When my son was a little guy he used to call the Mayflower – the Cauliflower.

It could have happened…

Aaaanywho… Happy Thanksgiving my friends! May goodness and laughter be sprinkled throughout your day…

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Happy Thanksgiving!!! is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

I know a number of you have seen this video already. This is one of my very first VLOGS. Like it isn’t totally obvi… it has “Baby Vlogger” written all over it.

But I feel it is imperative to share now… as we enter flu season. I know the video is on the long side, but I encourage you… watch it all the way through.

You have no idea…

Aaaanywho… This is serious. The flue is serious.

SERIOUS, people.

And one can never be too prepared.

My favorite YouTube comment on this video reads:

The wearing of a surgical mask is not recommended at this time, as they do not protect you 100%. Plus, the masks only seem to cause more alarm to other people, as well as panic for smaller children.

I have no idea what this person is talking about…

Another great thing about these masks is they are not only functional – they make a great Halloween costume as well! So if you are stumped on ideas and/or low on time this Halloween… throw together a swine flu mask!

1 surgical mask – .50

8 plastic army guys – stolen from child’s play bin

1 hot glue gun – everybody has those lying around

Swine Flu Mask for Halloween – PRICELESS

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Are you ready for flu season and/or halloween? is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

I find that when I am stressed (now)… making lists can be very helpful.

But you know me (do you know me?)… I work a lil’ bit different that many.

My lists don’t always consist of my to-dos nor my dreams… nor of the people I want to flick on the forehead… Well maybe the latter.

My best lists… the lists that fulfill me most are the lists I make while sitting firmly in the circle of the land called “Free Association”.

This method of list making does not empty my head of the endless tasks that sit on my shoulders… however… this form of list making help empty the voices that fill my head. It also keeps me from gossip.

• I really want to gossip right now
• I do not think highly of gossipness
• I really want to gossip right now….

Madness Creativity comes at a price.

1. My nose piercing. You know how turkeys (the ones we eat on Thanksgiving) come with those little “I’m DONE!” buttons? {pop-up timer} I think my nose stud works a lot like a turkey button. The more exhausted and tired and “done” I am – the more it wants to pop out.
2. I have been referring to my nose piercing as my own little pop-up timer.
3. As I was typing that first sentence, I wasn’t sure how to make the word turkey plural…
4. Praise glory for auto spell check. T-u-r-k-e-y-s… NOT t-u-r-k-i-e-s.
5. Rice cookers are totally rad.
6. Not for turkeys… but for rice. To be clear.
7. I was going to drink 64 oz of water today… I think I am at 16 (it’s almost 6 p.m. and this typing).
8. When people ask me what I do, I never know what to say… “I write about… ME!”
9. I feel so empty.
10. But not empty enough, so I will list on…
11. I am coming up on the last year of being under 40 and to be honest I am not a huge fan of all this “aging” and whathaveyou.
12. My internal energy does not match my external ability.
13. I have never felt more like a frustrated 4 year old. I WANT to do, do do!!! But “NO! No! No!”
14. Sleep… I have never longer for her more.
15. Fame? Fortune?… NO! I want SLEEP!
16. Each time my schedule gets knocked around, I measure it in terms of sleep. “Well, that’s 30 minutes less sleep, that’s 45…”
17. Iiiiiiiiiii’m bored.
18. The voices are bored too.
19. Cool.
20. Time for a picture!

So. I went to see Duran Duran recently. And we had a little tailgate party in the Seattle Lighting Parking lot across from the Everett-whatever-it’s-called-place-where-they-hold-concerts-and-such before the concert. I. Know!

Yes. That is a “glass” of wine in my hand. Actually it is a plastic of wine (thank you Jackie!!!). My new friend Gabe and I decided it’d be super cool to plank on a parking curb.

*hides eyes*

I do not have the core strength for this… this “planking” all the young people are doing. Nor does my friend Gabe. So, I had to crop the picture because Gabe and I look less like we are planking on a curb and a lot more like something no one wants to see.

So unfortunate.

We really are rather cute in our pre-concert excitement.

I disappoint myself. I always imagined I could be a poster-mother for excellent planking.

#notsomuch

Speaking of PLANKING… My son came home and was all, “MOM. CONING. It’s the new planking!” So off to YouTube we went…

Oh, and don’t forget UNICONING. Upon hearing about uniconing Lucy added… “I LOVE UNICORNS!!!”

Here you go: Uniconing.

Ahhh… therapy.

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Free Association Post: It’s like therapy, sans therapist is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

I saw this multi unit package in my bathroom. Heh. I showed the Huz…, “Hey baby. Look. Heh. Heh.  Multi unit. Heh. Package… Heh heh heh heh…”

You can’t tell me this isn’t funny…

Or ya could. But you’d be lying.

This funny.

P.S. Happy Fourth of July.

Enjoy the fireworks.

Heh. “Enjoy the fireworks” reminds me of that one time when I was a newlywed…

Newlywed story here.

