Jenny On the Spot: Caffeinated mom, lover of dancing, glitter and glitter.

I have no idea. This is not me. Clearly. No pink stripes in the hair. Otherwise. Mirror much? I kid… I don’t kid.

One day (Wednesday), I ventured to the gym. I am rather committed to the pursuit of fitness… for the next 8 days.

It’s important to have a plan. You see, I am going to be the MC for my kids’ school auction next Friday and since the school auction is going to be all about me, I plan on wearing lots of glitter and a fabulous dress. A fabulous dress – I would like to wear – as opposed to having IT wear ME. Thus, pumping iron and whathaveyou.

Also, I will be overdressed, but word on the street is the Auctioneer is wearing a tux and I simple CANNOT have him outshine me.

Me.

Me.

Me.

IfyaknowwhatImean.

You wanna se my dress? This is the dress. Hold onto your hats.
Continue reading ‘Are You An Aerobics Instructor Here? (Adventures at the Gym)’

The Husband… his eyes burning with condemnation… as he stared at me through the innocent stair rails… He said, and I DO believe he seethed these words in ALL CAPS:

AND YOU KNOW THIS ALLLLLLLL HAPPENS BECAUSE YOU BLOG.

Whu? Who? Me???

Here’s what happened. It was a long weekend. A full weekend. A long a full weekend. To the tune of 3 children in 5 plays (the same one, but 5 shows), one gymnastics show, 4 or 5 meals out, one Jingle Bell Run

I made the local news for that… but they edited out my best line. You know the one…

Wait for it…

MADE OUT OF AWESOME.

Edited. Out. That was NOT made out of awesome.

I digress…

My friend Patti took pictures… Here’s me and something about spirits before the run:

Here’s a picture of me after the run… all bleary eyed, and missing one cute red ribbon from my hair…

Andalsosomuch, though the color of my skin might suggest otherwise… I do not have a case of the jaundiced. That was just bad lighting. I’m serious.

Oh yeah… with narry a 15 minutes to spare at any point on Sunday… we all made it home around 9 p.m. with my sis, bro, and mama -in-law and nephew… so we could celebrate our Christmas together. We are just way to busy for each other to make it happen ON Christmas, ya know? Aaaanywho…

9 p.m. on Sunday night…

Once the paninis were grilled and coffee drank and banana cream pie consumed… the kids opened presents and then ate their caramel apples…

And in the blink of an eye (a couple-a hours) … the in-laws drove away so as not to miss the next ferry and the children headed up to brush their teeth and the dog peed on my bedroom floor and my husband cleaned it up and I put a towel on the wet spot and I headed downstairs to curse our fool dog out of the children’s ear-range and then the 4 year old peed on the towel that covered the cleaned-up dog pee mess.

ON. THE. TOWEL.

True story.

It was at that point my husband looked at me between my fair stair railings and said,

AND YOU KNOW THIS ALLLLLLLL HAPPENS BECAUSE YOOOOOU BLOG.

Crack smoker.

The nerve. And I totally know what he means.

Mah bloggahs… I KNOW y’alls know what he means.

And then this morning I was all “You wanna know what ELSE happens because I blog? Wanna know, huh, huh??? I just won AWESOME ITSELF for doing a meme *neenerneener crack smoker*. My post Wishy, Wishy won the random draw at the Todays Mama’s Holiday Wishlist Giveaway. All kidding aside… this news made me cry great-big happy tears. That bike. Be still. My. Heart.

And also BECAUSE I BLOG…. YOU, my friends have a chance to win a $100 Visa gift card! My kids tried out the new Tom’s of Maine Silly Strawberry toothpaste…. we even made a video! But you’ll need to head over there to enter for your chance! Good luck!

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To bed by 10:30 Saturday night and up by 3:50 Sunday morning.

So began my quest to the finish line.

I heated up my oatmeal, brewed the coffee, and headed out the door. Ran back in. It was pretty warm outside (in the PNW in NOVEMBER) and I grabbed a tank top.

I met Katie, her hubby and her son at their house and we piled into their car to race to the ferry.

Before we left the driveway I spilled coffee down the front of me.

Soaked through 3 layers.

Continue reading ‘The Tale of My 5th Half-Marathon’

This should post at 7:00 a.m. PST. That is one half-hour before the start time for the Seattle Half Marathon…

And I will be there, beneath the clouds and “shadow” of the Space Needle. Running in some manner of run-ness. I may will Tweet. I may Whrrl.

