21 (maybe 23) Things I Never Knew: Parenting and A Few Other Things

You know how you “know”.

Then it turns out you. like, totally didn’t.

WELCOME TO LIFE FOR ALL MANKIND.

Which reminds me of a quote:

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself. Mankind. Basically, it’s made up of two separate words—‘mank’ and ‘ind’. What do these words mean? It’s a mystery, and that’s why so is mankind.

Jack Handy

Onward.

21 Things I Never Knew Until I Knew Them

1) During those first years of motherhood, I never knew I’d ever get a full night’s sleep ever again. EVER.

2) I knew it would be prudent to save for college (note to self: do THAT!), but I never knew we also SHOULD HAVE BEEN SAVING FOR GYMNASTICS AND BALLET AND SOCCER AND SEWING CAMP AND CHILDREN’S THEATRE AND SHOES!

3) I NEVER KNEW HOW FOND I WOULD GROW OF THE CAPS LOCK ON MY KEYBOARD.

4) I never knew a 7 year-old girl could break me.

5) I never knew a gum graft could be so painful. Nor did I think a video about my gum graft would be one of my most viewed videos on YouTube.

6) I never knew that my son, who was insane and impossible as a toddler, would become a really, REALLY rad 13 year old boy. I just assumed I would have had to send him to military school.  I was so wrong.

7) I never knew I would be considering homeschooling. Again. Yes, pray for me on this one.

8) I never knew 2 shots of espresso poured over a scoop of french vanilla ice cream tastes like heaven. HEAVEN PEOPLE.

espresso over ice cream

9) I never knew I would become a person who loves their dog. Shhhhh. Don’t tell Kevin.

Kevin the dog

10) I never knew when I started this list that I’d forget what I knew and now am wondering how to come up with 11 more things I now know that I didn’t once know before. You know?

11) OH! I know! I never knew odd-numbered lists do really well. People like odd numbers. GO FIGURE.

12) Before last week, I had never thought about the mating habits of slugs. BUT NOW I KNOW. (Click here for photo if you dare. Out of respect for YOU I will not post it here… xoxox)

13) Before kids… I never knew that a trip to Costco by oneself (WITHOUT CHILDREN) could feel almost as good as drinking a drink with an umbrella in it whilst sitting on a warm beach… while young cabana boys fetch you water and grapes.

14) I never knew I would have become a triathlete. (WAS) (Currently… let’s say I am ON SABBATICAL…HIATUS???)

15) I never knew a clean house would make me feel so ridiculously happy and worthwhile. I feel happy and worthwhile less than I’d like…

16) I never knew having a garden could be so fulfilling.

17) I never knew fedora would be so fun to wear!

18) I started blogging in 2004. I never knew I would still be doing it in 2012.

19) I never knew it would be so hard to come up with 21 things I never knew.

20) I never knew how much I hated doing laundry until I became a mom.

21) I almost never drank liquor until I had kids. I know this isn’t technically an “I never knew”. Please see #19.

22) I also never drank coffee until I had kids.

23) Also, I was a really, really, REALLY great mom BEFORE I HAD KIDS.

Ooops. That was 23. I have always known I am not good at math.

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10 Responses to “21 (maybe 23) Things I Never Knew: Parenting and A Few Other Things”

  1. Michelle W says:

    I always knew you were awesome, though.
    Always!
    ~Michelle

  2. Angie says:

    I never drank coffee until I got married.

    I never knew how much I hated carpet until I had a kid. Who puked strawberries on it. And spilled hot pink nail polish on it. (it’s ivory carpet, btw)

    And good luck on the homeschooling decision. That’s been our plan from the beginning with our girl. She’s only 2 now, so check back with me in a couple of years ;)

    Oh, and I’m totally going to try the espresso over vanilla ice cream – sounds delish!

    • OH. MY. Strawberry vomit is not of the good! Homeschooling… I will ;) I have done it before… I know I can, but I don’t know ;) And yes… GET ON THAT ESPRESSO?ICE CREAM THING. You will not regret it!

  3. Tanna says:

    So awesome! I tell you- my list is now running rampant through this brain of mine :)
    P.s. I homeschool ;) did you know this? Xoxo

  4. Jen says:

    I never knew that I could smile so much until I started reading your blog.

    *muah*

  5. Emily G says:

    Ha, a great mom before kids … I think we all imagine our selves as Barbara Billingsley-esque (aka PERFECT) mommies! Looks like you do a pretty awesome job though!! Also, I struck a chord with your “feeling happy and worthwhile less than I’d like” … how melancholy :/ This is why we need female friends, to encourage us when we are slumpy.

  6. Jenn Parke says:

    Sounds like we could all write a lengthy list of the things WE KNOW about you! Awesome, funny, gorgeous, genius, real….. and we can go ON AND ON AND ON!!!

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