A stranger in the house…

On Monday, July 19th I was at the pinnacle of frustration with my expanding waistline. I had mostly recovered from my lenient diet from camping and the 4th of July, but my shorts were all feeling miserably tight around the waist! That afternoon, I did 200 crunches with the vow to continue daily until I solved the problem. On Tuesday, while at Target, I bought a test.

Hmmm… fast forward to 4:45 a.m. Wednesday morning. The pink line pops up pretty quick. \”Stranger!!!\” The first thought that entered my head. \”Oh no!\” Is the second. How did this happen? I know, I know, but. . . huh??? How could a little person be growing in my body and I not know it? No prenatals, a few drinks over the Independence Day weekend AND during my grandma\’s visit. . . oh my goodness. . . How am I going to tell my husband?!

After my workout Wednesday morning, I went to the local bakery and bought 3 yellow smiley-face cookies. One to represent each child. Joel, Olivia and I brought them to my husband in bed on a tray with a white chocolate mocha and a maple bar. I said, \”I bought one cookie for each of our kids.\” He took it as I meant HE was one of the kids. I repeated, with emphasis, and more anxiety — \”I bought one cookie for EACH OF OUR KIDS.\”

My precious husband. . . He looked very confused, dismayed. . . He said, \”Are you saying we\’re pregnant??!\”

I stumbled with my words. I started crying. I was shaking. At times before, we had only talked about the possibility — not the probability! I turned to get the proof.

Upon receipt of the test, he just giggled and smiled a mile wide. It\’s all a blur, but I know he said,\”This is great!\”

Fast forward to today. I found out on August 2nd that I am 10 weeks along. We saw the heartbeat:) Joel knows now, and is super-excited. He talks about getting clothes for the baby, and he has rubbed my feet and my back when I\’ve felt sick. He has come up with some name ideas: Anempo, Likiliki, George, and Macy. We\’re telling him we will keep those in mind (Macy is pretty cute!) He finally understands that he will only get one baby — he can\’t have a new brother AND sister. He recently told me he wants a girl so we can have 2 girls, and 1 boy. Joel said, \”Then I can be the big brother of the whole earth!\”

I have been so tired and pretty naseous. This proves to be a challenge with two feisty preschoolers, and a husband with big work deadlines this summer. Despite the difficulties and total surprise, I feel blessed and fortunate that this has happened — that this CAN happen to me. I know many women struggle with fertility and miscarriage. I realize that I am fortunate for what has been given to us. I don\’t know why I have not met the sorrow of pregnancy struggles face to face. I do not take it for granted. One of my dearest friends found out at her ultrasound, a week before my ultrasound, that her baby stopped developing at 5 weeks. We would have been just weeks apart. It sucks. She calls it a \”mean trick\” because her body is still acting pregnant since she has not miscarried yet. I feel guilty and wonder why I\’ve been spared that heartache. I have a number of very close friends who have heart-wrenching stories of desire for children, miscarriages, and worse. I feel guilty that it was such a surprise — that it was so easy… I know there\’s a reason, and my heart beats with thankfulness.

I am not through the woods yet. I worry a because I didn\’t know for so long. I worry I didn\’t get enough folic acid or other vitamins. What if I worked out a little too hard? Sometimes, I\’m afraid to go to the bathroom. The best I can do now is work on those things, and pray that he/she was protected during the time I didn\’t know. . . and will coninue to be.