of a 2 year old. Or 3 year old. Or even a 4 year old was all a grown woman could bear.
BUT I WAS WRONG.
In my home, we are teetering on the edge of teen-dom and in the thick of tweendom, and HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? A 9 year old girl and an almost 12 year old boy and…
I HAD NO IDEA.
Right now (9:49 p.m.) my husband is making an emergency run.
To the local “why-do-we-patronize-that-place-oh-yeah-because-they-sell-BenandJerry’sChubbyHubby” store.
Because my mental well being depends on it.
Yes, Ben and Jerry hold my sanity in a simple carton.
I have to hold back the details of the specific drama that befell our home tonight… simply because as my kids get older, I realize I have to protect them from one day getting slammed against a locker because their blogger-of-a-mother had loose lips finger tips.
I will say this, we did manage to stop short of anyone “tearing one’s own robes”. Thankfully we were able to keep things just under a King Saul level of distress.
But barely.
I may exaggerate. But… you know how it feels IN those moments. The drama can feel Biblical in it’s proportion. For both the tweens and the parents.
Why do I share this?
I am not sure. I have no point to make. Or lesson to share.
I just know this – the sun will rise and a new morrow will begin… I can’t help but feel this is just a foreshadowing of events to come, and I am not encouraged.
I thought dealing with a whacked-out 4 year old who was on the edge of being able to communicate was close to the toughest mental challenge a mother could face. But set that next to a 9-12 year old that CAN communicate but CAN’T because of all the strange things their bodies are putting them through, and…
Pray for me.
Do you have tweens/teens? Can I pray for you?
I’m serious. Have mercy on all our parenting tweens and teens souls!
2 conclusions so far:
- These next 12 years (I have a 6 y.o) will cost my children their inheritance… for it will be spent on Ben and Jerry’s
- It will also be spent on gym fees. Because I CAN and DO eat an entire pint in one sitting. *feels muffin top*
- I kid. There is no inheritance waiting for my kids. So I guess I am spending their therapy money on ice cream?
- Who am I kidding. They’re gonna pay for their own therapy. I have my own therapy to pay for.
- I’m kidding. I’m not in therapy right now.
- Operative words being “right now”.
I leave you with this… a picture. A picture of a happy family. Call it what you will… denial, positivism… But it’s proof that we are able to be happy together.
Or at the very least, fake it.
I’m kidding.
A little.
********
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19 Responses to “Impending: Mothering During the Tween and Teen Years {hold me}”
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Ohhhhh my lovely lady. I feel this. My kids are 10 and 15 and BOTH have seemed to have hormonal fits of ragehateapathyOMGTHEHOUSEISONFIRE over the last few months and yeah.
I’ll just say this. If they sell Ben & Jerry’s at Costco? Start getting it there, love. You’ll need it.
You mean to tell me life gets harder than the life I am living now? With a four year old daughter (going on 14) I’m going to stick to denial. It couldn’t possibly be harder than it is now!
Love the family pic
Good luck Jenny. The teen years TERRIFY me! Ben & Jerry’s better come up with some vodka-based ice cream flavor, because I think I’m going to need something stronger than chocolate (and caramel, and chunks of pretzels) to get me through.
I feel ya Jenny. My daughter is 11 going on 15 some days and it is so hard.
Some hours are great and then it snaps. Chaos.
Oy.
Enjoy them while you can.
And stick up on the chocolate. you are gonna need it.
Love the family picture!
um…..i got nothin. my last three years have been…..the hardest in my entire life. i would go back to three in diapers at once forever compared to what the teen years have brought. our entire family life changed because of one person. everything is based on moods and mood swings. it is so hard to deal with. emotionally exhausting. everyday. what i decided this year was that when our children are babies and toddlers we are physically tired. but then when they reach tween and teen…we are emotionally worn out. they can see what hurts us. they can try to twist things. we can see the hurt that comes from bad choices but they can’t. we just have keep trying. keep working. keep loving. keep praying. and i blame every bit of the 10 pounds i have gained in the past 3 years on her.
and there are 4 more to go!
so next time you see me you may not recognize me because i maybe 50 pounds heavier.
i read this verse yesterday from the message:
three things amaze me, no four things i will never understand -
how eagles fly so high in the sky,
how a snake glides over rocks,
how a sip navigates teh ocean,
why adolescents act the way they do.
proverbs 30
it’s been happening since the beginning of time and i took comfort in that.
hang in there sister.
and get yourself a mumu.
that would be how a sHip navigates tHe ocean….
Oh honey! I feel your pain. My 11 yr old girl was in complete, COMPLETE, meltdown last night. Thankfully, my husband has the patience of Job and talked her down. The 13 yr old boy is equally challenging.
