- January 10, 2011
- 18 Comments
- Make Me Laugh Monday
I Should Be Ashamed. But It's Late and I Am Lacking Good Judgement.
Late + writing = over-sharing
And apparently, word problems.
Typically, Mondays are my “Make We Laugh” days, but I’m coming up tired blank.
I did laugh pretty hard recently when my friend told me something to the tune of “You have it all together.” She said something about my house always being clean.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA.
*dying of laughter*
Sweet hallucinations deceptions mercies.
- My house appears clean (operative words in italics), because you have only come over when I know you are coming over. And also, do not go into my bedroom.
- Every night my husband and I have to unload my “pile of good intentions” off the bed so as to not sleep, etc… *ahem* on clean laundry, papers that need to be filed, hair clips, costume jewelry and miniature bags of coffee, business cards, and always at least one Flip camera.
- My inbox(es). Don’t even start me.
- In fact, my youngest’s poor teacher has to email me in ALL CAPS if she really needs a reply.
- I am a HORRIBLE PERSON.
- But it works.
- The ALL CAPS
- Not the horrible person part.
- I got my eyebrows waxed the other day… and I swear I lost 5 pounds.
- Who has time to tend eyebrows?
- Or trim fingernails?
- Don’t look at my fingernails, nor the fingernails of my children.
- Please.
- Wait.
- Or DO, and while you do… make sure you have a pair of nail clippers handy… m’kay?
- I get emails/texts and have conversations far too often with friends who ask, “What is the best way to get a hold of you?”
- I have no idea. I haven’t returned my own phone call in weeks.
- It’s true.
- But I do I email myself to remind me of things only to end up cussing at myself for filling-up my inbox.
- I AM A MESS.
- I haven’t worn my retainer in 3 nights.
- Because I haven’t cleaned it.
- Ew.
- My kids and their underwear… they ALL own a lion’s share of pairs of undies, yet… where is a clean pair?
- I have said… true story ahead… “Turn them inside out. I’ll wash today. Promise.”
- Desperate times, people… deseperate times…
- I have heard back, “I turned them inside out 3 days ago. It’s just gross NOW, MOM!”
- JUST NOW???
- !!!
- ?!?!?!?!?!
- !!!!!
- I think my days as head laundress are numbered.
- Indeed.
- The new low was at Christmas.
- (Because 3 days of my child having to wear turned-inside-out undies was not low enough…)
- When my beloved parents found themselves on my living room floor… sorting socks on my behalf. They nearly drowned.
- In socks.
- *feels shame*
- I think they’d rather drown in money.
- As would I.
- They love me and I love them and I have never been more humbled in all my life.
- Except maybe that time after giving birth to my first (29 hours, back labor, epidural expired… LONG story…) and at the “new-parent-check-out-class” the next day… the lady who GAVE BIRTH TO TWINS…
- BREECH
- said, “OH. So YOU were the one screaming.”
- She *had* to wait for me to get out of the delivery room (yes, there was only one delivery room) before she could deliver… and heard my every howl.
- While she “breathed” and “focused”… I’m sure. And waited on me.
- Oh….. and did I HOWL.
- Hey, I’m good at something… and anyone who doesn’t howl in that kind of pain… is NUTS.
- NUTS.
- A person is not right in the head if one doesn’t let out a many-a-howl when passing A HUMAN.
- *shivers*
- Reminder: back labor… 29 hours… NO EPIDURAL… when I thought I had an epidural.
- I was young. I was delirious…
- I WAS PASSING A HUMAN.
- I won’t share the rest… other than to say I am amazed I have any innards remaining inward.
- You have no idea.
- Or perhaps you do.
- And if you do… I embrace you, my Sister.
- I digress. Big surprise.
- The socks…. my parents… being humbled and having it all together???
Have it all together???
Clearly, not.
BUT… I DO have a good Mama and Daddy. Their love? The purest, deepest, unconditional love.
So, I guess I own them a huge thanks… for helping me perpetuate the image of “having it together”.
But let’s face it, if they didn’t, then THEY would look like bad parents… having a daughter who doesn’t have it together, so…
Mom. Dad. Can you come back? The basket is getting pretty full… Our reputation depends on it.
#lovethem
#somuch
********
Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…
Get Jenny On The Spot by RSS or EMAIL or newsletter!
Follow JOTS on Twitter, join the Facebook Fan Page and/or Networked Blogs!
18 Responses to “I Should Be Ashamed. But It's Late and I Am Lacking Good Judgement.”
Use the Form Below to Leave a Reply
I feel your pain! My wife was induced for 2 days straight, of course at a Navy Hospital in Jacksonville, Fl. They then released her after 2 days after my complaining. needless to say, before we even got home, the head obgyn called to say, get back here immediately. They did a C-section. My youngest son came in weighing 10 pounds 11 ounces, no wonder why inducing didn’t work. #justsaying #duh
Since when could you see into my life?? Great post…made me laugh…and commiserate…deeply…lol
when you spread your wings and fly, a part of your life is earthbound. like socks. and feeling disorganized. . your skills and talents are being honed and stretched. your capacity to love and shed light are magnified.
your kids can do their own laundry, separate baskets except for the littlest one. it helps. really, it does. husband’s basket is in his closet. he does his own.
the table inside the door has a longabergers basket for each family member. their effluvia goes there. the widgets and thingies and piles stop at the front door. each member is responsible for their own widgety basket.
your inbox? good luck, you are on your own.
