Jenny On the Spot: Caffeinated mom, lover of dancing, glitter and glitter.

Either I need to expose my kids to more things, or I need to continue harboring them from certifiable Awesome. I think I am going try to keep them from society as much as possible because, right now… they think I am THE SHIZZLE! I love this about me them.

For example, I was cutting a tag off a scarf. My Olivia (7) ooozed: Mom. You are SO creative!!!

Me: Why?

Olivia: Because you do things like cut off tags and stuff.

Joel (10): Yeah. You ARE creative, mom.

Me: Oh, and remember, you have also said I am really good at stirring. (my girls are so envious of my stirring skillz)

Olivia: Yeah. You are REALLY good at stirring.

I decided to let the kids have some of their own ego-build-time. I’m a giver. I asked, “How are you guys creative? I mean I know how you are creative, but in what ways do you think YOU are creative?”

Olivia (7): I can knit. You can’t knit. I can teach you!

Joel (10): Video games and technology. I helped my teacher with the computer yesterday. She wanted to put words on a picture… but it didn’t work.

Lucy (4): I am good at Lego building! I can build stairs and houses and people…

Dang it. I hate competition. I figure I won’t teach them how to stir. Then I will at least have something.

Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

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About 7 months ago I showcased my custom-blinged swine flu masks in a video:

I wish I had another video to share. Alas, I do not. I know this is disappointing and I promise I will not make a habit of such things *feels self-important*. I do have a couple of pictures of new masks… one is a re-make of the famous and favorite army men mask that my husband made himself under my critical watchful creative eye(s)… and the other, well just another brilliant maniacal creation of my mind. We wore these on Halloween.

Here’s my husband’s interpretation of the army men mask:

Ain’t no fool swine flu gettin’ all up in theh, yo.

This next one was more genius than I gave myself credit for. In my mind, I envisioned the swine flu virus just being scared by all the sharp points on the following mask:

What I didn’t know, until I started walking along the streets, meetin’ mah public where they at… I didn’t anticipate that no one would want to come near me.

No one.

Within the first two minutes of bein’ out in my public, one woman… eyes opened wide in horror… saw me… backed away and yelped, “OH MY GAH! WHAT ISssss THAT?”

I get that a lot.

For the rest of my trick-or-treating evening I was left physically alone. No hugs. No kisses. No hand shakes… not even a high five. No slobbery babies… If you are a recluse – I suggest ordering one of these masks. There is no need to live on a secluded island anymore. A push-pin swine flu mask is all you need to attain the isolation you crave and deserve.

Conclusion: Based on my scientific research, of all the masks I have ever created – I believe this mask to be the most effective at keeping the germies away. Success!

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So. I have this friend. Darcy. A personal trainer. A personal trainer who happens to be my friend who has been cruel kind enough to show me how to properly and effectively work mah boday. She is into “functional training”, and I’m all, “Heh… she said “function”…

Lemme tell ya, the first time she functionally beat the living crap out of me werked her functional magic… I spent lots of time face to rubber with the butt of a Bosu ball. She is a HUGE fan of the bosu ball, thusandtherefore, I have now sucked face with a great number of Bosu balls. Lucky Bosus. I’m kidding.

*not me* but… been there done that.

Wanna cookie?

I digress….
Continue reading ‘My Butt Hurts, You Don’t Even Know.’

“Jenny??? Jenny On The Spot? What are you talking about?”… your query falls on understanding ears. I will tell you.

A local credit union) was on a quest to find a mommy blogger… a spokesmom, if you will — a V???? Mom! They want to find a woman who will listen (I have ears!)… a woman who will help Verity Credit Union learn from and understand moms better (I am a mom!)… they want this woman to connect people (I am a HUGE fan of people!), and in their Facebook ad, they… they… well, look:

V?????… you had me at “wildly creative”. I mean, have you seen my Swine Flu Mask video? Not only do I share my creative potential, but I also contribute to global wellness as well as global fashion.

Continue reading ‘Jenny Ingram for ?????? ???’

This is loosely titled. I am writing with two glasses of wine pulsing through my veins, and am not feeling….

Whu… Did someone say cookies? No. Maybe I heard, “Warm blanket and sleepy-sleepy.” 

Huh?

Aaaaaanywho. The following video is an exercise in utter self-obsessionismness. Shshjshaj. And such. It’s all about me. My face, my shoes, my coffee, my dancing… over the last year — May to May. May? I dunno, just go with it… These are all (mostly) pics I took of myself or extensions of myself with either my iPhone or computer camera. 

