What Would J-Bling Do?

Well, friends. She’s been talking about it. I should know that when she gets an idea in my head…

What am I talking about? I’m talking about my alter-ego J-Bling.

She is the reason I have glitter everywhere and a constant dialogue going in my head. When I can’t sleep at night it is because she’s propped up on her side, leaning her head on her hand, wanting a little one-on-one time with me, her “host”. She’s always got a new idea. I manage to keep her in check, mostly. I find if I spritz glitter spray on my wrists daily, she is pretty manageable. However, sometimes the girl sneaks away from me.

Like she snuck away from me last night.  I thought setting up her OWN Facebook profile page would be enough. I thought getting her own Twitter id… I thought, “Surely, this will make her happy…”  But as the old adage goes, “Give and inch…” Yes. my friends, she took a mile. 

J-Bling started and advice group on Facebook –> What Would J-Bling Do (WWJBD). *blinking* I. Know. We are both out of control. She’s even talking “bracelets” and and etsy shop. She hid my little white jacket before she broke the news… She’s a smart one, that J-Bling. 

I joined the group and checked it out last night. I wanted to see what kind of advice she’s giving out over there. You can look for yourself, but I’ve selected one piece to post here:

Dear J-Bling,

I am so happy to have a source like this on Facebook. I have a big problem, and until now have not known where to turn. I have obsession issues. Right now I am obsessed with a particular pair of red boots. Here they are:http://www.zappos.com/product/7248349/color/9551 
I tend to obsess about things until I can have them. It might be a rug for my living room, finally got it, or a dress from Anthropologie, or sometimes its jewelry.. you know, Sundance catalog. I tend to get what I want. But these boots.. they are now on sale and my baby ain’t got a job so I can’t get my boots till he’s got a paycheck. I think I might implode if I have to wait. The economy is kicking me in the crotch right now. What do I do?

Thanks J-Bling
peace

Lisa, Lisa, Lisa,

I hear you. And… DAZULFAMN! Them boots–> Fo. Shizzle!!! You MUST have them and have them NOW.

I would suggest the following. Get a bottle of glitter spray. Go to where your husband is sitting. Turn on some Cold Play, and spraaaaaayyyyyy…. While he is in a Cold Play-glitter trance bring up the site to your boots on his computer and then say these words: “Lisa needs these boots. Lisa needs these boots. No water until these boots. No joy. No food. No laughter. No clean undies… until these boots. Lisa with the red boots on. Lisa with the red boots on. Lisa with the red boots on.” Commence spraying of glitter and snap 3 times.

When he awakes. He will reach for the credit card and ACTUALLY buy them bad-boys FOR you.

The Admired,
J-Bling

So. What do you think? I am thinking there is nothing I can do. I could use sand bags, but the tide has been a long time coming. I suppose I will just go with it. In fact… perhaps I’ll give J-Bling her own little spot here. Maybe I’ll call it “What Would J-Bling Do Wednesdays”. If you have any questions for my alter-ego, J-Bling, please leave your question in the comments. I will pass them onto her and she will be back in a week or so to lend her style of “wisdom”. Am I crazy? Wait. Don’t answer that.

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Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

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