I have always said that if I won the lottery, I would only wear a pair of socks once, throw ‘em away and then wear a new pair the next day. lazy? wasteful? or bliss?
Laughing over here, I adore that photo of your parents and the sock mountain. God bless them in their kindness and I can tell you might be a little behind, but you are a SMART woman to accept the help of others. Laughing again now at the poor children saying NOW mom. You’ll get there. It is the same all over. We call our kids the sock beggars….walking around begging for socks all the time. I may have gone overboard when at Christmas they each had around 4 packages each of various undergarments, and they were sooo happy!
*sigh*
Laundry bites.
i have other underwear issues of my own. Clearly I haven’t really been studying my daughters underwear until now. She has several holes in her undies…I haven’t bought her new ones in months…
Yikes.
Put new undies on the list.
WILL get them. I promise.
Good luck on the inbox thing.
Yikes.
socks multiple when we are sleeping.
Just sayin.
OH I got a mention in your post as a “friend”!!! LOVE it!!! I’m on my way to fame and stardom. But seriously the only part of laundry that I do these days is loading and unloading the dishwasher. It is Jonny’s job for now. Last year it was Samantha’s job. If they want me to make dinner then there are a few things around here that I HATE – double Hate – Loathe ENTIRELY. Folding Laundry and unloading the dishwasher are those two things. And I just won’t do it Captain! Jump on the bandwagon of delegating household chores lady – You’ll get to your inbox sooner!! Loves ya!!
Laundry…oi. I also battle this behemoth. As I type this, I have three overflowing baskets of laundry to fold, a load in the dryer and a load in the washer. I won’t tell you how much is waiting to be done. And it doesn’t help that no one seems capable of remaining the same size around this house! Between my shrinking waistline (woohoo!) and my kids growing like an experiment gone awry (not woohoo), I am constantly washing clothes just to put them in the donate pile. Then I need to buy new clothes…that I have to wash!! AAAHHH!!!
good for you for LETTING them help.
i always say no no no.
and then think “what is wrong with me?!”
we all have laundry.
thank goodness.
it bonds us all together….we are ONE in the laundry feud.
Thank God I’m not alone. And, I have to remember the turn it inside out trick.
Winks & Smiles,
Wifey
Having our nanny was spoiled me for life. When Liv goes to school, I don’t know what I will do. I.can.not.go.back.to.all.that.laundry.
Oh and ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww on the inside out thing! I am WAY too icked out to do that. I would send them commando.
When you have three inch CHIN HAIRS that no one tells you about, we’ll talk.
Not that I know anything about that *chin hair whistles*. Ew.
I totally had a similar birth and howling experience with both girls, and I’m pretty sure I punched my doctor in the teeth….Well, I really wanted to.
This was a brilliant unintentional/intentional Make we laugh Monday! Thanks.
I (and my chin hair) needed a laugh:)
Oh Jenny–you make me feel so good–you make me laugh and make me feel better about my gawd-awful state-of-affairs around here…but what’s MY excuse–I don’t work–and have one less kid! Yikes–I’m really a mess! But my living room is now painted–as is my kitchen!!! So that’s something! I still haven’t unpacked from our trip to Bend–from 2 weeks ago! Ugh!
I wish I was your next door neighbor so that I could come match socks for you. I’m sorry you feel out of control. I felt like I had reached my limit right before Christmas. It comes in waves.
Bring your socks to Blissdom and we will have a folding party.
ps. I hope I’m not adding too much to your to-do list.
Hi Jenny,
The picture of your parents sorting socks is HILARIOUS! Wish my mom would just move in and sort socks for me all week. I wrote this rant about laundry recently
http://www.theaums.com/2011/01/mt-laundrycoming-clean-about-my-dirty.html
Take care!
#iVoices
Actually brought tears to my eyes seeing your mom and dad doing something as lowly as matching socks for you! No glamour, glory, or fame in matching socks at all, except maybe when you’re doing it for someone else. Just to be helpful. To be kind. Really sweet!
My mom folded all my laundry on the day before Christmas. She just kept going into the basement to bring more upstairs.
My son more often goes to the dryer to get clean pants, than his drawer, true story. My daughter, I grab seemingly clean undies (sometimes) from her dirty hamper and tell her they’re “clean enough”
Honestly, I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one. We did get a new dryer on thursday tho, thats pretty exciting. Haven’t used it yet tho.
Sorry about the late comment, I’m just catching up on my google reader.