Confession: Best If Used By… and some words on homemade pie crust.

This is my confession… The label read, “Best if used by JUNE 2002

expired spice via @jennyonthespot
This is a bottle of ground cloves… that would have been best used TEN YEARS STINKING AGO.

IN MY DEFENSE:

  1. At least it wasn’t MEAT.
  2. That’s all I got.

I don’t make pumpkin pie every day, people!

Or every year, for that matter.

I mean, Costco kinda wins when it comes to the pumpkin pie baking competition.

Why reinvent the wheel when you can buy it already invented and BIG.

But I’ve been getting back to my domestic roots, and let’s face it folks – PUMPKIN PIE FROM A CAN ISN’T HARD.

And, to make matters easier — I don’t make my own crust.

EVER.

I know my strengths and weaknesses. I choose to put energy into developing my strengths.

Homemade pie crust is not one of my personal strengths.

When people use the idiom, “That was easy as PIE!”, I assume they are talking about pie with crust they purchased from their grocer’s freezer section.

Because – DUH.

Adding a homemade crust into the equation of pie is the equivalent of slautering your own cow when it comes to making a hamburger.

Just sayin’.

I don’t slaughter cows and I don’t make homemade pie crust.

So there.

But about that pumpkin pie I made for Christmas dessert…

Expired ground cloves aside

I forgot to add the sugar.

Which wasn’t realized until I FINALLY got a good bite of my pumpkin pie when it was unaccompanied by a big ol’ bite of whipped cream.

OH, and of course all the children…

“OH! ICK!”

“UUUUGH WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS PIE?!”

“YUUUUUUUCK!”

Good thing we had back-up:

chocolate pie, pumpkin pie, banana pie via @jennyonthespot
A couple other holiday pie faves around here are Marie Calendar’s Satin Cream Pie *I die*, and banana cream… by banana “cream” I mean “graham cracker crust, bananas, vanilla pudding, and Cool Whip”.

When I say, “easy as pie”, I am talking about our banana cream pie.

And to be clear: that graham cracker pie crust? I BOUGHT.

I’m not kidding. Why fret over pie crusts when you can be busy forgetting to add sugar to your pie and keeping spices 10 years too long?

So much to lower the bar on, so little time…

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5 Responses to “Confession: Best If Used By… and some words on homemade pie crust.”

  1. Michelle says:

    Oh my goodness. My chef husband actually did that for Christmas too. He put in only 1/4 amount of the sugar required when scaling down a recipe {read: we are not a mathy family}.
    Our sweet girl suggested that we add some buttercream frosting {which is all butter and sugar}. Smart girl. Problem fixed.
    Moral of the story: Butter and sugar fix EVERYTHING.
    The end.

    ~Michelle

  2. Vanesa K says:

    Bahahahahahaha! I love it when reading can bring you to laughing out loud. I put myself in those sparkley shoes of yours. And I am sure I have done all of the above.
    I myself have made ONE pie crust from scratch. It is crossed off the bucket list…and I can die feeling satisfied. ;) Pillsbury does it so well. Haha!

    You make me giggle. Now I will slumber in happy thoughts of your family gagging on pie. Sigh…it is the little things.

    • Hey Vanessa! So much… the little things… it’s aaaaalllll in the little things. And I have made a crust or two. You nailed it – I can say I did it and that’s good enough for me!!! xoxox, darlin’!

  3. thank you for reminding me about the Costco pumpkin pies! (Yes, I quit baking them when I found them at Costco…..)

    One more thing on my “back to America” list: get a new Costco card!

    However, my mom is the QUEEN of “oh, it’s not bad yet since its not opened.” You have to check everything at her house before you use it, unopened and opened. (Tonight’s salad dressing? Best by March 2012. Eeeew.)

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