Right now I should be in bed. It’s 10:14. I have to get up at 3:50.

Made out of not smart.

My oatmeal is made (will reheat it in the morning). The coffee is set to go. I have my Gu and electrolyte tabs packed… My crazy? Got that too. I never leave home without that. I have a bit of a sore throat and feel I am on the verge of getting more sick.

But I will “run”.

Wish me luck. I ate a donut for dinner. Ummm… maybe couldya wish me luck again?

I should be asleep… but no. I blog and screw around to nab a pre-race pic in Photo Booth. Priorities people. I am a blogger first.

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I am at a crisis-ish point.

Idon’twanna.

The only “wanna” I got has to do with coffee, a warm blanket and my internets. Or Hulu. And cookies in the oven then subsequently… in mah bellee.

I don’t wanna keep going. But I can’t stop.

Running. I’m talking about “running. I took this pic today after my 11 mile run. I feel this pics says, “Save me…” Maybe it says, “I just took 800 mg of Ibuprofen and I need it to start working.” Or maybe it just says, “I’m really tired, and need to ice the arch of my right foot.”

Why 11 miles? Because I am getting ready to do a half-marathon in a few weeks. I love the idea. I hate the work. But I love the work.
Continue reading ‘In Which I Ask Myself, “Why?”’

So. I have this friend. Darcy. A personal trainer. A personal trainer who happens to be my friend who has been cruel kind enough to show me how to properly and effectively work mah boday. She is into “functional training”, and I’m all, “Heh… she said “function”…

Lemme tell ya, the first time she functionally beat the living crap out of me werked her functional magic… I spent lots of time face to rubber with the butt of a Bosu ball. She is a HUGE fan of the bosu ball, thusandtherefore, I have now sucked face with a great number of Bosu balls. Lucky Bosus. I’m kidding.

*not me* but… been there done that.

Wanna cookie?

I digress….
Continue reading ‘My Butt Hurts, You Don’t Even Know.’

My feet are a WRECK. Over the past 3 years I have stacked running and triathlon events in such a way that my feet have not have the opportunity to return to the intended state they were given to me. You know, 10 intact, cute-ish toes… all with nails. Not model feet, but I considered the nail shape and thickness all to be in normal-to-acceptable range. And give those babies a pedi by a pro… only better.

But now it is all about smoke and mirrors my friends.

I now have 6 normal toe nails. 1 ultra thick one, if I am not careful, I am afraid it might get taller than me. I am not posting a picture. Even I have boundaries. The other thick nail… a professioanl was able to wrangle her to a place of submission. Poor guy. Yes, I had a pedi by a man. It was uncomfortable, but it had to be done. I had a public to protect. I swear, left unchecked… my toes could hurt an innocent by-stander, or at least make them vomit in their mouth a little. I want my public to be a happy public, so… I will endure a pedi by a man… if that is what it takes. *folds arms*

I also have 2 toes (the center ones) with NO NAIL. Did you know you can paint the spot where a nail should be? No one can tell. Smoke and mirrors my friends, smoke and mirrors…

The 2 nails that have complete gone AWOL are a direct result of my marathon in early May. They were fine the morning before, and made big, throbbing protests the days following. One fell off weeks ago. The other fell off yesterday.

Being the sub-standard mom that I am… Our Tooth Fairy (this will make sense, I promise) has a reputation for not showing up in a timely manner. This was a letter my daughter left for our TF one time:

Aaaanywho. So. I lost my toenail yesterday. My daughter Olivia (who had lost a tooth the day before… made a note for our fair Tooth Fairy AND left her tooth just outside her bedroom door instead of under her pillow… she is a go-getter, I tell ya. Thank heaven the TF woke up at 3:30 in the a.m. and remembered to scrounge the kids’ therapy fund and paid the kid for her tooth… which, by the way… she RIPPED out cuz that girl is made out of pure Awesome and Tough Schtuff!)

Where was I?

Oh. My toenail. My daughter was there when I finally showed Ms. Nail who was boss. Olivia said, “Oh! Mom!!! You should put that under your pillow!”

“But Olivia, do you think the Nail Fairy will come?”

Olivia was certain, “Oh yeah. You better not put it under your pillow… put it at your door.”

My poor girl. *plops 2 quarters back in the Therapy Fund*

I lump them both into the same category of people:

Pilates… Yoga… it’s all the same to me.

