- August 30, 2009
- 29 Comments
- Fa' Real?, Family & Friends, Joel, Lucy, My Spawn, Not So Much, Olivia, Parenting/Family, The Confessional
Can I Be Totally Honest?
This weekend sucked. I was going to “fluff” up the “sucked” part and be all, “This weekend was Stinky Stinkerson.” But if I wrote that, the the “totally honest” part of my title would not have been “totally honest”.
It was not a weekend of illness. Nor a weekend of tragedy. Nor a weekend of poverty, nor oppression, nor starvation, nor anything worthy of garnering an uprising of pity, concern or having a group of friends rally and bring my family meals for 2 weeks (though I would never turn that away, rain OR shine)…
It just sucked. The “Mom!!!” part of this weekend, sucked.
I am at my wit(‘)s end. I don’t even know if an apostrophe should go there and I am so wits ended I would rather write a painfully long and shambly sentence than Google or Bing “wits/wit’s end.
My. Kids.
I am pretty sure I only have 1 nerve, and that’s been frayed since… oh golly… I think I was born with one frayed nerve back in the ’72. Not a good start in the journey of motherhood.
It actually got to the point where I had to run out of the house. Run. I ran down my gravel drive and hucked rocks. And I grunted loud even though I could only find girly, prissy rocks. TOTALLY un-grunt-worthy. That made me angrier.
I wanted to throw boulders.
A blackberry bush attacked my ankle and drew blood. I didn’t even feel the sting until the pulsing anger passed. I sat on a stool in my pantry and ate a fistful of chocolate chips.
Is this too “real”? Is this too “raw”. What if I told you I also kicked 2 balls and a tin bucket? Keepin’ it real.
What do you think of me now? It makes me uneasy to really share this struggle. But I’m gonna, friends. This is me… raw and unedited. Except for spellcheck and some editing.
All I can say is… the last few weeks have been wave after wave after unrelenting wave of opposition, manipulation, argumentation, boredom, requests, stupid puppy antics and crumbs everywhere. I am sitting in a pit of darkness eager to release my offspring to the public institution that is school, yet I teeter on a cliff, reaching for my babies… still wanting to keep them all to myself. Yes. No. Yes. NO!!!
Friends! I kicked things! By the way, one soccer ball went right in the dog kennel (no dog was in the kennel). It was aha-wesome. Also, had the dog kennel not been there, I’d have broken a basement window. Prolly.
And I am d-to-the-o-n-e. Today, I was talking with a friend who has an infant. We talked about leaving the infant to cry it out in his crib so she could regroup and get away from the crying.
That was what I did when I ran out of my house. I was separating me from the noise. The mess. The opposition.
“But, Jenny… if you disciplined your children consistently and raised them to be responsible…” Let me stop you there. I don’t even have anything to be able to answer that. That is simply because I feel the same way! I MUST be doing something wrong! I MUST BE DOING EVERYTHING WRONG!
IF I could find my “Mom Card”, I would hand it over… along with the keys to my minivan.
This is not my minivan.
Except I can’t find my “Mom Card” because either the dog chewed it up or my middle daughter used it for a craft, or the youngest peed on it or my oldest used it as a weapon.
Please be nice to me. I’m in recovery.
**********
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29 Responses to “Can I Be Totally Honest?”
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Kids…the gift that keeps on giving, no matter how bad we need a break.
Take a deep breath…and another. Not take another one.
The years will actually fly by and before you know it, they will all be heading to college…
Hang in there!
xo, Mango
Been there.
REALLY.
I actually told my 4 yr old to SHUT UP in the car the other day – I just couldn’t take the sound of his irritating voice any longer.
Wine helps.
Oh, honey, this weekend, after I FINALLY convinced my husband to PLEASE take the kids out of the house – really, for their own benefit, they ALL needed to leave – for at least an hour, and when they left? Well, when they left, I double-fisted half a bag of chocolate chips!! I should have probably gone out to find things to kick, too, to at least burn off a few of those morsels, but nope, I sat for a bit. There might have been a tear or eighteen. But yeah…so…I hear you.
Thanks for sharing Jenny. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who loses it due to just one too many “But MOMMY!!!!!!”s or dropped sippy cups or loads of laundry or messes to be cleaned or books to be read, etc. etc. I wonder what we will all be complaining about or will be pushing our buttons when the kids are all grown and out of the house? Our husbands? Having nothing left to clean?
I hope that doesn’t sound like I think you’re complaining unjustly, because I don’t. I don’t think you’re doing the Mommy thing wrong, none of us are, we’re just doing it, and all the kicking and yelling and hair pulling (ours and the kids) are part of it. Not the best part, but part of it none the less.
