Jenny On the Spot: Caffeinated mom, lover of dancing, glitter and glitter.

You know how they are. It went something like,

Olympic Fever has finally hit the Northwest! !!!!! !!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was working on taxes, so… I was already not in my right mind.

Immediately I thought,

Quick! Into the bomb shelter!

Woo-hoo! I’ll make Olympic Fever Masks!

Oh great. Another immunization.

And then it hit me.

THE OLYMPICS! Athletes, a torch, and whathaveyou. And also some Stonehenge inspired graphic… cuz a big, heavy looking rock guy makes sense… I’m sure there’s a story, but Mama has had enough of Google for one night. And Corona.

*Ring Ring*

Jenny, it’s the clue phone… and it’s for you.

Oh yeah, thanks. The Olympics. Right. Apollo Ono. Yeah. THAT fever.

I think the newscaster-person-dude was just tryin’ to start a riot, or pillaging. Alarmist. I bet he majored in Drama. So I clicked over to Day of Our Lives to get a break from the drama. I’m kidding.

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Have you seen the movie Elf. Oh that Will Ferrell! He’s a riot. Well, there’s one line in the movie that feels a lot like my life. Listen:

Really, I can use the spirit of that phrase for anything!

Scenario 1: Hey Jenny, you wanna go get coffee? Is there caffeine in coffee? THEN YES!

Scenario 2: Hey Jenny, wanna use some of my shimmer lotion? Is there glitter in shimmer lotion? THEN YES!

Senario 3: Hey Jenny, do you want me to put a shot of Tequila in your Corona? Is there liquor in Tequila? THEN YES!

Scenario 4: Hey Jenny, do you want to be the MC for the school auction? Is there a microphone in that? THEN YES!

Scenario 5: Hey Jenny, you wanna help lead a pep rally for the Knowledge Bowl? Does it mean that at the age of thirty-youbetternotsayaword I get to put on a cheer uniform and dance on a stage? THEN YES!

Scenario 6: Hey Jenny, you wanna get a new pair of Converse? Is there AWESOME in those? THEN YES!

Dang it! You know how it was Doppelganger Week on Facebook last week? I thot I was more Jennifer Aniston-y (the hair)… By the power of Greyskull www.faceinhole.com it seems I confused a great number of people with this pic:

That’s not me. Well, it’s my face. In a hole. *erm* The vessel is Jennifer Aniston. If Jennifer Aniston and I ever had babies…

TO BE CLEAR – THAT IS NOT ME. *butitkindais*

I got a little creative and cropped-out the “Face in Hole” graphic to up-play the potential twin-ness of the Jenster and I. And it seems it *may* have appeared to some it was ALLLLLL me. That I had gone Hollywood for reals and for FINALLY!

I wish. Not that I COULDN’T *clears throat*… It’s just that I didn’t. I was busy.

And in the end it seems my HEART doppelganger is Will Ferrell’s character in Elf. I too, like syrup… because there is sugar in it. Oh. Yes!

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But there are two things I really, really struggle with:

MATH

I am so bad at math that when I see the image below my mouth waters and I’m all, “Oooooh! Flaky crust! I LOVE pi(e)!”

And also MINDREADING

So, I guess if I were to bring this full circle, what this means for YOU is…

If you and I were ever held hostage and our taker-person said, “OK, Jennyonthespot, you need to read my mind and solve the equation in my head, or YOUR FRIEND HERE DIES!“

You would totally die.

Totally.

I may suck at math and mind reading, but I do have a bit of influence when it comes to *batting lashes*. I might be able to get you your last meal, if I *toss my hair* just right… So, I guess, at this point, my advice for would be to leave your last meal request in the comments section. I am a big fan of emergency preparedness…

Funny. I am now kind of thinking I am not real great at  issues involving REALITY. Perhaps there are 3 things I am not good at….

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My friend Kearsie of Sounds Like Tomatoes has inspired me to copy her… *meow*

In other news – this is hilarious. No? I HAD to share.

Aaaanywho… Kearsie does this “Keyboard Confessions” thing. And I like it. It feels People Magazine-y. I only indulge in the likes of People and other celeb gossip mags at the hair salon or on airplanes. It is my pop culture education. Other wise I pretty much just spray glitter. And drink coffee.

Orsomethinglikethat.

My Confessions, because… well just because:

1) I do not host parties of the home-party kind anymore, like jewelry… make-up… whatever. I love and buy some brands out there, but choose to not earn the deal one gets from hosting parties. I have great and dear friends who are consultants for businesses. I just don’t do the party-host thing. I can’t.

