Archive for the 'The Confessional' Category

Confession - Olympic Dreams

I have admitted this to friends, but to admit this in a wider forum fells kinda silly. However, ya’ll know I want to keep it real wit’cha so here goes…

I have always wanted to swim in the Olympics. As long as I can remember. 

I started “competing” in my local summer swim club (not a year-round club) when I was 5… maybe 6. I kept swimming each summer until I was 18. It wasn’t until I entered the 13-14 age group that I started doing well - at least in the small community I was part of. It was during that time I began beating (finishing before, not assaulting) the girls who I had never been able to gain victory over in the 8 years before. 

Continue reading ‘Confession - Olympic Dreams’

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on July 5, 2008
in 365, General, Swim/Bike/Run and The Confessional
. 7 Comments

Confession - Cosmetic Surgery

If I had the hard cold cash, or room in my budget to make the monthly payment on a credit plan… I would totally get my tummy “done”. 

After gaining 50+ pounds in each of my 3 pregnancies, and then losing 50+ pounds three times… Miss Belly just couldn’t handle the pressure. All that stretching… well, stretched her to her limits and she’s just never been the same. Poor girl. And it seems I do have a threshold when it comes to public humiliation, so I will refrain from posting a picture or explaining further. Our lives will just be better that way.

Let me just say this, I am so grateful for clothes. Clothes = a really good thing. Oh, and layering rocks. It’s “camouflage” on a whole other level… “fashiou-flage”, if you will.

Anyways, I’d TOTALLY cosmesurgetize my bellyness. I know - I should be proud of who I am… “work it”… “own it”… be proud of my womanity… yadda, yadda, yadda… 

I guess without a tummy fixin’ I could be a model…

***water spewing from nose***

I mean, they hire people who just pose for “before” pictures, right???

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Published
by
jennyonthespot
on June 22, 2008
in 365, Beauty - ha!, General, Jenny Jen-Jen, Mutha' Hood and The Confessional
. 10 Comments

“Training” Schmaining

So, I have been posting a buncha garbage about this thing I call “training”. I have a half-marathon I intend to complete in a few weeks and I do not want to be unprepared - so I “train”. 

But I’ve been thinking lately. I am keeping track of my “physical” preparations, but not my “ingestive” preparations. Basically: if I really look at what I have been eating the last number of weeks, one might think I am actually training for a hot dog eating contest.

Not kidding.

Or a latte’ drinking contest.

Or a sugar-rush contest.

A cookie eating contest?

But not a half-marathon.

Oh well. At least I’m honest.

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on May 20, 2008
in 365, Eats, General, Guilt, Swim/Bike/Run and The Confessional
. 5 Comments

Confession: I Don’t Sew

I use this:

I have sewn… There was the awful 4-H-green and white dress I made when I was 10ish (for 4-H)… And there was that one stress-filled week before Halloween of ‘02 where I made my 3-year-old son an astronaut suit. Like he cared. He won’t remember my pain, but I do… I do… I spent WAY more hard cold cash making it myself than just buying a way-cooler pre-made astronaut suit. Suffice it to say, the power cord on my very lovely, looks-like-I’m-a-serious-sewer sewing machine has not been plugged into the wall since. I do sew on buttons though *kicking and screaming*. Oh, and Awana patches. Well, last year anyway. My poor kids wore last year’s patches all this year. 

Continue reading ‘Confession: I Don’t Sew’

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on May 14, 2008
in 365, Artsy Fartsy, Bloggy Bloggy, Guilt and The Confessional
. 8 Comments

Confession - My Nose

I want a ring in it. No, not “tribal”, but just a small shiny thing. Small. Really tiny, but sparkly.

I worry about what the neighbors would think, what my friends who are parents of teenagers would think, what the new mommies I am making friends with would think, what the pastors would think, what the older women I admire and consider mentors would think… 

Why do I want one? I’m not even really sure. I think they are cute and fun and daring. I have not met one little nose stud I have not admired.

I have elements of cuteness and funness, but daring… not so much. I follow rules, whether stated or implied. In my life, a nose ring is an implied “no”.

One time, in high school… I got one of those magnetic studs and put it in my nose (I suppose I have always had interest, just not nerve, nor - in this instance, sense)… Yeah. The magnet part got stuck up my nose and I had to leave class to blow it out - REALLY hard.

I know I don’t want a magnetic nose ring.

Also, I am not a “I’m gonna do what I gotta do for me”, kind of gal. So… to me, others matter. Not so much in the little things… but more the big things. Is this a big thing or a little thing? I just don’t know! Am I thinking too much? That’s funny. The word “thinking” implies one has a brain, and me - brain… again - not so much.

Then there’s my husband. He  is all over it. LUUUUUVS the idea. 

I still don’t know why am actually struggling over this. Maybe it’s because, unlike when I was 16 - I actually have a choice now. I have power. I can choose to do it or not to do it. Wow.

