- February 12, 2010
- 11 Comments
- Fa' Real?, The Butt Series
I Am Solid
Or so it’s been said.
It all started innocently enough… Or. Well.
I just… just… I guess I tend to put myself in situations that….
Erm…
Here’s what happened. I was at the gym. Trying to get mah “fit” on. And you know me… I’m a social girl. Did I ever tell you I got my B.A. in Social Studies? It’s an illness, really…
Aaaanywho… Jenny likes the people. And the people… the poor, poor people… I’d feel bad if it didn’t pay off with so many great stories to blog about. Fun how that works.
I was at the gym. I ran into a friend who dared lend his ears to my blabbering silliness. The upcoming holiday, Valentine’s Day *gag* came up in the convo and the poor fella just walked right on into my psychosis and willingness to risk it all for a laugh. I risked it alright. He said something like, “I’d give you a small piece of chocolate…. but just one.”
ONE? SMALL? CHOCOLATE? JENNY? CHOCOLATE??? SMALL?! *does not compute*
My motherboard started smoking.
O.K. I get it. We’re in the gym. Everybody thinks everybody is trying to be healthy. Thing is, I’m just tryin’ to get by, people! I’ll take a BOX, thankyouverymuch. Be you my Valentine, be you somebody else’s Valentine. I. Want. LOTS. Of. Chocolate. NAH, forget a box, gimme a freighter of choclate. With chocolate on top. *It’s been that kind of week*
I will never turn away chocolate. Ever. But you know the old saying, “The more the merrier.” They’re referring to chocolate.
And isn’t there also the saying, “A moment on the lips, forever on the hips.” Chocolate.
How about this one, “The hips don’t lie.” Uh, CHOCOLATE …
And also, “I’m bringing sexy back.”… JENNY.
*nods head*
Free association, I love her.
I digress…
Can you guess my how I replied to the possibility of receiving one small piece of chocolate? Can ya, can ya, huh?
No, I did not say, “Bring it.” Nor did I say, “It better be dark chocolate or I will cut you.” Nor was my reply, “Is there CHOCOLATE in in chocolate? THEN YES!!!”
No. I asked…
Wait for it….
*
*
*
*
*
*
Are you calling me fat?
I did.
Point 1 for wit!
Or…
I should probably know my people better. I should probably care about the awkwardness I create. Because, really… that was not a nice thing to do to a very nice… innocent bystander of my life.
His reply, “You’re not fat! You’re solid.”
*blinking*
I really wasn’t thinking of the reply I might receive. I was just thinking about how funny I was. I should really think about what I might receive from what I put out.
SOLID.
Immediately I thought of what “solid” means to me:
Now THAT litte guy is SOLID!
SO. I emailed my girlfriend, Lisa. @blozulfog. I was all, “Am I solid? How am I supposed to take that?” Like, were “solid” on a synonym tree, would it be on the “fat” branch? *weep*
Her reply was one of encouragement. Her reply in italics, mine… (not in italics) *cheesy grin*:
Yes, you are Solid: #8 & #15 are my fav’s.
- Of definite shape and volume; not liquid or gaseous. (Girls don’t fart. Now I have proof. *neener*)
- Firm or compact in substance. (Muscles? Hollah!)
- Not hollowed out: a solid block of wood. (I am not a shell of a person!)
- Being the same substance or color throughout: solid gold. (Can I get a Whut-Whut!)
- Mathematics. Of or relating to three-dimensional geometric figures or bodies. (*Pass*)
- Having no gaps or breaks; continuous: a solid line of people. (… or teeth…)
- Of good quality and substance: a solid foundation. (I can’t help it. Did this definition just make my butt look big?)
- Substantial; hearty: a solid meal. (*Pass* and LISA???!!!)
- Sound; reliable: solid facts. (1+1 is 2. I know certain facts, solidly.)
- Financially sound. (I know how to spend, that’s a solid truth.)
- Upstanding and dependable: a solid citizen. (Never been to jail, and when I stand, it is in the up-position. Who comes up with some of these words? Dictionary people. “upstanding”??? Weirdos.)
- Written without a hyphen or space. For example, the word software is a solid compound. (Ruh-roh. Not so sure I’m solid on this. One…. so—much, too much-.)
- Printing. Having no leads between the lines. (? Is this math?)
- Acting together; unanimous: a solid voting bloc. (I need a nap… and a freighter full of chocolate. I don’t understand this one.)
- Slang. Excellent; first-rate. (Ahhh, I am SURE this was the SOLID he meant. SURE. Of. It. And hopefully #2)
Once again, Lisa brings clarity… giving mouth-to-mouth to my dying ego.
*all done*
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11 Responses to “I Am Solid”
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Solid Gold. Oh how I loved that show with completely inappropriate dancing and outfits for a little girl to watch. Laughing at #5 and your solid response.
All Hail Good Friends! All hail Lisa!! We love that woman! And you too Jenny-solidly:)
solid as a rock
And the next time you see your “friend”, you can kick him solidly in the nuts.
You are so awesome… I want to give you a chocolate bunny..which would be solid. Solid Chocolate bunny. Because you are like that bunny. Solid. This was not at all witty or funny. I apologize. I’m tired of all the effing commercials on the Olympics and it makes me most crabby.
You handled that WAY BETTER than I would have! I hated it in high school when my friends’ parents used to say “you’re always so healthy looking!” WTF? Healthy as in obviously never missed a meal? Were they calling me fat? I think they were.
[...] I’m not an aerobics instructor Heather Locklear exhausted a blogger SOLID [...]
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Being called solid would be a compliment to me … because a guy I was interested in once told me I was a “brute”. It started by him teasing me that I was weak, so it ended up with me lifting him up like a bundle of sticks. The man is thiiiiiin. And he said, “Oh my gosh! You’re a brute! You could mess me up so bad!” And stunned, I asked him why I’m a brute. He stunned me by telling me that I was assuredly Scandinavian & German in lineage, so that’s why. (I never told him that, he just is a good guesser!) So yeah, at least he didn’t call you a masculine name!
Maybe he could have said, “CAPABLE”. Oh gosh… boys. They almost can’t win