- September 17, 2009
- 8 Comments
- Fa' Real?, Humiliation, Not So Much, Ridiculous, Sparkle, Goodness, Awesome
The Confessional – I almost made call backs for the local drill team.
This is mostly confessional, but part digressional. Cuz that’s how I roll, yo. *flashes gang sign*
Y’all Remember in the 80′s… when it was cool to peg your pants and tuck them into your socks… mulitcolored layers of socks (or legwarmers)? *flinches* Aaanywho. I did something similar not too terribly long ago. However, I did it to SAVE MY LIFE…
One day, I decided to vacuum my mini-van. I was hunting for petrified french fries and hoping the spilled milk was dry enough it would flake off. I’m kidding {not kidding}. No I’m kidding. *shakes head*
I vacuumed and vacuumed and vacuumed my way to an acceptable level of clean. Gone are the days of “truly” clean.
I headed back home. The children and I piled out of the car when, when, when…. I saw it. It.
IT.
A. Mouse.
Where did he come from? I was allovah that van with the vacuum sucker! I don’t even know.
I saw him run from the back of my van… to the tippy, tippy front.
*EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK*
I tried to scream him out of the van. I tried to hyperventilate enough to concern him out of my van. The Evil Eye was also of no use. That little “I Dream of Jeanie” nose thing?… Doesn’t work.
I had to go in.
I found a broom handle and flailed it about in such a way I almost made call backs for the local drill team.
Almost. *wink*
Long story short…
I couldn’t find him. Was he still in the car? Did he escape? I had no way to know for sure… and I HAD to get back in the van to go… gollyonlyknowswhatwassoimportantIwouldgetbackintothatvan! So, I did something no one should EVER do.
I tucked my pants into mah socks and drove. I am even clenching my teeth writing this. In my defense, it was my only outside of a space suit.
This was the only time in my life I regretted no chasing after that astronaut career. Stop laughing. Belieeeeeeve me, had I owned a space suit… yeah, cuz THAT wouldn’t have looked ridiculous. *twitch*
I figured it was my best option. Without a space suit the mouse might be able to nibble me me to death, help steer, or build a nest in my hair, but there was NO WAY that little tiny baby mouse was gonna climb up mah pants.
And because I knew you’d want proof , I took a picture of my life-saving effort. Don’t judge me harshly for this heinous crime of fashion… know I was protecting my life AND LIMBS. I did this so I would live, love…. and blog again…
Not even glitter can unring that bell.
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8 Responses to “The Confessional – I almost made call backs for the local drill team.”
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HA HA HA HA HA HA! OMG. Hey, you know what, that was inspired if you ask me. I’d've been screwed what with my Keens sandals and no socks. Fashion be damned, it wasn’t just your life you were saving – imagine if that little baby mouse *had* run up your pants while you were driving and you had the kids in the car too! I applaud your ingenuity.
You are a genius!! My luck, I’d have been wearing my flip flops and then I’d have to ponder something so drastic I can’t even bring myself to think it!
I got into my van once – in the dark – and there was this sudden, loud, terrifying sound that screamed out from the passenger seat. I matched that sound with my own screams and flailing, sure there was a loud, invisible villain sitting next to me. When I finally got the overhead light on, it was a hideous, red-eyed locust jumping around. It was massive. I jumped out of the van, the doors open, the engine running, and ran back into the house! Little things are scary!
That mouse was probably scared off by that flashback to the 80′s.
LOL.
All you needed to complete that look was some kind of NEON clothing. Remember that fashion trend? WHO thought of that???
Hillarious!!
I guess we’re afraid of little things because they can get lost in us so easily.. ahhhh…. I remember having a june bug up my pants one time. I didn’t know what it was, but I squished it like there was no tomorrow… horrible.
I won’t admit to having lost it when I was a little kid and my sister told me I had some kind’a worm on my shirt collar, at night. I sure couldn’t see it, but I could “feel” it, and it was going to eat my neck and then my face, or crawl into my brain through my ear canal.
I think I ran/jumped/cartwheeled horizontally on the walls of our house that time. Finally, someone told me it was off, so I stopped, they flung it off, and I was able to regain my composure. Poor caterpillar. I wonder if it survived the ride.
OH. MY. GAWD. I just snorted hot tea out my nose and it is all your fault. This is about the funniest thing I’ve EVER read! Thank you for showing us the proof!
LOL! If it weren’t for the proof, I wouldn’t have believed you.
OMG, that was sooooo hilarious I laughed out loud. Now how on earth did that thing get inside your van?! I would have been just as terrified… thankfully, I am on this end, and can laugh about it, ha!
OH. MAH. GAH. The visuals in my head have me laughing out loud over here… and afraid to go vacuum out the rolling trash can known as my backseat!
Thanks for the laugh!