When my kids drive me the most nuts, I make a point of sneaking in after they are asleep and quietly watching them breathe. I take lots of deep breaths and try to think of what my life would be without them. I smooth back their hair and smile quietly to myself and remember them as babies when they were at their cutest.
The baby is the easiest one…he’s at the best age right now so it makes it easier.
It helps.
Dude. I don’t know you. But I’ve hit your blog a few times, so that practically makes us buddies. Plus I’ve been staring at your banner trying to figure out how to paint it and where to put it on my living room wall. Minus the red shoes.
Anyways. So I understand the sucky parts of suckiness. Also, that sounded a whole lot better in my head. So, you’re not alone in the sucknation of suckiciousness. Also sounded way better in my head. Now my comment is turning suckified.
I love reading your blog, and this post is another example of why.
Since you lost your “mom card” I will read the very fine print to you. “Temper tantrums, throwing things, kicking and screaming are all perfectly acceptable forms of catharsis for mothers. As long as we have to put up with it from them, we are allowed to realease it in our own ways.” and “If you think you’re doing everything right, you are doing something wrong. No one is that perfect.”
I hope that helps a little.
Oh, boy. I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time. I do not have kids. All I’ll say is, I’m glad you ran out of the house and kicked and threw things. And ate the chocolate chips. Better than keeping it bottled up, right? And I’m glad you came HERE and told us all about it—honestly and bluntly. I hope you felt a little better after that.
We’re all pulling for ya.
I totally get it. I have so been there myself. Zac went back to school a few weeks ago and OMG I was ready.
Take a couple breaths … stand up and spin a few times in a circle … I dare you to not laugh because everyone looks silly when they are spinning with their hands out wide like a little kid once again
Oh I am SO there with you, Sister. I have no idea what has gotten into my kids, but I think it is the same that has gotten into yours. The bickering and fighting and the constant stream of “MOOOOOM”‘s has me a bit crazed as well. I have been punishing here like mad. I just can’t take it anymore. I even got to the point where, in my quest for a few minutes of silence, I condemned them both to their rooms and they had to stare at the walls…until I said they didn’t have to anymore.I was tempted to leave them there like that ALL DAY.
UGH. I don’t want to be that MOM. But here we are.
I so wish I had some useful advice to offer but alas, I know nothing about kids. How about a big virtual hug? I know those!
See? This is what I thought parenting was like 90% of the time actually.
You gotta speak our truth.
This. This was me 2 weeks ago. Before school started back up. My neighbors had a lot to talk about over the fences.
2 kids and 3 dogs survived.
1 bird bath broke in half…it felt good.
Jenny you are sooo not alone. Although we are only expecting our first we spend lots of time with our niece and nephew. Last week our niece started screaming as loud as she could for no apparent reason. Nothing could soothe her. At the end of his rope, daddy, chased her barking like a dog, ran after her up the stairs while she threw shoes at him and if that wasn’t enough when she ran outside he was one second from hosing her down before we ran out yelling that will go to pre-school (“I got upset and was crying and my dad chased me around the house and then hosed me down”) not the best day in parenting. Finally I stole one of her brother’s bottles, filled it with juice and got her her favorite teddy bear. Instant flip from crying, screaming babe to angel. Sometimes the kid just needs a bottle (even at age 3), and I know sometimes the mommy needs some. May I recommend an ice cold Foster’s.
Yes!!
I get it – you’re frustrated and overwhelmed and you let it out and then you feel frustrated and overwhelmed and guilty…. It’s not pretty.
I am sooo tired of the arguing and the whining and the bickering and the sabotaging and the snipery. Oh the sinful little hearts of our precious babes. *gritted teeth* Gotta love em anyway! *forced grin*
Sometimes you just gotta run away for a second – you HAVE to – to regroup and catch your breath and find your equilibrium. MUCH better to be throwing rocks and kicking buckets than throwing insults and kicking kiddos. I have a broken mirror on the door of my master bathroom that I’m not proud of. I’m glad that it’s not a child that was hurt, but still, it’s a reminder to me of how I need to keep my temper in check. And make sure that I step away to vent it and vent it on inanimate objects. Rocks and trees would be good.
Sometimes we’ll ALL get away – head down to the park or the local BK with their indoor playground. The kids can run off their steam and I can sit back and sip a coffee or soda and enjoy the sound of giggles instead of screams for a little while.