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Make Me Laugh Monday: “Unit” and “Package” is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

I mean, like, how many people can upstage a microwave?

I. KNOW.

I betcha didn’t even notice the microwave.

I am THAT good.

Deuces.

P.S. I’m gonna start saying, “Deuces”. To me it means PEACE + BOOM.

For the mathy, let me show this in an equation:

PEACE + BOOM = DEUCES, yo.

P.P.S. You can’t see the bow in my hair (pic to come… when i’m ready, so back off…), but when my friend’s daughter saw my bow she *yiped and wimpered*, “YOUR BOW TOTALLY BEATS MY BOW!!!”. You know what I have to say about that???

*

*

*

*

DEUCES.

and

WIN

P.P.P.S. Yeah. I totally should have gone to bed 2 hours ago.

You?

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I know you're jeal' is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

That title could have been so much better.

But probably not.

This is going to be QUITE the week. Which means it will be quite NOT the week here.

It’s not that I am doing NOTHING – au contraire…

• Over at The Mom Squad I brag about the stellar children’s theatre program we have the privilege to be a part of.
• Over here I tell you about how you can nominate a good cause for a coffee makeover.
• Over here I have been joining in on conversations ranging in content from closet organization to how often do we post on our blogs.
• I have been crafting/drafting/submitting funny parenting-based stories for a little project that is not just yet live… so I can’t link, but the site may or may not be part of something that rhymes with “mickelmodeon”.
• What?
• Let’s see…
• If you read this on Tuesday, during school hours I may be chaperoning a 3rd grade field trip. A bus may or may not be the primary mode of transportation.
• I didn’t know how to spell “au contraire”. For certain. I was right, but I still had to check.
• There is a slough of giveaways coming. Gift cards, jewelry… a plush tech toy… *whee* I just can’t wait to hit “publish” in the coming weeks.
• Also, there was a survey a bunch of you took for me. I have that info to share. Hopefully you have already seen some of the changes. Others are coming. Ish. And feedback to your feedback. As soon as I can put the finishing touches on it. Ya’ll gave A LOT of feedback.
• Have I ever told you how much I love you?
• How beautiful you are?
• You are.
• Stinkin’ beautiful…
• I don’t have a photo today.
• How about a video?
• It’s a cat.
• Not a huge fan of cats.
• But this is cute.
• May you get a little giggle…

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So. is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

Did you catch that? Huh? Did ya? How about this one:

Found this on a friend’s Facebook wall. She’s an English teacher. She’s so sexy.

Eye I am not going to claim I am flawless when it comes two too to appropriately using words that sound the same (but are spelled differently/have different meanings)… But I will go so far as two too to say, if I due do it wrong its it’s an error do due to typing two to too fast as opposed to me knot not knowing they’re there their proper homophone-age.

And may I add… I don’t care how attractive a person is, a chronic homophone-offender actually loses attractiveness.

I think science has proven that. And Facebook. And texting.

Oy.

Hitherhencetofore, I work really hard on proper homophonagessesei. I need all the help eye I can get. Herefollows Jenny On the Spot’s short guidebook for better homophone usage:

Your – possessive… for the other/another person. Your (I am pointing to you) purse. Your blog.

You’re – You are. Instead of writing YOU ARE, one would write YOU’RE. As easy as making pudding, folks. You + apostrophe + are = you’re. Pour + stir = pudding.

Their – Like your, but a group of people. Think of the i as a little person in that word. It’s a word used to talk about a group of people

They’re – They. Are. Again, easy as making pudding for a group.

There – a PLACE. Their (“i”) has to do with people… THERE has no “i” … hither hencetofore – no people… unless you are referring to people being “over THERE”.

To – that’s the one we use most… and we shouldn’t use it at the end of sentences but I am going to.

Too – this guy has an extra O… so think “in addition” or “more”… since it has that extra letter. If one wanted a bowl of pudding also… one would write, “I want one TOO!” One would not write, “I want one to.” Don’t do that. DON’T. Besides, that second sentence is a fragment and I would get angry with you because that sentence makes me feel like you are leading me on and I would be all, “You want one to… WHAT? TO WHAT?! To EAT. To SLAY? To PLAY WITH?” Don’t leave people hanging.

Two – That’s the number. 2. Two. 2. Two. 2. Two. 2. Two. 2. Two. 2. Two. 2. Two. 2. Two. “I would like TWO bowls of pudding, please.” If you want to bowls of pudding, I will scoop pudding in your hair.

See how homophone abuse is unattractive?!!!

Thank you for baring bearing with me hear here.

I hope your you’re knot not to two too upset with me four for going to their they’re there.

*Disclaimer… I taught history back in the ancient days, not grammar. But I could have gone either weigh way… Just know I am not a professional, but I sometimes get all hissy about stuff I am not really qualified to get hissy over… because I Cannes can.

*Update… my friend Anke suggested this video in her comment, and it was so PERFECT I had to come add it and make sure ya’ll see it. Gosh, I have the sexiest friends.

