- March 7, 2010
- 11 Comments
- Joel, Lucy, Parenting/Family
My Baby is Growing Up! Make Her Stop!
My Lucy.
This is not her birthday letter. I still have one more week before my baby turns 5 *gripping chest*.
As hard as it has been to to been the mother of a baby, toddler and/or a preschooler over the past (nearly) 11 years… I am waving a reluctant goodbye. Lucy was born when Joel was 5 and Olivia was 2 (almost 3)…
The pregnancy of my sweet and spicy Lucy came as a great surprise. And as I sit here thinking back to the morning I peed on that damn stick… I can’t believe the twists and turns life has taken our family… all because of this one little girl.
And here I sit. With one week left of “4″. I am done having babies. I am sure I am fine with that… yet I feel pangs of sadness as I slowly wave goodbye to my identity as a mother of a preschooler. What day will be the last day I will carry her on my hip? When I set her down… will I know that was our last?
Can you hear me sobbing?
I don’t want more babies, yet I am just not quite ready to move on.
It is a bit of a crisis for me. Getting out of such a dependent stage of parenting is something I have longed for. So why am mourning? I have dreamed of our mutual independence since my first days of having children… The long, sleepless days & nights that I realized… “Being a mom of babies/preschoolers is stinkin’ HARD WORK!” The dependence, the diaper bags, the bottles, the diapers and wipes and Cherrios and Zwieback crackers and sippy cups and car seats… poop, shots, spit-up, tantrums… sweet smelling bald baby heads, soft toes… the warm tiny body that melts into your chest… heart to beating heart… I’m a mess! I totally blame my kids!!!
One night last week, my son Joel (edging in on 11) thought our dog (Kevin) had a nightmare. Joel decided to sleep on the floor by Kevin to comfort him. My sensitive boy. The boy who argued to have a puppy instead of a grown dog because he wanted to have something to snuggle…
When Lucy heard that Kevin had a nightmare, she hurried to his side and snuggled him and pet him and cooed over him, “Poor Kevin. Are you alright??? Poor Kevin…” Then she shouted downstairs to her brother,
I LOVE YOU JOEL! JOOOOOOEL!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
The only time Lucy has said “I love you” has been in return. I was surprised at her oozing over her big brother. I asked, “Lucy? Why did you just tell Joel you love him?”
Because he took care of Kevin!
Her eyes beamed. She was clearly moved by her brother’s act of compassion.
It’s so exciting to watch one’s kids grow… assuming they are growing in a good direction *nervous laughter*. The level of delight in my life has increased immeasurably because of the surprise I discovered growing within me in July of 2004. It has not been an easy road, but it is a road I would travel forever because of my Lucy.
Lucy means “Light”, and she has lived up to her name. The upcoming week is going to be exhaustingly busy, but it is my intent to engage my girl in her last days of being 4. I am convinced being 4 is one of the most spectacular years of life… and though she may not remember it, I want her to embrace the fullness of being 4. The early days of being 5 won’t be any different, but there will come a day… in year 5… that she will be — bigger, older. She has already stopped talking about “Toofy” her imaginary friend. She has given up saying “polka bots”. And I recently learned she kissed a boy at preschool. She really likes him, and she wants to marry him. And she wants 12 kids – 6 boys and 6 girls.
Oy. See?
Am I crazy? Has anyone else gone through this?
********
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11 Responses to “My Baby is Growing Up! Make Her Stop!”
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Waaaahhh! Reading your post makes me so sad. Mine are 6 and 4 and I feel like the years are slipping through my fingers faster than I can grab ahold of the memories. Who gave them permission to grow up? Not me!!
Awwww such a sweet post to read very early on a Sunday mornin. I was thinking that if we knew the very last time we held them on our hip we would never put them down….
Enjoy your last week of Light’s being 4!
I wish I could lie to you and tell you that you were headed for less exhausting years… alas, I am not a lier. But mark my words my friend, you’ll one day be saying…”Why the heckandgosh did I EVAH think this was going to get easier–someone please give me those pre-school years back again!”
I wonder if all cultures allow young moms to believe it gets easier or if it is just ours?
You Think I am a downer don’t you?
Mwah!
My Dear Sweet Friend,
Oh how I remember the bittersweetness of the era you are in… I remember walking past the baby section at Target one day when it hit me I didn’t ‘belong’ in that department anymore. I had to choke back tears and force myself to stop staring at all the cute baby clothes.
It is sad to say goodbye to one phase and buckle in to face the next one– full of surprises and twists and turns. Parenthood is a wild ride! Sometimes we wish it would not end so soon and other times we are white knuckling it, trying not to throw up, and screaming “let me off!!!”
My only advice is to love them well, the best you can, each day. And when you miss the mark or have ‘one of those days’, be quick to apologize and reconnect. In the end that’s really the best any of us can do… love them the best we know how.
Of course there’s lots of mothering tasks, some small (cooking, laundry, bandaid application…) and some large (teaching right from wrong, establishing a strong foundation, helping them discover who they are…), but in the end it all boils down to one thing…. LOVE.
Love them well, each day, the best you can.
It all happens so fast. Just yesterday while scanning in baby/toddler/preschooler photos of my son I watched him drive out the driveway to go spend the day with his pals. My other two were with friends in the neighborhood. As I held the stack of memories in my hands I remembered how I use to loooong for peace and quiet and time to myself. Now I could only think of that old phrase, “be careful what you wish for”…
If I could go back to when my kids were younger… I would ABSORB them more and manage them less. Love them, love them well, each day. That’s the best any of us can do. Then when they fly away you can look back without regret, knowing you gave them the best you knew how.
Sending hugs your way!
Such a beautiful and perfectly true post. You captured the essence of 4 and being a mother very well. My kids are almost 8 and 10. We still tell the kids to put on their “2J’s” at night. This is what my 9 year old called “PJ’s when she was small.
JOTS,
Very sweet, really….. love her picture too. enjoy every second and blogging will keep a memory for you and her to look back on as she grows…
thanks for sharing………..
J,
Right there with you. Ahhhh, they are so precious at this age. Lucy is so sweet. Happy birthday to her. A *younger man* wants to have her over. He mentioned that last week. (nudge nudge)
The “holding on my hip” thought—got me good. Stinker! sniffle…
I simply adore her outfit! She has her mother’s style!
So there with you, sister. It goes fast.
I had a dream last night that I had a newborn again *shutters*. I love my girls, but don’t want to go back. I just want to pause and enjoy this part.
Ah.
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Oh yes. Turning five for both of my kids was painful. There is something about turning that age that just…ugh it’s just hard.
Oh I know the feeling mine are 5 and 3 and I jsut want them to stay like this forever – I carry them downstairs every morning and I will HATE the day I won’t be able to do that anymore! And when it is no longer appropriate for my little man to run atound in his just his undies I’ll probably cry for weeks!!
Andrea
XOXO