I was inspired. I saw Julia Roy’s year in review video, and I was all, “Hey! I have pictures!” And then I was all, “MEOW! MEOW” Cuz I’m a copy cat. And then I was all, “She’s adorable, and her glasses rock!” And then I was all, “I may be no Julia Roy, but… yeah… I’m no Julia Roy.”

*2 glasses. I should be under a rug*

Then I had to decide on a song to make my pictures dance to. I decided against Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake because I felt that would be too vain. So, after much consideration I decided on Right Said Fred’s I’m Too Sexy. See? That song is SO much less assuming. And now, I present to you, more of Me. I’m going to regret this post in the morning, aren’t I?…

A Year of Self Portraits: Jennyonthespot from Jenny Ingram on Vimeo.

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Are YOU wearing a mask to help lower your risk of contracting the newest ultra-bug… The Swine Flu? Are you?

It’s hard isn’t it. Putting on a mask… Not only are they uncomfortable, but they aren’t very cute either. I have yet to see one eye a mask brings out the color of. It’s true. Ponder that. 

This has REALLY bothered me. But it bothers me no more. I have designed and created – with mine own 2 hands – 10 (yes you heard me)… TEN unique and may I say DESIRABLE Swine Flu mask designs. I decided the best way to share them with you would be via vlog…

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Um… betcha didn’t know I was the head-double for Cousin Itt…

(Photo courtesy of Mark Gsellman)

Continue reading ‘I really do love to dance…’

I did. I made one.

Many of you know my passion for dance. My minions Many A few have noodled me, by daring, “Proof! We need proof!”  You want proof? I give you proof. But it may not prove what you hope to have proven. Let’s see….. how can I say this best? Ahhh… I believe William Tell Hung sums it up best:

I have no professional training. I already gave it my best. I have no regrets at all.

The song I feature in my first ever, world-premiere dance/music video is… ***drum roll***… I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’ by the Scissor Sisters. Currently, this is my favorite song on all the earth – of the all the earth. If you see me driving by in my car… I am listening to this song. If you see me singing to myself… it is this song. As I type, I am fighting back the urge to type the lyrics…

In this video you will find glitter, bubbles, dancing, my lovely-sparkly-red-sequined Converse, and of course… Yours Truly.

P.S. If you can keep yourself from bee-boppin’ when ya hear this song… you are probably not human. Just sayin’.

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Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

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This is yet another post about the search phrases that introduce the unsuspecting to my little spot here on the interwebz. It seems the most popular traffic-driving search phrase was “Julia Roberts“. Yes, my celebrity twin…

In past search keyphrase posts I list a bevy of phrases. I am going to be more picky here. Maybe. We’ll see. I have no set number, I am fueled by emotion, I have to read through over 800 phrases, and I am not skilled in the art of “deciding”. So. I am going to try to leave out the obvious: mail whale tail fail, marathon, triathlon, Jenny, butt, and the like. Rather, I will focus on… *screech* Did somebody just write “focus”. Heh. THAT’S funny.

The following are the ones that really caught my eye. The ones that evoked either an eye-rub, perhaps a mental “stalling”, showed me I am needed, or… no, I will not share the ones that made me gag… I will do my best to answer where appropriate. They came here looking. I am here to help the needy.

cute little leprechauns dancing – Yeah. Because the I am all about leprechauns here. Let the *blinking* begin.

what chocolate does to the body – floods it with purpose?
Continue reading ‘How People Find Me. Poor People.’

Honestly, this is probably my most difficult confession to-date. I hesitate because I worry you won’t love me anymore. I worry your high (shutup) opinion of me will tank and I will be left to waller alone in all my indentity mid-life “I wanna be a professional hip-hop dancer, but I’d be better at giving medical-walker demonstrations at an aged-person’s convention” crisis.

Despite all my fears… I must confess *holds back*… No. I will tell you. I will own it. I cannot be who You need if I cannot be who I AM. I am an adult woman with three children in her mid*ahem*thirties who…

Wait. Let me start from the beginning. I have gone to the local roller rink a couple of times in the last 2 weeks. Both times there were two young gangstas fellas who ROCKED the hardwood. Both times they suggested this song called “Bird Walk” by a fairly popular and accomplished musical artist –> SouljaBoy, *flashes gang sign* and got their moves on, while on roller blades! I. Know. Shizzle to the tenth power of Awesome!!! *sprays glitter toward sky in an act of reverence*.
Continue reading ‘The Confessional – Turn My Swag On (Bird Walk)’