- October 28, 2009
- 17 Comments
- Fa' Real?, Health & Beauty, Humiliation
A Big Workout Neck and the DMV, or is it the DOL?
As part of yesterdays’ birthday celebration, I had to go get a new driver’s license, and hithertowhereverthougoest… I was gonna get a good picture and also lieaboutmyweight. Nothing quite like getting a new driver’s license AND getting old(er).
I made it to the DMV… or the DOL (whatever) moments after the doors opened.
Gloray! There was no line. *devil sign*
I sauntered up to my the unknown victim male clerk behind the desk. “Hi Handsome” I said with a smokey soft voice.” “Hey! How cool is it that there is no line! Is it usually not this busy? Huh? Huh? Huh? How is your day so far now that your doors have been open for 2 minutes and 33 seconds? Huh? Huh? Huh?” I said in a much too caffeinated and uncomfortably giddy tone. For the clerk, but not for me. I wanted to be my own best friend! *shakes pom-poms*
*toothy grin*
Clerk: “Yeah. How ’bout that.” *sniff and a head cock*
Me: “Yeah. Well. I know it sure can be crazy some days. How’s it going so far?”
I continued to ask and initiate silly banter. I needed this guy on my side. I slathered him with acknowledgement of the crazies he must endure (self excluded).
This man would be taking my picture. I know. I should have brought him coffee.
Or a can of glitter.
Or Crack?
It became apparent his tough DMV exterior was cracking under the unbearable weight of my undying charm, yet he showed restraint.
I told him I like that in a man.
I barely had time to pinch my cheeks to get some color for my headshot before he gave the universal motion for “Move toward the camera, Lady”.
I stood in front of a lovely green “canvas”, that seemed to accentuate my sallow tones.
Clerk (think monotone, yet surprisingly warm): “OK. 1. 2. …”
Me: *not blinking* *smiling wildly*
He turns the screen. “How about this?”
I flinched and hid my eyes for fear of blindness: “OHMYTRAVESTYOFALLTRAVESTIESMAN!!! Are you trying to burn my eyes?!!! WHO IS THAT CREATURE???!!!!” “Oh my GOSH! That’s horrible. Can we do that again?”
His shrug said, “No kidding, lady. That one should be burned.” I almost gave him a high-five.
He showed me our next shot. I was all, “Good. GOLLY. NO! And… can we try it again?” *turns head to side and bats lashes*
Clerk: “Your call.”
I almost kissed him.
When I saw my third picture I said, “DUDE. WHY is my neck so big???! It’s HUGE!”
He said… I’m not kidding, he queried,
“Well. Have you been workin’ out?”
Then he giggled. I have to admit, that was clever. Props to Clerk. Big props for your wit.
But, you know… as a woman… ya kinda hope that kind-of scenario panning out a little different. Not that I need that scenario, but I kinda hope had that happened it would be because I was wearin’ some hawt jeans and what woman wouldn’t be flattered, even if for a moment to hear, “Have you been workin’ out?”
Unless they are talking about your neck. And you are a WOMAN.
SOoooooo… I wrapped my scarf around my “She must be workin’ out AAAAAND taking steroids neck” a second time.
The fourth pic was at least not offensive. And far-less less-necky. And I was feeling just a bit vain-er than usual after 3 re-takes, so I thanked my gracious clerk and scurried away… with a new feature to be overly-sesitive about. Maybe I should take lemons and make lemonade… MAYBE I should join a circus! I hear those folks are REALLY into glitter. *eyes cross*
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17 Responses to “A Big Workout Neck and the DMV, or is it the DOL?”
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I am soo looking forward to seeing that DL pic…. you WILL share, won#t you?
Cmon, show the new pic! I finally had to, erm, adjust my weight upwards a bit. I wasn’t fooling anyone with my pre-baby weight on the DL….next time, think SCARF.
Oh, dear.
Women do NOT want men to notice their necks, unless it is to notice how unwrinkled they are, but even THAT is shaky ground.
I’ll have to remember this for that one lady I hate in my workout class. OH SHE THINKS SHE’S SO HOT! I’m going to ask her, all friendly-like, “Wow, you’ve really been working out, haven’t you?” And before she can answer, I’ll punch her in the face.
Thanks for the advice!
Sisterhood of weight liars unite…again.
Um, better cut down on the neck curls at the gym.
What a way to spend a birthday! Can’t wait to see that photo.
Ya there are alot of hunks working at the DOL in Poulsbo. I cant beleive he let you do 3 retakes. He prolly added another $10 for a retake fee. LOL I wonder if you ever get pulled over if the police officer will take a scale out of his trunk and ask if you will step on it. Then writing a ticket for falsifying a government document. You know they need money for their coffee and donut fund.
OMG. You made me have a painfully long coughing fit when I got to Lou. Woman, you kill me. I’m sorry about the neck thing, but those pictures are so hard to get right. My husband and I thought the woman at the photo place had it out for us when we had to get six retakes of our passport photos. I think she enjoyed hearing us say “Please try again. We do not normally look like trolls.”
So funny you are!
Can’t believe you had him keep retaking your picture–that’s funny! When I go I just want to get in and out as fast as I can.
My day of reckoning comes at the end of January. I’ve got the multiple chin thing going at the moment, so perhaps a scarf would do me good!
Luckily, they only ask for your height in MA, so I’m safe there. Had to fill out a CORI form to volunteer at my son’s school and refused to list my weight. I just put “MYOB.”
I had a picture on my bank card from 12 years ago, before I had kids, and this young whipper snapper looked from me to the card and back to me and then asked “what happened?”.
Seriously.
And that boy was never seen again.
Kidding.
*Shakes head*
So…. that post just about killed me. *wipes tears* You are so goll dang funny. I wish I could have been there, truly. You must have made his whole day.
I am going to have to card you next time you come in so I can see this picture.
Honey, did you not remember Sizzle’s infomercial on head shots and how to make them better? Or not, cause we were all crammed in a limo full of 1000 people.
HULK SMASH!!
Thank you for putting in a picture of Lou Ferrigno. More blog posts should include him.
You can take multiple pics at the DMV? I thought you were always just stuck with whatever horror they snapped of you…so much has changed since I got my license last…
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Oh my golly gosh! I am crackin’ up over here. Best laugh I’ve had all day. Thanks!
P.S. I’m sure your neck’s not really that big. Come on!