But in the long run, there has to be a better way, right? A better way to get our kids to treat each other with respect and kindness, courtesy and manners, instead of treating each other like the plague covered in boogers. THERE HAS TO BE. I’m falling down in this area big time, too. I think in addition to keeping my kids busy enough (you know what they say about idle hands) we need to practice the take off/put on approach. Take off anger, put on happiness. Take off selfishness, put on generosity. I think I spend plenty of time telling my kids what not to do – maybe I don’t spend enough time teaching them what to do instead. I dunno. But as God would have it, I just had to deal with that in the middle of writing that very sentence. I told my son to take off his angry eyebrows and put on his happy smile and tell his sister, “I would be happy to help you,” and then help.
Here’s to hoping it works!
Dooooooood. This is why I am writing
“Totally Desperate Mom: Keepin’ it Real in the Motherhood.” Every Mom can relate. And needs encouragement and laughter and GOD! Lydia is on the five year potty training plan and she pooped in her pants again today. Two minutes after I asked her if she needed to go potty. What part of “Do you need to go potty?” does she NOT understand? I feel ya sister. I feel ya. I am sending you my “Taking Care of Mom Emotionally” chapter tonight. I don’t have a part in their about kicking things, but maybe I should add it?
Oh, my friend, you are so not alone. It’s hard, this being a mom thing. But, you know, because it is so hard, it’s so worth it. I pray for better days for you. And how smart you were to leave for a run. If only all parents could remove themselves before things turned too ugly (abusive). To me, that means you absolutely deserve that Mom Card. No doubt.
I would type a response except the little one’s SCREAMING her head off! Agh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Great post, Jenny. Glad you were brave and wrote it.
i’d kick something, too, except usually i miss.
Oh yes, I’ve been there. It’s so hard to be a Mom, it really is. Hang in there though, they’ll redeem themselves when you least expect it.
And if I’m being totally honest with you? I’m so glad you were kicking objects and …. NOT your kids
HUGS.
Ummm…totally relate. Are you in my head? I keep hearing that this too shall pass. I truly beleive it is a lie. A fat, bald faced lie. And school? It is here and they have not been there long enough for me to catch my breathe. Hang in there. Have some more chocolate. Or some “Mommy Juice”.
Hmmmmm…..want to help. I could come over and yell at them for practically breaking you. Want to. I could see it coming. I think I know what I’ll do…..
Can I just say…I love your blog! You make me feel like a normal mom. When you find that “mom card” will you post it? That way I know what to look for when I feel like packing it in and going to the looney bin for some peace and quiet.
What do I think of you now? I think you’re effin’ RAD. I’ve always thought that. And baby, I’m with you on the kicking crap, grunting and lobbing rocks trip as well. No matter what anyone says, there are days when being a mom sucks hairy monkey bollocks.
thanks for being so honest. It makes me feel better, that I’m not the failure I feel I am for everything that’s wrong in my life. That other people have their own issues, their lives aren’t perfect either. (not of course that I want anyone to suffer, but it’s good to know I’m not alone…)
I love my daughter beyond words. So the GUILT that assuages me when I get frustrated and want that peace and quiet is often overwhelming. I mean, shouldn’t I be thankful that my child has a voice, instead of being a mute? Shouldn’t I be thankful that my daughter wants to know WHY, instead of being dull witted, or not caring?
So we aren’t perfect in our own eyes, but I bet if you ask your kids, they will say you’re darn close. Mine does and just for that moment, it takes away some of that inner turmoil. In the months ahead, as my husband and I go thru this divorce my daughter is PRAYING disappears, I know my patience will be even more thin. I hope for her sake (and mine!) that I don’t lose that veil of perfection she sees in me.
~lizzy
Been there. Done that. Thanks for writing it in a way that made me smile instead of cry. To know that “it is not just me!” is a great feeling! If one more person tells me how fast it goes I am going to scream! I know it goes fast–I have four–but sometimes it is so hard and I feel so bad at all the mom stuff that I long for some quiet time in a clean house. But I know if I had that I would probably get bored quick and I know I will be one of the helicoptor” moms hovering when they go to college!
You have a great “voice”. Thanks for sharing. It is so good to laugh! Found your blog through my dear friend Kristin J. She was the one who got me blogging in the first place–and is the first picture on my blog.
-C
Dude, I totally, totally, totally, totally get where you’re coming from. And I’m there too. Soak in it for a while. Sometimes that’s the best remedy. It’ll go away like a pimple on your butt.
You keep it real and that is why I love you & your blog! We’ve ALL been there. I realize this comment is a bit after the fact considering it’s been over a week since you posted and I am sure you’re feeling much better now – but if not just know that I would love to come over and commiserate with you, then I’d take you out for a yummy row of cake OR better yet a cold refreshing diet caffinated beverage. Hugs to you!!
Its ok pretty lady.
I have been through raising 4. My youngest graduated high school this year and I can promise you did fine and nothing we all haven’t done.