I know the ladies at Where’s My Damn Answer are Pilates lovahs… I’m sorry my friends. I have yet to see the draw. Don’t hate me. I know if you were with me in a class, I’d TOTALLY come around. One might say I have some preset judgements on people who lead such activities. Maybe I need to meet the right people and get converted.

I should admit the one yoga/pilates class I went to was delightfully non-creepy. I kept waiting for the instructor to ask us to “begin imagining ROOTS growing out of your SSSSSIT-bone” — THAT would have been when I’d hop-up on my feet and bust out a grapevine or kick-ball-change. I’m a traditional gal with a streak of rebellion. “Sit bones”… the heck? It’s a butt.

The silliest thing at the one class I attended (only weeks ago)… the instructor had us lie on our backs, ball up, weave our arms about our legs like ElastiGirl and rock and clap our feet.

*blinking*

It was called “The Seal”. I’m not kidding. I’m not afraid of making a fool of myself… but… Yeah, “sit-bone”. We. Clapped. Our. Feet. WTH? I could NOT stop giggling. Pretty sure I even snorted and slapped the floor. I have no idea how close I was to being kicked-out. Kind of like science class in 9th grade. I never got the boot, but I should have.

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No new stuff here because I have new stuff at Type-A Mom and Mom on the Spot. 

• At Type-A Mom I discuss that fact that I have discovered I can’t be still. I don’t know if it’s mania or mania. Anywho… feel free to check-out I Cannot Be Still at Type-A Mom…
• At Mom on the Spot (my reader blog for the Kitsap Sun) I shared about another fun elementary lunch-time experience with my first grade daughter. Those kids are a treasure trove of weting material. Again, feel free to check-out that post I *clears throat* titled “Out to Lunch”

Tomorrow I hope to spend hours neglecting my family… all in order to spew and digress about the torture and victory I found in finish MY FIRST MARATHON last Sunday. I know. I keep not shutting up about it. I gotta get that post on so I cna move on to other things… about Me. :) There will be pictures, but rest assured I will only be showing the ones where my belly is not hitting my in the head. You betcha.

And finally… I am off!!! Gonna apply some make-up and whatnot… I’m goin’ dancin’! Woot! Wish you could come with me!

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Dear friends,

I apologize for the delay here. Instead of crafting yet another dynamic MMLM post yesterday… I piled my bawdy high with ice. I filled her with ibuprofen and drank inordinate amounts of water. I ate a Carl’s Junior Western bacon cheeseburger  for lunch and *ahem* evacuated all but prolly an eighth of an onion ring and a teaspoon of BBQ sauce within 45 minutes of gestation. TMI? You don’t know the half of it, and you never will, cuz I’m classy like that.

I am feeling better this morning, though I have not yet tried to walk. *shivers* The skin that had clothing on it ached even when I looked at it yesterday, now it is just a little warm because I got a tad sunburned after running in the sun FOR 5 HOURS. he weather showed rain. No sunbreaking… just rain. Hithertohencetoforth, I saw no need for sunscreen at 7 a.m. and 40 degrees. Tho I did have my sunglasses. *phew*

But I am not here to recount the Marathon yesterday. I may need to seek counseling in order to allow my psyche access to those hours of deep mental trauma. I will tell you I finished – Katie pulling me the entire way. She’s less-right in the head than me, and that’s sayin’ somethin’. She needs a blog. I digress….

I flopped onto Greeblemonkey’s blog today where she posted the following poster. I cackled so loud a chunk of sheetrock dislodged from the unfinished basement. I am pretty sure. Or it could have been muscle tearing from my bawdy. I’ll find out when I step out of bed.

You can get this poster at Ishkur.com

And no matter how far I run (say. 26.2 miles) and NOT DIE… I will never, ever attain this level of Awesome. I’m OK with that. It is actually a relief. It is a lot pressure to maintain my level of Awesome (stop laughing, disproportionate amounts of lactic acid have infiltrated every muscle my body knew or didn’t know it had)… Can it affect the brain too, cuz I’m pretty sure something has happened there too…

Howevah… Awesomer than Me… YOU. Really! I am totally typing this with a straight face! One is only as great as the people one is surrounded by. So really, look at that poster…

That’s kind-of like US? You… Me… WE… Isn’t it? But Can I be Luke?

P.S. Would love to hear what has made you laugh today! Either link to your specific funny in the Mr. Linky below, or share it in a comment!

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