- October 1, 2009
- 18 Comments
- Fa' Real?, General, Not So Much, Ridiculous, The Confessional
Re: Buying Tampons in Bulk
What? You didn’t turn the page off your interwebz?
I actually have a post of substance I should mold and nurture… instead I share with you a personal struggle…
Buying tampons in bulk.
I don’t care how many years one has been purchasing the wide array of feminine hygiene products, it is never comfortable to plop one’s “goodies”… “pons”… on the counter. I am not afraid to purchase the needed items, but I cannot think of a time I have bought a pack of this-or-that where I haven’t looked for a checker-chick. I don’t want the fellas knowin’ mah bidness.
Secondlyandwhosoever… in this economy, I have become keeeeeenly aware of how expensive these necessities are.
NECESSITIES.
I mean, if we lived in the Biblical days, we’d just be cast outside the city gates to live in a tent for a week.
We don’t get that luxury today. No tent outside the city for the modern woman. Nope.
I digress… What I’m sayin’ is — this economy + coupon for tampons at grocery warehouse + 2 box limit = “the heck is wrong with HER insides?!”
And the whole while I’m nervously chatting about the economy and how awesome coupons are and the value of buying two 84 count boxes of tampons in bulk… so “people” only have to buy “CERTAIN THINGS” every 90 – 120 days or so… or less *ahem*
Golly. It reminds me of the time after my fist child was born.
Are you STILL here?
I needed “supplies”. Lots of supplies. I was well-read on parenting and the birth process, but I had no idea… NO. IDEA… about the wrath of the “just gave birth undercarriage”.
Friggin’ Armageddon.
Still here?
Aaaanywho. I loaded up a cart of things that I felt would best behoove a woman in my bloody sad state.
I unloaded enough “supplies” onto the check-out counter. I perceived there was enough on that counter to clean up the oil spill of the Exxon Valdez back in ’89.
I also had a 24 pack of coke. And candy bars.
Aaaand… a checker-dude.
I just looked down. I don’t think he saw my tears. I never screamed as afterbirth contractions riddled my new-mommy body. I remember crawling into my car, tearing open a candy bar and weeping… from pain, embarrassment and pure exhaustion. Aaaaand that is another story.
It was truly awful. Today was not so awful, but I still had to put two 84 count boxes of tampons on the check-out stand.
I compare buying tampons in bulk to wearing thong underwear. It’s never comfortable, but it’s not so bad after awhile. I… uh… aye… that’s… thah…har… at least that’s what I’ve heard.
*blinking*
This post was just all kinds of uncomfortable, now wasn’t it?
I am here to serve. *bows and hits head on desk on the way back up*
This all kind-of reminds me of the time my hubs and I had to buy… well… anywho… I did write about that too…
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18 Responses to “Re: Buying Tampons in Bulk”
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I wish i was that checker dude…. lol I would have asked if you needed anything else….
Oh how I love you. You made me cry with laughter.
I am still embarrassed about buying those things. I once had to send my husband in to the store (because I too had just given birth and couldn’t walk fast). He was remarkably more fine than I was.
But hey. We shouldn’t be embarrassed!
We’re all sisters. You go girl! You’re a smart woman shopper. Buy those things in bulk!
I might choose the tent:)
LOL.
I sent my husband to Target a couple weeks ago with a list AND coupons, and on that list was tampons (though I wrote it this weay on the list – TAMPONS!!!!! with little stars around the word). I made him read the list back to me before he left the house. I told him it was because I wanted to be sure he could read my writing, but I just wanted to see if he’d squirm knowing he had to buy tampons for me at our Target, where never a man mans the registers.
He came home with tampons. Yeah!
Except he bought the wrong kind!
Sigh…
I had to return them. Dang right I did. There was a coupon involved, and, like you said, in this economy, one can’t waste their pennies! Anyway, do you know why there are never any men manning the registers at my Target? It’s because they’re always manning the customer service counter! I had to return my tampons to him, and (gah!) respond when asked that “No, there is nothing wrong with these tampons.” The only thing wrong with them is I think my husband was trying to get pay back on me!
i don’t care about buying tampons. it’s the condoms that i turn all sorts of shades of red for. because, you have to stand there, in front of the display located directly in front of the pharmacy, where old people are getting their prescriptions filled. and you have to deliberate. and hum. and haw. over which brand and which type of ridge.
embarrassing. oh yes.
necessary. i have 5 kids. you tell me.
I remember when a restaurant I worked for went out of business. The supplies were up for grabs among the employees. Another waitress and I practically clawed each other’s eyes out, trying to wrestle the huge box filled with smaller boxes of generic tampons out of the storage room. I won.
I didn’t have to buy tampons for two years.
I am so glad I don’t have to mess with that crap any more. And I’m mean, Katie has to get her own. Trying to toughen her up, you know?
Oh Jenny… I love you for keepin’ me in stitches, girl. That was great. Funny I should stumble upon this post today of all day’s… my 2 year old came into the bedroom this morning (after spending an awful loooong amount of time in our bathroom/closet area… in dead silence. Mind you, those two things never turn out well for us, you understand, I’m sure.) So, he rounds the corner with one of my tampons and is rubbing his lips with the end of it as if to put on chapstick. My husband was thoroughly mortified. =)
Thank you for making me laugh today! I will be back to visit soon!
Only you…
That’s what I like about you. You can write about anything. Anything!
Last time I bought tampons, I purposefully went to a checkout aisle with a girl in it. After the person in front of me finished, the girl went on break and a guy stepped in. Nice.
I don’t have to worry with them anymore and I greatly rejoiced over throwing away the remaining ones. I cringed at the same time because the box was almost full and I spent a lot of $$ on those suckers!
I am SO not looking forward to the day my period comes back — I’m currently breastfeeding my 8 month old and it hasn’t come back! Phew!
I just found your blog today and it’s hilarious!
Have you looked into a diva or moon cup? They really are awesome and no more heading to the store and buying bulk
so apparently just buying the ‘pons, embarrassing; blogging about them, not so much?
I am suddenly very glad that I haven’t gotten my period back after the birth of my second child. I have been spared the feminine hygiene purchase. Thanks to all the little baby angels for breastfeeding’s suppressing effect on my reproductive system, is all I can say.
And….that was hilarious. And real. Thanks. I have to laugh at buying tampons anymore. I mean.. I’m thirtyfriggineight. You know what that means? regular? no. super? no. super plus? ha–maybe 2, or ultra? Now we are talking. But I can NEVER find the ULTRAS in the store! So I’m like…either every other bleeding 38 year old is buying all the Ultras, or the idiot male buyer for the store decided not to stock them. What gives? and then… I work at a school, so sometimes the little teeners come up, all embarrassed, and ask for a pon. We keep some for emergencies. Tiny ones. Wouldn’t stop a nose bleed for me.
Baby girls, wait till you get older and hit FIBROIDS FLOW. That, my dears, is a daemon of a whole different level of embarrassment. You’ll desperately need ultra tampons PLUS super pads, but … can you get in and out of the store without totally humiliation? You get to the point where adult diapers are your lifeguards.
Frondly, Fern
Yes, yes, yes! I felt every emotion you wanted to portray in this post. Been there, done that, not finished yet. Sigh.
The Calm One never used to have a problem with buying my necessaries. Now, all of a sudden, he does. What gives?
Anyway, you are the only gal I know that can blog about this subject and get such a great response from your commentors. Kudos!
I am right there with you in your pain. I hate buyin’ the necessaries.