And then she came back, because it was a loop, and she wanted to get back to her car so she could go home and have some lunch. And some coffee. And a row of cake. Oh, and a hot shower.
I ran 18 miles yesterday. The word “ran” is a subjective word, really. Observers might use a term like “exaggerated walk”… or even “exhasperated walk”…
But what I REALLY want to share here today is this: running is a VERY unattractive sport. I mean, there are some good results when it comes to bein’ able to wear some cute jeans, but… I am learning the whole process of bein’ able to werk a cute pair of jeans is pretty not cute. I digress. Here follows a list of reasons why I think running is actually a pretty unattractive sport:
Rat’s/Bird’s nest hair:
Snot gloves – I bought special gloves so I could wipe my snot on them. I did. And I luuuuurrrrve them. I also wash them. Think about it… when you are out shreddin’ the pavement or trail, one’s nose doesn’t discriminate. Especially if it’s cold outside. And I prefer the cold because I run hawt hot. I have used my sleeves, but when you wear a shirt that “wicks” it also wicks snot and that’s just nasty. Shutup. We all make our compromises, people. ;)
I am thinking this post isn’t gonna win anyone over to this “running” thing… BUT this is information that must be shared.
Chafing – It happens. I usually suffer chafing under my arms. A consequence of possessing, hmm… what is that “compliment” a woman loves *rolls eyes* to hear about her arms — oh yeah “GUNS”. I got me a pair of “guns” and with all the rubbin’ agains my tank-top mah “guns” get their chafing on. Never fails. Unless I use BodyGlide. Here’s where I get a wee-bit too personal, but… it… it just… Perhaps I can be creative. Hmph. “The girls”. I’ve noticed as I have increased my mileage these last number of weeks, they have suffered too. Made out of Wrong. ‘Nuf said.
Hickies from your clothes – No pictures. It’s just not pretty. It doesn’t feel great and it is also… not pretty. Sure, the right clothes help, but I kind-of wonder that after three hours of jolting one’s body around while being completely drenched… is there any way to avoid clothing-provoked hickies? I think not.
Hills - They are sooooo not attractive! I even created a hill-grader chart for your easy reference.
Fashion - Yes, there is some mighty cute work-out clothing avaiable these days. However, when you run along ditches and want to stay ALIVE… runners who dare to run along the same roads as cars, must wear colors NOT found in nature:
As a runner AND a driver… I think this is smart. Not cute, but smart. When I am driving I see the ugly nasty-asty yellow jackets and vests WAY before the cute gal wearing bright pink. Yes, bright pink is good, but flowers can be bright pink. We need to be seen with enough time for a driver to give us a little room (and hopefully slow down a bit).
The things you long for when at mile 9 of a 18 miles run in the freezing rain – For example… Katie and I were sooooooo cold after running 1.5 hours in 36 degree rain that when we passed the EMU topsoil place she suggested we go cozy up in a pile of the Emu “topsoilness”. If you are not familiar with the traits of this Emu topsoil… it contains poo-poo which generates warmth. You know its bad when rolling in warm poo-poo sounds better than running another 2 hours in the freezing rain.
OR (and this is Katie’s idea – again – Katie is so special) you wish you were a Jedi so you could slice “that cow” *Katie points to innocent grazing cow* open with your light saber and cozy up inside the warm cow. Yeah… perhaps we were at the beginning stages of hypothermia…
Your toes… your poor, poor toes…
Obsession about a well-placed potty stop – Be it pee-pee or something more, *ahem* substantial. The thought of an accessible potty locale is never far from one’s mind. Never before in my life have I done so much planning re: pee-pee and poo-poo. A runner will get up earlier than early so he/she may attempt to ensure… Golly. I’ll just be blunt. Nothing feels worse than having to poop while running. OK, there are worse feelings, but when it happens to you, it is all you can think about. So I hear. I don’t poop. I’m a lady.
And that sould do it. Until I hit “publish” then I’ll remember something else, and… It’s Sunday morning as I write this. It’s cold outside, but sunny. I ran those 18 miles yesterday and then I went dancing for 3 hours last night. Just thought you should know. I need a good-solid hand-slapping. Never mid, my feet are going to be giving me grief for weeks. And weeks. Have a wonderful Sunday, all!
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right now there is some dude with a dead toe nail fetish that just said “yes!”
Wow, your toes totally look like they hurt. 18 miles? Are you kidding me? I didn’t know that was possible, damn I’m such a weenie!
Wow! I’m impressed! Poor Jenny *applies rubber gloves and rubs Jenny’s feet*. Take it easy today girl!
18 miles! Impressive! Snot gloves…why didn’t I think of that? I use my t-shirt which gets nasty somedays. Now if someone would think of something to take care if the blisters!
I’m going to take your word that it’s worth it. ;)
Your poor body. I hope you are pampering it today.
Big mileage at this poiint in my marathon training is 6. Which I skipped today because I was driving a car from Wash DC to NC in time to conduct a sex-toy party at 4. Snot gloves sounds good for the Fall/Winter when the real mileage kicks in. Thanks for sharing the idea!! You are an inspiration – albeit badly dressed and funky-toed.
Oh man, your toes look awfuly painful, girl!! But, I am so proud of you for running that far. Dang, I can’t even run to the mailbox. Pitful, really. :)
We can’t be friends. I tell my husband women aren’t equipped exercise as much as men, or run, or do yard work… But, dude, 18 miles? I don’t know if I score 18 miles walking to the fridge in a year. Geez.
You ROCK!!! LOVE, love, love the descriptions! And, yes, would have to agree with all of them. I however don’t have that LOUD, I mean, cool vest yet! Hmmm….Hope your body is recovering!
what about red face if i even attempt to run a mile… i have a red blotchy face all day… i don’t see how you do this i would die!!!
And now I have 8 solid reasons as to why I don’t ever….would never…try to run a marathon. Thanks :)
[...] is none. This is an addendum to an early post about such [...]
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