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Homophones: Your Doin' It Wrong is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

We have a dog.

His name is Kevin.

He’ll be 2 in May.

So he’s still a pup.

A 70 pound pup.

When we went to the vet about 2 months ago, he weighed 66.6 lbs.

That’s the Devil’s number, my friends.

I have never smelled the farts of the Devil, but I imagine the farts of Satan himself could not be much worse than the farts of Kevin.

They were so bad yesterday, I told the Twitters, “So. Our dog, Kevin… Did he eat a SKUNK or is he farting death itself?”

Lucy told me later he ate all her lunch.

Yeah. That’s ahahahahawesome.

Fast forward to the evening… minutes before the Huz got home. I was up in my room/office searching for pictures. A bit of a deadline was pressing my attention. So when the kids yelled, “KEVIN THREW UP!!! ON THE CARPET! A LOT!!!”

I said to me, “Well. It’s not like I turn back time. I can’t make him un-vomit on the carpet…I’ll just attach this photo to this email…”

MOM!!! KEVIN THREW UP AGAIN!!!!

Whu? Huh? The heck?

Literally, that was all that went through my head before they yelled,

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!

HE JUST DIARRHEA’D IN THE KITCHEN!!!!!!

I run downstairs to find Olivia (8) crying because she thinks Kevin is going to die. Almost immediately I start gagging because the volume of vomit on my carpet rivals that of an OIL TANKER.

Oh yeah – AND THE SMELL!

I hurried to get Kevin outside. Pulled my sweatshirt over my mouth and grabbed a roll of paper towels. I covered the piles of goopy-death-stench as one would lay a blanket over a corpse.

It was all just so very awful.

The stench was only getting worse, so I had the kids open every door possible – all the while I gagged. I in a manner I never knew possible.

*

*

*

And then Olivia started crying even HARDER…

Because apparently now she thought, what with all of MY gagging, that her mother was now going to die!

Within minutes, the Huz pulled up to the house from work, and the kids all ran out… Olivia in tears, the other two begging their dad,

DON’T GO IN THERE! KEVIN THREW UP ON THE ENTRY, THE CARPET, THE BACK PORCH AAAAAAAND WENT DIARRHEA IN THE KITCHEN!!!!!!!

So. Paul comes in the house. Finds his beloved bride, in full gag. Gag. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG… He immediately starts helping with the mess. And then yelled at me,

I CAN’T DO THIS WITH ALL THAT GAGGING. YOU NEED TO LEAVE.

So I went back to my room and finished sending my email…

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Of Course He Did… is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

Discuss.

And also…

Totally unrelated…

While using the facilities at a local place of business… I spied a very creative solution:

Safety first!!! Andalsoducttape.

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Baked Cookies or No-Bake Cookies? is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

The huz made sure these babies were under the Christmas tree. Yes, he is a GOOOOOOOD man.

I could not wait to wear them. Out. I wore them several hours on Christmas day… in my kitchen. But these boots were made for walkin’, not cookin’!

I had a little errand to run a couple days after Christmas… Something having to do with my 5 and 8 year old daughters cracking the ever-loving life out of the touch screen of my iPrecious. I will warn you, the following picture is disturbing. View ONLY if you have a strong stomach (NSFW!):

I gag a little every time.

I have a non-cracked phone now, and I am thinking of renaming her… iDarlin’.

But I digress.

The boots.

As I left the mall after a successful broken phone resolution (the local Apple store replaced it for FREE, and I wasn’t even showing cleavage!!!). Now I am beholden to them forever and will forever be faithful.

As I left the mall… and made quite a walk back to my car… in my new boots… a minivan slowed.

No.

It stopped. The driver cared not about the many cars now stopped behind her.

She cared only about my boots. She rolled down her window and emoted,

GUUUUUUURRRRRL!!! Them are some CRACK A** BOOTS. D*MN. CRACK. A**!

I was all, “Ummm… thank you! Thank you?”

On the way home, I wondered if it was actually a compliment afterall.

So I went to Dr. Google which, of course lead me to the urban dictionary.

My findings disturbed me.

So… did I look like a crack head? Did she maybe think I was a prostitute who worked the mall parking lot on Mondays around noon. Maaaaaaaybe what I thought was a “hot boot swagga” looked more like a gimp that caused crackal sweating???

OR was I simply pwning my Prospectress boots and she had to tell a girl.

It’s impossible to know.

Her physical reaction seemed to say, “Awesome boots, sista!” But the Urban Dictionary would assert that perhaps my boots didn’t work properly, or my boots had a dirty crack?

I choose to believe my new boot swagga was on-mark. I choose to believe that woman was smitten with my boots. Aaaaaaand quite possibly me.

Yeah.

Dear mercy… there’s nothing quite like a day trip to the Tacoma Mall in one’s crack a** boots.

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What To Wear Wednesday: The New Boots and Their High Acclaim is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...