Free advice to parents of preschoolers.

It’s taken me 3 kids and 9 years to figure this one out:

When you need your preschooler to put on his/her shoes, dont ask: “Do you want to put on your shoes?” I am here to testify… JOHNNY WILL NOT WANT TO PUT ON HIS SHOES. Remember, these little people are aspiring nudists. It is up to us to teach them the positive benefits of clothing. It takes effort, mommies and daddies… Derailing the inner nudist is hard work.

However, this piece of wisdom does not only apply to shoes and clothing, but to EVERYTHING: bedtime, food choices, clean-up time…

Even the cutest preschooler with a pretty pink bow on top will politely say, “NO”, and suddenly your need for her to wear shoes becomes negotiable. I implore:

Never open the door to the idea of “negotiable!

If you do, it is possible you will die… if not you, then your principles. Because these little people do not negotiate. They terroroize. The sweet little, “No, fank you.” Becomes, “NOOOOOOOOOO I don’t want to wear shoes!!!!!!!!!! No shoes, noshoesnoshoesnoshoesnosoes!!!!!!!!!!!!” Heads spin… you consider calling a priest, and you’re an atheist! See what happens to your principles… your very belief system?!

I have walked through the fire.  I have lived through it to tell you this: Ante up, lay it on the table…

Kiddo. You’re gonna wear shoes when you walk on the hot coals at our family initiation reunion today. Do you want Mommy/Daddy to do put on your shoes, or do you want to do it?”

*****

A word on socks. Socks are not necessary. You may not believe that if you are still in the “idealist” phase of parenting. Say it with me,

Socks are not necessary. Socks are are not necessary. Socks are not necessary…

Cut yourself some slack, let something go… The McDonald’s play place rules says socks are required, but they’re lying. If you get through parenting without your child going sockless in a McDonald’s playplace… then you are not real. You are a hologram. Or maybe the Antichrist.