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on May 7, 2008
in 365, Fa' Real?, General, Go ahead, chime in!, Guilt, Jenny Jen-Jen and The Confessional
. 14 Comments

Want to feel like a good mom?

Check this out:

Unbeknownst to me, my son’s shoes were in desperate shape. There were a few times he would off-handedly mention his feet were getting wet at recess. I was all, yeah… cuz he plays in the wet grass. We live in the Pacific Northwest. Wet, wet, wet… Duh.

Apparently, there was a bigger problem… An observant mother might identify the problem as: HOLES IN HIS SHOES. Not hole, but holeS. Biguns. Big and many… Talk. About. Guilt. This guilt is appropriate and called for. Look at these shoes. The child that wore these shoes has a mother. A real mother with brains and a heart… I wonder what his teacher thinks. Wait, I don’t want to know. 

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on April 23, 2008
in 365, Fa' Real?, Joel, Mutha' Hood and The Confessional
. 8 Comments

Confession - My Corruption

I am ruined. Ruined I tell you. Completely ruined. I used to be innocent. I used to be blissfully ignorant. I used to be young But now… but now…

Two words. Two little words have been forever changed for me. When I hear them, I giggle like a junior high-er who’s teacher just said, “S-E-X”. When I come across either of these two words I giggle and giggle and giggle and there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do about it. Remember Pavlov and the dog and the bell and salivation. Think Jenny and these two words and giggling and more giggling.

First word. 2 syllables: “BUSINESS”

One night I was watching SNL. They did a little spoof on the robot vacuum - the Roomba. Only their product was called the Woomba. I am so ashamed, I can’t even embed the video, you’re gonna have to go there. I just can’t bring myself to do it…

Aaanynowhoos. So. There. When I hear the word “business” I giggle. When I saw this Costco business delivery truck (I am giggling!)… I giggled.

Second Word. 1 syllable: “JUNK”

Yes, there is a theme. I can’t heard this word without, well, giggling. Pastor, can you please refrain from using the word “junk” in your sermons. I. Am. Not. Kidding.

Friends, try not to tell me that you need to move your junk or get rid of your junk or haul your junk to the dump. It. Is. Just. Too. (*heh*) Much. If you don’t know what I mean - it has to do with some show… or was it a movie… Guys hurt themselves in ridiculous ways. It’s a show I have not seen even part of the way through because I have a very sensitive gag reflex. Not kidding. Also, I just can’t bring myself to spread the linky love… not to their junk…. heh, I couldn’t help myself.

And there you have it. Probably one two of my most shameful secrets.

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Published
by
jennyonthespot
on April 12, 2008
in General and The Confessional
. 3 Comments

The Stomach Ache

Today marks the day of my official re-entry into “training”… today Katie and I tackled our 6 mile run. We ran some hills, but didn’t push it. We finished in a little over an hour… which translates to 10 minute miles, plus a bit. Not fast, but a completed goal… we are both warming back up to the idea of our “long run” mornings. Next week - we’ll cover 7.

Part of the joy of running, for me, is Continue reading ‘The Stomach Ache’

Published
by
jenny
on April 12, 2008
in 365, Book Review, Family, Mutha' Hood and The Confessional
. 3 Comments

All Ya’ll

7 a.m. Tomorrow morning. The Today Show.

NKOTB is in the plazaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

NKOTB? Hello! New Kids on the Block!

I feel so dumb right now. It’s bad enough that I am sincerely excited. It’s bad enough that I am SO gonna record it. But, I’ve hit a new low. How juvenile? … Blogging about a boy band that’s not a boy band is a man band? There’s no way to make it sound O.K. Continue reading ‘All Ya’ll’

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on April 3, 2008
in 365, General, Guilt, Jenny Jen-Jen and The Confessional
. 6 Comments

Another Meal, Among Other Things

It’s lunchtime. Again.

I don’t want to complain, but I need to whine. I am so tired of making lunch. anddinnerandbreakfastandsnackandlunchanddinnerandbreakfast andsnackandlunchanddinnerandsnack and dishes…. and crumbs…

Crying. There is wailing and gnashing of teeth in my humble filthy home. My home is a mess, but I look terrific! School is out and Miss Queen of All Threeness and Tyranny is sick. My oldest is sick too. The middle child sits whistling until she gets assaulted by her big bro who is not too sick to assault her. Super. I see you are turning green with envy.

Did I mention parent-teacher conferences are today? I had a place for the kids to go until the illnesses reared their feverish heads. NOW, because I WILL NOT reschedule my conference times (yes, back-to-back conferences)… I will drag all the sickness, the rage, the discontent, the very will of…. of…. Hell with me.

Pray for me. Pray for my community.

***meanwhile, the children are now contently muching on a healthy lunch of Cheez-Its… Maternally served by the 5 year-old… All three offspring are happily crunching orange, cheesy bits onto the couch and carpet… Cheez-Its must have some protein in them… yes???***

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Published
by
jennyonthespot
on March 27, 2008
in Fa' Real?, Family, General, Mutha' Hood, Spawn and The Confessional
. 4 Comments