Jenny On the Spot: Caffeinated mom, lover of dancing, glitter and glitter.

*This piece was originally written for another site. However, despite my savvy, wit, charm and wicked-awesome… they chose a different path. Had they checked with Google, they might have seen my shizzle-esque SEO skillz… Who knows why a social media “push” would turn away a force such as myself? I have my theories, but in an effort to not burn bridges, I hold my tongue on theory and name and instead publish the post here… and keep my traffic here. It is HERE I can keep you safe, warm, glittery and caffeinated. In an “online” sort-of way…

I have learned so many valuable things from my children.

It would be impossible to share all of the things I have learned in my motherhood journey, so I will limit myself.

Besides, I went to the BlogHer Conference in Chicago this year, and at one of the SEO sessions I heard top ten lists are HOT. Therefore, in an effort to stay on the cutting edge… my Top Tizzle-ten. Oh, and this is not in any importance of order. I am not planner-y like that…

1. Stop and smell the dandelions. And blow on them. Then stop and look at the shape of bark. Then follow the ant and see if your spit will fall on it’s back. Slow down and observe. Oh the wonder we discover when we take the time to just look… and also spit on the backs of unassuming bugs.
2. It is not the end of the world if we are late to the doctor/tumbling class/school (see #1). Yes, it is important to teach responsibility and the value of being on time. BUT, it really isn’t the end of the world (see #1).
3. Matching shoes are not a necessity. Really. For an adult, it is more important, but for the 10 and under set… it can be a good day if we get out of the house with one left-foot and one right-footed shoe.
4. Laugh. A lot. And Easily.
5. Accessorize. A little color or a little sparkle can perk up the darkest day, for oneself and even others (particularly one’s little princesses). I add sparkle daily. Also, when you eat lunch with your daughter’s 1st grade class, you will get LOTS of compliments. Beggars can’t be choosers, people. Beggars can’t be choosers…
6. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches CAN be eaten everyday. No one will get scurvy. I speak from experience.
7. Play the music loud and dance… in the living room, in the kitchen, on the front porch…
8. Silence is not golden. It is the sound of danger and probably the sound of marker and paint (or worse!) being applied to select pieces of furniture or carpet  or bodies during naptime.
9. The Tooth Fairy is a flake.                                         
10. The best behavior modification method… *drumroll*… TIME. Time spent snuggling, time spent listening, time spent playing WITH our kids is the best way to help change… not only the child, but the parent.

******

Ummmm… I just made a Jenny on the Spot Fan Page on Facebook. Madonna prolly has a bunch of fans make fan pages, but I make my own. Don’t judge me. Or do. That’s cool. This is just how it goes in the life of a sad little woman… desperate for love… attention… affirmation… attention… a fan base… And hungry for international fame. Renown. A walk on the red carpet.  I don’t think paparazzi are bad, I think they’re cute. *places crown on head, dances in front of mirror*

I’m kidding.

I’m not kidding.

*clearing throat*

Any advice on Facebook Fan Pages as opposed to using the Networked Blogs app? I don’t like how Networked Blogs posts to my wall with feeds AND notes. I like how a fan page will let conversations happen… But I know I can turn off the feed altogether on NB, but, but, but??? Any social media genius reading this? Mentor me, mentor me…

And when it all boils down… I just want to be in your head… spraying glitter and whatnot.

This sleep deprivation is gonna land me in an institution someday. I just know it.

My amends.

**********

Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

Get Jenny On The Spot by RSS

Get Jenny On the Spot by Email

You can also follow me on Twitter!

Why? Because she was a source of joy for me yesterday, and who am I to hold back joy?

I have been wading through piles of bills. Some of which will get paid “on time”… a select few will not get paid “on time”. This makes me not only feel scared uncomfortable, but also cranky. There are times my children add to my cross *brows furrowed” state of mind, but there are times I see that God gave me my kids to restore even just a smidge of my joy.

Like yesterday.

My sweet four year old little tyrant. Manipulator extraordinaire… THE Adorable of all that is adorable… Master of twists… Inventor of chaos… Our “surprise” that peppers our lives with goodness and messes…

As I tended to the list of things that need tending… Lucy tagged along. Subject to my ultimate timing and my decisions on what we were going to do.

Take, for example, lunch… I had busied myself with an ugly pile of bills, and could not pull away until my children’s stomachs had begun screaming for sustenance. I headed down to the kitchen to begin the arduous task of  making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Lucy rounded a corner of the kitchen and broke into song,

MOOOOOOOMellujiah!!! MOOOOOOOOOMellujiah!!!

