They Are At It Again – My Searchers

Before I head off into my den of silliness… don’t forget about about the Office Max and Adopt-a-Classroom campaign — A Day Made Better Giveaway. See this post for details on how YOU can win some cash for a teacher of your choice!

Also – join me Tuesday night (9/22) for #gno from 9-11 ET where we will be discussing how to help kids succeed in school with #omx & @adaymadebetter . RSVP to Mom It Forward! I’m going to be joining the panel there!

And – Friday night (9/25) – it’s another Twitter party! #typeamomathome ! Mama in Pajamas (@mamainpajamas) and I will be hosting… you know since we will be at home while the Type-A Mom Conference will be going on in NC *dying inside*, and not in either of our homes, and instead of being completely left out we will be hosting and you will be joining us… and also we will be giving prizes… it’s true *takes a breath*and then I hope to go out and dance and pretend I am at a Type-A Mom cocktail party and not cry because I am here and not there and… please join us there if you are at your “here” and not there. *blinking*

***NEXT!***

My beloved searchers… The folks who get to my home here on the interwebz because they typed just the right thing… I stand in awe… of your… your…

*shakes head*

I am not only in awe about how some actually make it here, but…but… who ARE these people? You know, some inquiries makes sense, like (inquiries in italics)…

• Jenny tam tam tambourine – Wellll, I am am a tambourine FORCE!
• dancing is my passion – Can you feel the passion? I felt the whiplash…
• what makes me awesome – Uh… see above? Hello? It’s basic math, people. Tambourine + dancin’ =  me AWESOME.

Aaanywho.

But other things just leave me baffled. Things like:

• popcorn garland ants – WHOOOO searchesforthat?
• two bad girls – Oh. They must be talking about Lisa and me. But I wouldn’t call us “bad”, unless they mean “bad” in a “fist bump” sorta way…

• pimp my butt – So that is just made out of wrong.
• what to do when someone reads your personal thoughts – Check my blog stats? Throw a party? Isn’t that why we bloggers eat and breathe… Read me baby, read me… Also, don’t forget the Blogger Mantra: Bloggers do it for the comments.
• pills to make your butt big – This inquiry reminds me of the last gorgeous red apple at the top of the apple tree… The one just. Out. Of. Reach… I just don’t get it. Never will I seek out such a pill. NEH. VAH.
• what happens when you eat an entire bag of oreos? – What? “Oreos”. Is that a language only spoken in uncivilized tribes? *monchmonchmonch* I’ve never heard of an “Oreo”.*wipes crumb off chin*
• teen - I get traffic for “teen” this and “teen” that and all kinds of butt-related inquiries. Some of these keyphrase searches would make a even the most experienced adult film star blush. I imagine. However, I am not familiar with the blush-rate of adult film stars, so I won’t put money on that statement.

I’ve been getting a lot of drug traffic lately too *heh*. I will *** out the vowels, so as to deflect more drug hits… er..  you know what I mean:

• can you smoke x*n*x on foil - dunno. Didn’t know it was smokable.
• what are x*n*x called in thialand - Uh. Curious much?
• x*n*x makes my urine stink - Why are you telling me this?
• can a c*c**n over dose be saved – *blinking* I got a big headache on the maryjawanna smoke back in the 91. Grad Night at Disneyland… during the NKOTB concert. I thought the guys in front of us had a peace pipe or somethin’. Let me put it this way, in the life I lead, 4 Ibuprofen are my big kick. Maybe a little melatonin at night…. or vodka.

I supposed the drug search results mean some bot embedded something in my code… That sounds naughty.

I digress.

I know my Google RSS feed reads like a phamacy catalogue these days. Grrrr… I hate technical issues. I need help, but free help… OR I could trade for glitter lessons. Y’alls know I know how to werk tha glittah. Aaaand the microphone…

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Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

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