I Don't Do Things With Guys For Money
Let me start from the beginning.
Age 5. Competitive swimming.
I blame that.
I started competing with my local summer swim club (Go Dolphins!) when I was 5… until I was 17.
The result?
GUNS
OR I may come from a long line of Irish arm wrestlers who drank from 100 pound steins. 2 birds… one stone – beer AND training. I got THOSE genes.
And that is probably also where I got my multi-tasking skillz. Just call me O’Jenny… And as a result I was challenged to an arm wresting match. By a man. In a bar.
Man: My friend over there will give me $20 if I beat you in arm wresting. If you let me win, I’ll give you half. AND I’ll buy you and your friends here a round.
Me: I don’t do things with guys for money.
Me: FURTHERMORE… I don’t think it’s classy for a classy lady like me to arm wrestle in a bar. And also… I DON’T throw fights.
You’d think that’d have done it. But my guns… they’re like the island of Lost… magnetic… confusing…
Man: C’mon. My friend…. *yammer, yammer, yammer*
Me: What is this all about? IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII know… This is about my Guns, isn’t it. It’s my arms. Dang it.
Man: You just have strong, sexy arms.
Me: I will crush you.
He probably would have beat me. He was an average sized average man of all averageness. Neither creepy nor skinny nor gaggy nor particularly unattractive as people go… nor a Hottie Hotterson (not that I look). Not unfit, but no evidence of rockage in the bicepian quadrant. Just a man with probably 2.5 kids at home who probably golfs and goes to the Seattle Mariner’s games. And if I was his wife, I’d make sure he’d be sleeping in the doghouse without the cedar bed.
I also think I would have given that ‘ol boy a run for his money. It would not have been an easy win. I am strong. I am solid. But when it comes down to it…
- I am classier than that…
- I don’t throw fights (yeah, got some pride issues)…
- And most importantly… I don’t do things with guys for money.
- I take free money tho… Be you man, be you woman, be you corporate America.
And I want to thank my friend Christy and her sister Kim for havin’ my back. *fist bump* ladies.
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7 Responses to “I Don't Do Things With Guys For Money”
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FWIW, I don’t do things with guys for money either
I love that you wrote about that lovely story and the super lame guy!!! I kinda wanted to kick him! Love that I got to be with you that night – I hope we’ll have lots more opportunities to watch eathothers backs:) *fist bump* right back at ya!
That’s a great story! You are mega-classy.
Those guys totally thought you were cute!
p.s. – TOTALLY right, btw.
If your arms could perhaps talk to me in a Scottish brogue like Desmond from LOST, I’d like to ask you to arm ‘rassle me for free, ok? Thanks.
p.s. part deaux – I’m a little bit weak yet in the arm area, so it’s a given you’d take that battle.
What the whaaaaa????
You tell him, sistah! Just cause you got those guns don’t mean you gotta use ‘em.
Hmfph.
As pick-up lines go, that was pretty lame. He needs to work on both his arms and his mojo.
Sounds like both a pick-up line and an opportunity for physical contact. You don’t need to flirt back though.