- June 25, 2008
- 12 Comments
- Family & Friends, General, Life of Jenny
Not a happy post today
Posting today is a struggle. One reason is – utter physical exhaustion. I feel like I am participating in a relay obstacle course… except there’s no one to tag to go to the next obstacle. I just tag myself and keep going.
Another reason is burden. Sadness. In May my husband’s uncle was killed in a motorcycle accident… which brought up latent sorrow from his dad’s death last September. I just can’t seem to bring myself to write about any of it. Not that I need to, but at times I feel like I am not being honest with those who read this… I tend to shove the more painful stuff aside and dig into utter silliness. I suppose it’s my way of coping…. maybe escaping.
I saw a grandpa-type-man today and thought of my father-in-law. The man was wearing a goofy old-man hat. I looked twice because I could imagine Jim wearing that along with his warm, loving smile.
It seems illness, pain and hurt are swirling around like leaves in the fall, except with poisonous talons waiting to fall on those I love. Every time I drive by the local cemetery, my heart aches for a friend whose daughter is buried there. I think of my friend everyday, but I can’t figure out what to say nor can I find the nerve to call.
Just last week, there was the death of a toddler locally… I only know the family in passing, but all moms know the fear of what that family had to face.
My lifelong friend is mourning the slow passing of her dad. Jen, I prayed for you, your mom and dad on my early morning bike ride today.
Last night, we got a call about my husband’s childhood friend who has been diagnosed with skin cancer.
The prayer chain from church has had request after request after request for prayer… for big things – not just the sometimes incidental stuff that people ask for. Not that I am making light of other needs…
There is a family I love and adore that keeps getting hit with wave after wave after wave of … can I just say CRAP. Serious medical crap. I can’t even go into it.
And then there’s fear. Fear for the safety and health of my family. Golly, who’s next?
There’s guilt. Not that I haven’t had to deal with hard stuff, but when I look around I wonder why…
I don’t want this to come across as a “Poor Jenny” post… Think of it more as the “bottom of the strawberry basket post”. You know… in a basket of strawberries, no matter how picky you are, there is always a strawberry or two that has gone bad. I’m not saying I’ve “gone bad”. What I am really trying to say is that no matter what you see – there’s is always something else going on, ya know?
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12 Responses to “Not a happy post today”
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Sweet and wonderful Jenny. I don’t know why I feel I must write this, just that I do. I am a supporter of obeying the little voice so…You are truly amazing-truly. Just call her. You don’t have to say anything other than I’m hear to listen if you need to speak. then. just. listen. If she knows you at all she will smile a little in her heart because my friend one thing you are is a safe haven. You can bless her in so many ways and be blessed for this. You have a heart of gold. I will go for my tp now since I have no tissue-it’s the ‘green’ thing.
My bloggy friend, to say “I am praying for you” sounds trite and over used, but it is true.
And it’s OK to share the tough stuff too. (Not that you need MY permission, you understand . . .)
Thank you for keeping it real sister. Doesn’t it seem that when you open up to sadness you find it everywhere? I know it is hard, and you did seem sad today. I love you girl. Pray hard, but enjoy your blessings.
That’s so hard becuase I’m sure people want you to be the smiley happy one. If you’re okay, they are too.
Take time for yourself and remember what a great person you are for being such a wonderful and caring individual.
My Sweet Jenny,
I know EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE! I just told Matt last night that I would be so GLAD when GOD dries ALL OF OUR TEARS! We got a call about an old friend’ young grandson. His daughter found her son with a plastic bag over his head, and he was blue….About EIGHT years ago, she found her little sister, just 8 years old…in a freak accident on Christmas eve…she had slipped on the ice in her back yard and knocked the jack out from the utility trailer, and it fell on her chest….they had to take her off life support the DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS….the parents never recovered, and eventually divorced…now this little boy was life-flighted to Nashville last night….
There is so much tragedy all around us…a VERY HURTING WORLD…
WE HAVE TO SHARE JESUS…and SOMETIMES just a hug….Just a PHONE CALL….Just an I LOVE YOU….and Like your friend ‘GREENSULLIVAN’ said….maybe just that phone call to let her know that you are WILLING TO JUST LISTEN….
I love you Sweetie….WE HAVE THE HOPE!!!! THAT ONE DAY ALL TEARS WILL BE DRIED AND WE WILL BE RE-UNITED with THOSE WE LOVE and WHAT A PARTY!!!! WE WILL HAVE!!!! I just believe that JESUS WILL BE THE “LIFE” of that ONE!!!!
It is okay to feel sad…it means you REALLY CARE….!!!!
See you in a few days!!!!
Aunt Robin
I love your honesty there is nothing wrong with sharing the good and the bad of life. Things are tough these days and it is very hard to navigate these crazy waters of life. I can tell by this post that you have an incredible heart. The beauty of blogging is that you can let it out in a safe forum. No one will judge you – just support you…. I have found that blogging is a great release and way cheaper than therapy!!
Blessings
Cathy
http://www.wheresmydamnanswer.com
Jenny, I know that the Holy Spirit is living in you and through you, and He is giving you the power to endure the trials and hardships of life – 2 Corinthians 4:6-11 says that tho we are “hard pressed on every side” we are “not crushed”, and 2 Corinithians 12:9 says that His grace is sufficient for us! Life is full of crap – lots of crap – but we CAN endure, by His power alone. He is with us on the mountaintops, but He is with us in the valleys as well, refining our faith, perfecting our hope, and deepening our intimacy with Him.
I know exactly how you are feeling – sometimes it seems like Life is just too overwhelming, for us AND for our loved ones. Pray, sweetie. I am praying for you. And God will give you the words to say to those who are hurting, those who need love and hope, just as He is giving me the words to say to you right now. I thank God that you and I have found each other thru our blogs – we are alike in so many ways! I’m hurting for you today, but I’m lifting you up, too. And in the famous words of Scarlett O’Hara, “Tomorrow IS another day.”
Jenny, you’re real and that’s refreshing. I remember the words of a friend of mine who lost one of her twin sons: “People stopped saying his name in fear of hurting me, but instead it hurt more to not hear his name as if he had never lived.” I had never thought of that. Maybe your friend would like to talk about her daughter.
Sending love your way!
Thank you for the prayers. We do feel them. I’m constantly reminded of the phrase “beauty from ashes,” and the thought that God is amazing, capable of bringing beauty out of the darkest times. Keep praying, my friend.
blogging is about sharing. you can’t just be susie sunshine all the time. i like reading about real people. and while i’m so terribly sorry you’re dealing with all of these emotions and loss, i’m glad you felt you could share. your sisterhood of bloggy friends surround you. we’re giving you a virtual hug. hang in there.
Jenny, I am so sorry…and want you to know you will be in my prayers this week. You are just exactly the Jenny I adore so much and I’m blessed to have run into you. By now you’ve probably noticed my blogging habits have changed, it’s just a season, maybe for another day, another week, another year, idk. But what I do know is I appreciate the truly amazing people who lift me up, and from what I read above, you’ve found just that as well.
I know exactly the feeling you get when you see someone wearing an old man hat–I feel the same when I see men in straw vacation hats, khaki slacks and plaid short sleeved shirts. That’d be my daddy! And six years later, it still takes my breath away. ((((You))))
Life is hard & life stinks. But it can also be beautiful & fun. I wish it could always be beautiful & fun. I hate all the troubles on your mind & hope today is a better day. ((Hugs & prayers))