- September 5, 2010
- 9 Comments
- General, The Confessional
The Confessional: I Am Afraid of Bugs
I don’t care. Call me a wuss, a weenie, a wimp… but I do not like bugs, es-stinkin’-specially if they fly. Es-stinkin’-speciallier if they are bigger than a pea… say, for example — a dragonfly!
This guy broke into my house one evening when my husband was gone. For fear of my own life, I hunkerd down in my bedroom for the evening, and let him come to a natural demise. I found him on my hallway floor the next morning.
ONLY because Lucy freaked out and said, “Please throw him away, Mama! I’m scared!” I covered him with wipes and tissues before trying to dispose of his body. Despite my most tender efforts, I still crackled his wings, which threw me into a gagging fit of gagging.
***
Bugs. They make me scream like a girl. But I am a girl, so… sue me. People say,
They’re more scared of you than you are of them!
To that I say,
BULL. HONKY. LIAR, LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!
Then I say,
#1 bugs don’t HAVE feelings. #2 SHADDUP!!!
Sure, I am bigger than most bugs. But I CAN’T FLY!!! They are faster, dumber and CANNOT BE REASONED WITH because…
THEY ARE BUGS!
And some of them sting and it has been rumored that some could kill me if their fangs were long enough. And have you seen my hair???!!! Wings + my hair = areyoukidding me???
AGH!
Sinister wee beasts of the devil.
Hitherhencetofore… I am afraid of bugs… spiders… For that matter, I am also afraid of mice and rats and sting rays and jelly fish and coyotes and bears and lions and tigers.
And at times, my children.
And sloths.
Wildlife. WILDlife.
Yeah.
********
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9 Responses to “The Confessional: I Am Afraid of Bugs”
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“sinister wee beasts”… ha!!! Once again, I heart you for the gift of laughter you bless me with!!
This is how I feel about wasps. Which I’m certain sustain life by breathing air and living off of evil. Eee-ville. Like the fru-its of the de-ville. Eee-ville.
this was so funny. My little bro is 6ft4 and 300lbs and has the *exact* same reaction to bugs.
Ha ha ha! You are so funny, Jenny – and I must say, that dragonfly was *HUGE!* Dayum! In college I was the go-to person when my roommate & hallmates were standing on their beds screaming about the bugs. I “saved” them so many times… city folk. ha ha! Though now that my kiddos think that roly polys are fun to play with, I find that I am more skittish than I thought. They want me to *pick up* the bugs! Um, no. Not with mah bare hands.
Also? I love your new artwork & lettering up there at the top of your bloggety blog.
You should have totally called us–we would have swooped in and Ryan would’ve picked that bug up and kept him for LIFE in a jar on his night-stand! Dragonflies are my favorite bugs! Spee-iders, on the other hand–I hate with a passion and gag at the very thought of them!!!!!! And the other morning I walked right smack into the middle of a huge web and freaked out like a school girl (whatever that might be like) at 6:30 in the morning–my neighbors must have thought I was a koo-koo!!!
I like how you put a pen next to it for scale. LMAO.
Dragonflies only live a few days, so odds are you could totally wait until it meets it’s natural demise. Spiders, on the other hand, they are OK (not to touch), but since I came from a Catholic/Italian home, I know all the superstitions. Really bad luck to kill a spider. Ask my sister. She killed them all the time, now she is going through a bad divorce. Coincidence? I think not! Respect the spider. If one moves in, ask it if it needs anything to make it’s stay more enjoyable.
Yup.
[...] I guess they don’t have to have stingers… I’m thinking I am just pretty much afraid of flying things. [...]