Oh mercy. If it wasn’t so cute, I’d have felt bad for my daughter who was so hungry she saw fit to sing praises for hope was at hand!

Later that day I made cookies. MONSTER cookies to be precise… Big cookies with raisins chocolate chips, M&M’s, peanut butter and lots of oatmeal to offset the sugar and butter… As I pulled a hot tray of Monster Cookies from the oven Lucy giggled,

OOH! MONSSSSER COOOOOKIES! I afraid of MONSSSERS, Mama!

And then she giggle, giggle, giggled her way to nearly burning her little fingers on that hot cookie pan… cuz she was so “afraid”.

And finally — Halloween. Lucy is too sweet for the heart of Halloween. Scary stuff sends her skinny limbs a-shiverin’. We hit Target yesterday and milled about the Halloween stuff. There were some masks that were, well, just plain awful. Joel (big bro) told her not to look. I looked down and her little arms were quivering, her lips stuck in a look that not even a camera could capture… I put my hands on her shoulders and helped her turn away… then she saw it. IT… The CHRISTMAS STUFF!

Before I could shift my weight she was off… squealing,

OHBOYMAMA!!!!! WOOK! WOOK! WOOOOOOK! It’s happy Christmas stuff, Mama! HAPPY Christmas stuff!!! I WUV Christmas!!!”

And that is the heart of my girl. How do I deserve such goodness in my life?

*****

*Don’t forget there is still time to nominate a teacher of YOUR choice for an Office Max $100 gift card! Just go to this post and leave a comment! It’s odd, but I have not received any comments to qualify for the prize – PEOPLE – it’s money for a teacher! The contest ends October 4th! C’mon!

*Also! Head over to the Febreeze NOTICEables review on my review site, you can enter yourself for a chance to win a $100 gift card and a Febreeze gift basket!

**********

Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

Get Jenny On The Spot by RSS

Get Jenny On the Spot by Email

You can also follow me on Twitter!

For each of my children’s birthdays I write them a letter here… to read “someday”…. Sometimes I am a bit behind and I am NEVER early. My oldest and youngest got theirs “on time” this year, but not my middle daughter.

Oh my poor middle child. Her birthday was in May. My calendar tells me we are closing in on October. However, I will not let this fact dissuade me. I will write this letter almost 5 months late, but she will have her letter.

My dearest Olivia…

Where do I start? Your laugh? Your fire? Your heart? Your wicked-awesome sense of humor? Your talent?

It’s hard to separate all these things from you. You are a delightful combination of zest, humor, magnetism, love, creativity and beauty. You are all girl, but pride yourself in being a tomboy. There was a time when all you would wear were dresses and pink. Nowadays you toss the skirts aside for pants or shorts, “I can’t play as hard in a skirt, Mom!”

However, you love to do your hair, beg to wear make-up and I quietly watch you when you primp…

It has been a hard year keeping your ear piercings clean, but you have been brave. You want your hair to get longer and longer, and you do the work to have the privilege of long hair. Tangles! Ouch! I see something in your eyes when you get an idea, and you can create from nothing… a masterpiece… even from a hole punch, safety pins and index cards.

I see in you a perseverance. A determination. A fearlessness. All of these traits have potential for great good or great mischief. I see mostly great good from these things in you… but I have also seen the mischief *wink*

Friendships. You have cultivated many. It seems your friends see in you the greatness I have. You are a Renaissance woman already… not secured to one best friend, but definitely have deep heart connections with a few. While this is mostly good, there are times where it is hard. I remember the struggle as a young girl too – being in the middle or friendships. I have seen your tears as you have struggled to please multiple friends whose only common bond was you. You’re only 7 and you are learning big lessons in relationship. While you have not been able to navigate perfectly, I am in awe of your sensitive heart and the love you show to others. Keep loving, my daughter… keep loving.

Something I have seen change and grow in you is your sensitivity. SO many more emotional tears these last several months. I have been surprised. For a long time I always thought you had more of a stoic persona… not giving too many folks too much power over your emotion. However… you have shifted. I feel a deepening bond between even us as you dig deeper into this new girl you are becoming.

I love you, Oliva. I admire your fire. Countless people have commented on your laugh… how contagious it is. You truly have a unique, magnetic laugh. I believe your laugh it is the fruit of your good heart. I believe God has created something in you that is meant to bless others… with joy… a distraction from the darkness that seems so prevalent…

There is truly something special about you. Yes, your laugh… but I think it is comparable to frosting on a cupcake. It is what draws others to you, but there is so much more.