Sadly, I’m lactose intolerant so my late night shopping run is for Suzy Qs. They make the world right again. Except that I need that muumu. We’ll pray for each other (especially for our waistlines).
oh my gosh I burst out laughing at the “hang in there sister and get yourself a mumu” comment!! That is so funny! Let me say as one who had 3 in diapers and now has 3 teens… diapers and tantrums are a walk in the park in comparison. Yes little ones are exhausting but teens are emotionally and mentally exhausting and exasperating in ways you just can’t imagine. BUT keep in mind they are fluttering, trying to flap and find their way to fly. A parent nearby who’s trying to help is bound to get hit with the flailing wings!
It does get rough and even ugly at times, but just keep praying for them daily and pray over your household. It really does get better. It’s awesome when you get to have adultish conversations with them and see their true self coming through! There are moments when they stun you with their kindness and maturity amidst all the drama and self-focussed thinking. All of a sudden the clouds clear and there stands before you a stunning young adult. Then you wish they’d stick around a little longer!
The teen years can drive you to drink, or to eat a lot of ice cream as the case may be, but it’s just as difficult for them. Keep praying, ask God to show you your child as He sees him/her and you’ll be amazed at the insights you will gain. Keep looking at their baby pictures, it helps you to remember why you love them so much! Love you Jenny girl!
AMEN!!! My kids are the same age as yours. This past weekend, we were camping with a two year old who decided one night to throw a monster temper tantrum. My mom looked at me and asked “Aren’t you glad you don’t have to deal with that anymore?” I looked at my son who was in a snit because I wouldn’t let him play the PSP and my daughter who was once again begging me for a Facebook page. “Nope. Toddlers were easy.”
I. Am. THERE. *passing the Chubby Hubby*
I keep telling myself to embrace this as another phase that I need to somehow enjoy because it will pass all too quickly. And then, I tell myself to shut the heck up because this is HARD.
My oldest is 14. My youngest is 7. There is a 12 year-old in the middle. I FEEL YOUR PAIN SISTAH!
Oh yes, yes I do have tweens. Well, tween. And no, no one tells you. And it should be a crime that they don’t.
I’ll send Katie to you for a week and you can see how well not killing them works out!
Oh Mama…..I do not envy thee one bit….and I expect that you will brief me on how to survive all of this when my THREE….count them THREE young ladies get to this point…. At a minimum, I will have to move to your neck of the woods so you can bring me Ben and Jerry’s.
Clearly there needs to be a support group.
It actually makes me feel better knowing that my girl is normal. I use that word loosely.
I thought it was just us!
Ah, the stuff they don’t tell you about Tweens (and the stuff you choose to block).
Everyone. ALL Y’ALL! I don’t even know where to begin… your encouragement and co-misery is the emotional hug I need – I guess we ALL need. I am encouraged this is common to man/woman.
I forgot to add in the post that at one point the 9 y.o., after being released from fear of consequence from mom and dad… she continued to cry. At one point she wept, “Now I just can’t stop crying…”
C’mon friends… GROUP HUG!
Yeah! I have a 13 and 20 year old boys. Sooner or later it get a little easy but then you have to shift into adulthood and it kind doesn’t work when they prefer to not go there. It is funny how he wants to be grown in some areas and others it is like he is still in the womb.
The little guy is showing signs of strange behavior but I try to ignore and hope it goes away. Ignoring the problem works for me. LOL
Ha ha ha ha. My son took to muttering “She’s a 13 year old girl” about 2 years ago and hasn’t stopped. Yes, one is not quite 13 yet and one is now 15 but 13 IS the witching age. Not just an hour or stage. Unfortunately, this is about the time they also get a myriad of things to do as far as “social life” so the pleasant “awwww yes, she was a terror this morning but look how sweet she is to cuddle with right now” part as often.
Good to note: around 16 our now 21-year-old started being a pleasant human to be around and at about 17.5 we apparently received our brains back.
Amusing to note: 21-year-old called just after we dropped 15-year-old off at a party on Sunday. I explained a location change (at a BOY’s house instead of a park in light of downpours) and that no, I hadn’t thought to ask if there were parents going to be there. She proceeded to lecture me for about 15 minutes (her other mother was driving) about teenagers. (where I might have asked once or twice about whether all the things that I asked and didn’t let her do had kept her out of trouble–”No, but but but but”)
The lectures continued. I then encouraged her to write me an email with complete parenting advice since she knew so much about raising children now. Her other mother may have laughed really hard. I am still waiting on the email.
oh dear, I have an almost 12 year old girl and will definitely trade prayers with you. ready? go.
PS thanks for letting me touch your hair. ; )