WHYYYYY? Because once you invite 15 friends, hope for 8 and only have 2 show-up… YOU STILL INVITED 15 PEOPLE, WHICH, by law, MEANS YOU ARE ON THE HOME PARTY LIST FOR 15 PEOPLE. FOR 5 YEARS OR UNTIL DEATH in some rare cases.

Don’t get me wrong. I am a party girl. I love people, chatting, connecting, laughing. I WANT my friends to make money in their businesses and I want my friends to get good deals… But I am a guilty girl, and feel I have to buy stuff to help out my friends… and remember there are at least 15 people I invited to MY party… so — That’s, like 30 parties over the course of year…

…and I don’t care what kind of deal I get for hosting a party… it is not a deal in the end… because I either need to go to 60 parties in a year (or 30, *whatever*) and buy stuff. Stuff I may LOVE, I may WANT…

…but a free bottle of something from MY party won’t help me pay for 30/60/90 bottles of guilt.

You hate me. I’m sorry. I am almost not female because of this. I’m sure of it. Maybe #2 will prove otherwise:

2) I cried on the phone today. Been feeling weepy. A lot. But this weepy is cyclically familiar. SO I told my friend on the phone… “I’ll be OK. You just wait. I will probably call you later this afternoon to tell you I started bleeding.”

TMI? My amends. Hello! Female! *waves hands wildly* This is how it is. My life. And probably yours. Unless you’re a man, and if you start bleeding in the way I probably will be soon, then – I think you should see a doctor.

I am like, freaking Dr. Google.

3) Since making videos (have you subscribed, have you rated???), I have learned something about myself. I do this weird sniffing thing. On my piercing side. Gonna have to stop that. Oscar winners don’t have weird sniffers. Or maybe they do.

4) So, speaking of my nose piercing… she is sickly much of the time. But I will fight for her. Salt soaks everyday. It’s a pain, but the most passionate love endures abuse like I have endured. This is how I know I love Nosie truly, deeply.

5) I want to start calling my dog Kevin, Kitty. I tried it last night, and he totally came to me. My dog is so cool. And stupid.

6) I crack myself up. That’s why I go out to coffee with me so much.

7) I think lists should come in 10’s.

8) Which sucks if one doesn’t have 10 things. Just sayin’.

9) I love pizza.

10) My friend Jen introduced me to Jose Corona, and I love him. A shot of Tequila in your Corona… and a slice of lime. Arriba!

11) I hate pinatas.

12) I don’t know how to make my computer put the squiggly thing on n’s, like for the word, “pinata”.

*cheesy grin*

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It’s been an emotional week. Eventually, I’ll have the words write about it, but exhaustion has me wondering how where to start. So, in an effort to not purge raw emotion all helter-skelter-y onto the interwebz, I will employ a strategy… the art of distraction. It’s different from denial. Because I said so.

Of course, the most distracting thing in my bed of tools, is humor.

And yes, I just typed out “bed of tools”.

Clearly, I need to get on with this post and get out.

*hrmmm*

I am certain you know I have some word issues. I’d like to add another word to that list: SLEEVE.

You may also know I have a fairly sensitive gag reflex. I know you know this because I write about these things and you read every single post I write. Write? Right? All millions baker’s dozen of you.

I also hate so many words all in one space so I’m going to put up a picture *scans thru iPhoto*… This one is from last week when I went into Pier One to drool. I took a picture with this cool orb-thing I really wanted. I figured if I couldn’t take it home with me, I would take a picture with her to remember her by. Besides, pictures last longer, so I hear…
Continue reading ‘Another Word… Sleeve’

I re-wrote the lyrics to the classic Santa Baby as performed by Eartha Kitt.

And then, one evening, I finally found my “quiet place”… a busy Walmart parking lot in a remote part of Utah.

Vernal.

Vernal, Utah.

And IN THAT PARKING LOT — I recorded me singing my new rendition of Santa Baby. Desperate times, people.

This is my letter to Santa. Santa Baby. There are a lot of 7 year-old cool cats out there… sending him letters or visiting him at the mall. Soon they’ll be leaving him cookies! I have competition, and I want to stand out. I want him to know how verrrrry good I’ve been, that I’ll be leaving him cookies too, and Santa… I want you to know how verrry handsome YOU are in that Big. Red. Coat. *RAWR*

I can’t believe I just posted this. I have official lost it. Heh. That was fun… and please note: I never claimed to be like Eartha Kitt, just crazy. Simple and crazy. And glittery. Oh, and maybe sometime awesome, but that’s cuzza the glitter.