Olivia… my prayer today is for that sweet heart of yours. For continued innocence, for life-long softness… for that special sort of joy God has planted in your heart to continually freely flow. I pray the limits of this world do not limit your creative process… I pray you continue to create and dream and grow by boundless measure. I pray your confidence is never stifled, but that arrogance never grips you. And as always, I pray that as you make choices, that you will continually choose Jesus.

And I want you to know this about Jesus… I am a sinful woman. I make bad choices, even now. But remember that while the world wants to insist that the God your daddy and I are trying to teach you about is full of fury and wrath and judgement and condemnation… the God we love is FIRST a God of grace. Of forgiveness…  And that is why we chose “Grace” to be your middle name. There is far too little of it in this world… Olivia Grace… peace, grace… You, my daughter have a namesake and I am so proud to be the woman who you call “Mom”. I am blessed that YOU are my daughter.

Love you girl,

Mom

1. I would like to start this post with a resounding WAH! *pout* The Type-A Mom Conference is this weekend and I’ll give you one guess as to at least one girl that won’t be there…. Ya give? It’s me. Iwillnnotbeattheconferencewaaaaah! I have never been a huge fan of missing out. *stomps off in a huff*
2. I actually feel kind of sorry for Asheville, North Carolina. Just think of all the glitter it will be missing out on… {sigh} But it’s not your fault, North Carolina in the Fall… I blame The Economy. Big bully.
3. I was going to put up a picture of my Pyrex pan that pretty much exploded in my oven, but the pork tenderloin had an inappropriate shape. I decided I wouldn’t make you have to discern whether the meat in that pan was in fact a tenderloin of pork. I make these hard choices because I want to protect your innocence. But if you want me to email you the pic, tell me in your comment. I’ll TOTALLY email you the pic.
4. I wrote a little something about the importance of sleep on Type-A Mom. Ya know, cuz I practice what I preach and whathaveyou.
5. A new school year has begun, and I went ahead and gushed about my kids over at Mom on the Spot. You should click over… If only to crank up my numbers over there, because in the last wholetimeIhavebeenwrtingthere few weeks I have only contributed to .5% of their traffic. That is not famous enough for me.
6. You know I am kidding about the “famous” part of #5, right?
7. I’m kidding about #6 too.
8. I am feeling mildy manic.
9. And also digressive.
10. And don’t expect you click on everything I am linking to. I WANT you to, but I know my lowly place on this here interwebz…
11. This is what my friend and I call Muffin Top Burn Fail. BTW, this is not Me.
12. I could totally post an embarrassing picture of myself right now. ButIwon’t. *sticks out tongue*
13. I updated my “About” page. The old page was making me *yawn*.
14. By the way… YouTube has a lot of creepy viewers… who make creepy comments *delete* Mostly about my braces and my Converse *rocks in a corner*
15. My kids don’t take me seriously when I threaten to rip off their arms and beat them with their own limbs. Am I THAT bad a liar? They laugh at me. Punks.
16. I’m kidding about the “punks” thing above
17. I’m kidding about #16…
18. Twitter has changed the way I do business my friend and I text. #like #weliketotally #hashtag #everything #andifyouarenotonthetwitter #thiswillnot #makeonelickofsensetoyou #truethat
19. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to discriminate agains the unTwittered. #myamends
20. It is 5:53 p.m. and I still don’t know how to answer the question, “What’s for dinner?”
21. If only I could make a blog for dinner…
22. Finally… Office Max and Adopt-A-Classroom have come together to bring you the A Day Made Better Campaign. I have joined 29 other Max Moms to help spread the word! In my original post, in order to nominate a teacher, one had to either create a blog post or create a Whrrl story… but NOW… alls you need to do is write a comment – click here. But, please see the fine print for other detail… Another way to make a difference is to donate directly to A Day Made Better:

**********

Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

Get Jenny On The Spot by RSS

Get Jenny On the Spot by Email

You can also follow me on Twitter!

“What a retard.”

“That was retarded.”

When you read those statements, what did you feel? I wrote them with no context, but did you feel anything?

Did it bother you at all?

It bothers me.

When I hear people use “retarded” flippantly (as opposed to using it in it’s proper context), I feel my insides coil back. I almost feel like putting up a defensive hand move. Maybe plug my ears or wince? Last week I was speaking with an acquaintance who threw out that second phrase, and I felt like I was in high school. I broke a bit of a sweat. I wanted to tell that person not to say that, but I didn’t want to look dumb. I don’t tell other adults not to curse in front of me. But this was different.

