- July 15, 2009
- 9 Comments
- General, Guilt, Health & Beauty, Just Jenny, Not So Much, Olivia
The Nail Fairy?
My feet are a WRECK. Over the past 3 years I have stacked running and triathlon events in such a way that my feet have not have the opportunity to return to the intended state they were given to me. You know, 10 intact, cute-ish toes… all with nails. Not model feet, but I considered the nail shape and thickness all to be in normal-to-acceptable range. And give those babies a pedi by a pro… only better.
But now it is all about smoke and mirrors my friends.
I now have 6 normal toe nails. 1 ultra thick one, if I am not careful, I am afraid it might get taller than me. I am not posting a picture. Even I have boundaries. The other thick nail… a professioanl was able to wrangle her to a place of submission. Poor guy. Yes, I had a pedi by a man. It was uncomfortable, but it had to be done. I had a public to protect. I swear, left unchecked… my toes could hurt an innocent by-stander, or at least make them vomit in their mouth a little. I want my public to be a happy public, so… I will endure a pedi by a man… if that is what it takes. *folds arms*
I also have 2 toes (the center ones) with NO NAIL. Did you know you can paint the spot where a nail should be? No one can tell. Smoke and mirrors my friends, smoke and mirrors…
The 2 nails that have complete gone AWOL are a direct result of my marathon in early May. They were fine the morning before, and made big, throbbing protests the days following. One fell off weeks ago. The other fell off yesterday.
Being the sub-standard mom that I am… Our Tooth Fairy (this will make sense, I promise) has a reputation for not showing up in a timely manner. This was a letter my daughter left for our TF one time:
Aaaanywho. So. I lost my toenail yesterday. My daughter Olivia (who had lost a tooth the day before… made a note for our fair Tooth Fairy AND left her tooth just outside her bedroom door instead of under her pillow… she is a go-getter, I tell ya. Thank heaven the TF woke up at 3:30 in the a.m. and remembered to scrounge the kids’ therapy fund and paid the kid for her tooth… which, by the way… she RIPPED out cuz that girl is made out of pure Awesome and Tough Schtuff!)
Where was I?
Oh. My toenail. My daughter was there when I finally showed Ms. Nail who was boss. Olivia said, “Oh! Mom!!! You should put that under your pillow!”
“But Olivia, do you think the Nail Fairy will come?”
Olivia was certain, “Oh yeah. You better not put it under your pillow… put it at your door.”
My poor girl. *plops 2 quarters back in the Therapy Fund*
9 Responses to “The Nail Fairy?”
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What’s the going rate for nails these days? If it is substantial, I have twenty food ones I can pull – gotta pay for the kids college, someway.
I also have a couple of thick toenails that ARE NOT fungal!!!! I’ve had them tested repeatedly because I want to find a way to thin them out. My pediguy doesn’t seem to mind them at all, but wooo doggy – I hear you on the public viewing thing…yikes. My marathon is still a way off (Jan.) and I only lost one of my big-toe nails last time. But, I’m shooting for losing all the funky ones this time and starting fresh. A regular program of pedicures will have them back in shape in a few months.
HA! And, ew. Will the nails grow back? I rarely think about my toenails, except to cut them once a month or so.
Oh, honey, I have the feet of a serial killer. Assuming serial killer’s have horrific feet to match their horrible personalities. My toes perked up at the sight of your photo and wondered where their awesome red polish was, but my fingers – painted black at the moment (gah! like a serial killer’s mind!)(sorry, I swear I will get off this kick!) just wagged at them and told them to hush it for now.
At least be content that you have smallish, cutesy feet. I may not have the nail issues you have but with my gargantuan ski length feet, even painted pretty toenails do not help…
Ouch, that’s gotta hurt! Love that you’re laughing through the pain
We still love you. Can we call you “stubby”?
You make me laugh. Thanks!
I just love your blog. You are so funny and have such a fun personality. I’ve lurked forever but this is my first comment and I just have to say that you are HI-larious. And I really like your site. It is so cool. Where do you host it? I would love to able to find a place like this so I can start a blog. Any way Jenny. Keep on writing. You are truly gifted and bring light to many peoples lives!
This is a funny site you have going on here man. Just wanted to stop by and tell you how I felt. I was wondering if you could take a look at my humor blog and maybe we can exchange links.
Let me know.
Jason