Merry Christmas. All silliness aside… Merry Christmas. Times are tight, and sadness abounds.  I believe The Greatest Gift has already been given. May your day be merry and bright… Love, be kind and laugh with others. I hope I’ve been able to help you with that last one :)
JOTS Code

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About 7 months ago I showcased my custom-blinged swine flu masks in a video:

I wish I had another video to share. Alas, I do not. I know this is disappointing and I promise I will not make a habit of such things *feels self-important*. I do have a couple of pictures of new masks… one is a re-make of the famous and favorite army men mask that my husband made himself under my critical watchful creative eye(s)… and the other, well just another brilliant maniacal creation of my mind. We wore these on Halloween.

Here’s my husband’s interpretation of the army men mask:

Ain’t no fool swine flu gettin’ all up in theh, yo.

This next one was more genius than I gave myself credit for. In my mind, I envisioned the swine flu virus just being scared by all the sharp points on the following mask:

What I didn’t know, until I started walking along the streets, meetin’ mah public where they at… I didn’t anticipate that no one would want to come near me.

No one.

Within the first two minutes of bein’ out in my public, one woman… eyes opened wide in horror… saw me… backed away and yelped, “OH MY GAH! WHAT ISssss THAT?”

I get that a lot.

For the rest of my trick-or-treating evening I was left physically alone. No hugs. No kisses. No hand shakes… not even a high five. No slobbery babies… If you are a recluse – I suggest ordering one of these masks. There is no need to live on a secluded island anymore. A push-pin swine flu mask is all you need to attain the isolation you crave and deserve.

Conclusion: Based on my scientific research, of all the masks I have ever created – I believe this mask to be the most effective at keeping the germies away. Success!

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I am in a FUNK. So here’s a video I made just this morning. It was going to be short, but I should just embrace the fact I am long winded in both the written and spoken word.

Now - that review and $100 Visa gift card giveaway! I have a new video there too! But it’s of my kids, and the even break out in song. When I watch the video I marvel… how true it is that the apples do not fall far from the tree… Click here.

Now. A shout-out for teachers! I recently teamed with BlogHer who has teamed with donorschoose.org to highlight a few Seattle-area high-poverty classrooms that need funding with projects ranging from reading books to pianos to white boards. But it’s not just for Seattle-area projects! This Social Media Challenge includes 16 cities across the country! I was just privileged to be part of helping select the Seattle-area projects. I know not everyone who comes through here is from this area, so I have the following widget in my sidebar and below… If you click there you can browse for a city near you and look at the of school children and teachers in your area!

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See? In the first pic — Barbie. The gal in the pic on the right? ME. I did the red first, girlfriend. Step back.

And THEN… *psh*… As. If. *huff* Lil Polly Pocket thinks she can steal my sunshine.WEML.

Eh. Like…. SRSLY??? Polly, did you just call me fat? Well, YOU have an usually large head. And you’re sealed in plastic. *sticks out tongue*

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New at Mom Fail: My Future Tattoo Ar-teest

New at Type-A Mom: Summer Brings a Mix of Fear and Excitement

New at Mom on the Spot: Wrapping-up the School Year

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A little bit of this: An insider look… this Jenny on drugs blogging:

Sure… it LOOKS like I’m thinking, but… prolly not so much. 

A little bit of that: My son… He’s 9 and I have no idea how I became the mother of a nine year boy. I have been in “baby/toddler/preschooler” mode  since he was born and at 4 years old, my daughter Lucy still has me in the thick of battle. But I am finding I really need to shift gears. My son is 9 and is not so much the ultra-dependent little person he once was. NOW, girls are flirting with him. Oy:

… I took my daughter to play practice this afternoon. (GO Kitsap Children’s Musical Theater!!!) Olivia wandered in while I stayed in the car with my 4 year old daughter and 9 year old son. Within minutes I felt as if my hawt little minivan was a bloody carcass being circled by hungry sharks…. No, it was worse! A gaggle of giggling elementary girls circled my van when they discovered my son was safe inside. 

You can read the entire expose’ at my Mom on the Spot blog over there at the Kitsap Sun…
Continue reading ‘A little bit of this, a little bit of that…’