It is far worse than cursing.

And I never said anything. I let it pass.

My internal “jerk” has only grown in recent weeks since having the opportunity to listen to Tanis Miller of Attack of the Redneck Mommy read the post that she wrote about this very issue at the BlogHer ‘09 Community Keynote. She is the mother of a child with disabilities… She has also lost a child who was disabled. Unlike me, she does not let those interactions “pass”.

I am thankful someone captured her reading. I was deeply moved, and impassioned. I want to share that video with you. It gives perspective… is heart-breaking… and enlightening. There is nothing like the heart of a mother as she “goes to the mat” for her child. The video follows, but you can lay your eyes on each word of her post here.

Sticks and stones

May break my bones

But names will never hurt me.

Not true.

**********

Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

Get Jenny On The Spot by RSS

Get Jenny On the Spot by Email

You can also follow me on Twitter!

“Jenny??? Jenny On The Spot? What are you talking about?”… your query falls on understanding ears. I will tell you.

A local credit union) was on a quest to find a mommy blogger… a spokesmom, if you will — a V???? Mom! They want to find a woman who will listen (I have ears!)… a woman who will help Verity Credit Union learn from and understand moms better (I am a mom!)… they want this woman to connect people (I am a HUGE fan of people!), and in their Facebook ad, they… they… well, look:

V?????… you had me at “wildly creative”. I mean, have you seen my Swine Flu Mask video? Not only do I share my creative potential, but I also contribute to global wellness as well as global fashion.

Continue reading ‘Jenny Ingram for ?????? ???’

I woke up one morning.

I got out of bed.

I heard my Mama…

And what did she say?

She said,

“What do want,

On your breakfast bread?”

I said,

“JAM ON IT!”

Heh. ‘Member that rap? Ah…. childhood. I’ve always been a wrapper at heart. Even as a blue eyed white girl… whose first experience with racism was against her (me). The boy I liked in 4th grade (3rd?) was Hispanic, and I was not (but my heart… if he only knew the Juanita Veronica Maria Carmen Montoya de la Cruz that lived inside). When he found out I had a crush on him he told me, “I don’t like girls that are white. I only like brown girls.”

Continue reading ‘Make Me Laugh Monday – My Children, My Madness, My Joy… and Also My Digressionses’

This weekend sucked. I was going to “fluff” up the “sucked” part and be all, “This weekend was Stinky Stinkerson.” But if I wrote that, the the “totally honest” part of my title would not have been “totally honest”.

It was not a weekend of illness. Nor a weekend of tragedy. Nor a weekend of poverty, nor oppression, nor starvation, nor anything worthy of garnering an uprising of pity, concern or having a group of friends rally and bring my family meals for 2 weeks (though I would never turn that away, rain OR shine)…

It just sucked. The “Mom!!!” part of this weekend, sucked.
Continue reading ‘Can I Be Totally Honest?’

This is what my kids yell after they fart. For if they are caught farting and do not shout “safety” the hearer/smeller of the fart yells “doorknob” and the fater must go touch a doorknob.

This is commonplace in our home.

Doesn’t matter if no one heard the fart. You’ll know it within moments. Like today… we were at the park. The youngest started to make her way to the playset. She was WAY out of fart-hearing distance. She looked over at me. I thought she thought I thought she walked too far from me, and was looking at me to see if I’d call her back.

Nope.

She looked at me… head cocked, with a bit of a smirk…

Half-yelled, but never missed a step… “SAFETY!”

Good thing she said that, cuz it’s hard to find a doorknob at the park. Had I hear that fart… I TOTALLY would have made her find a doorknob. No mercy.

**********

Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

Get Jenny On The Spot by RSS

Get Jenny On the Spot by Email

You can also follow me on Twitter!

Edited: Go here! Go Here! It’s CHEERUPNATION!!! Want joy? Need joy? It’s all ovah the place at CHEERUPNATION! Also, a very special picture is up there today… I would say it is the fullness of my heart… Take a moment to click over. I promise, your face will not be able to resist a smile… nor your heart…

****Now back to regularly scheduled blogging****

My son is 10. I am 36. I knew “Barracuda” before he did. Heart did it first. Not Fergie… If it wasn’t for Shrek the 3rd…

I must admit, Fergie rocks Barracuda.

But Heart did it first.

Here’s what went down in the minivan this morning:

Me (cranking up the radio): Joel! JOel! JOEL!!! Rock! Rock? Dude!!! What song is THIS?! Huh? HUH???!!!

Joel: What mom?

Me: What song is thIIIIISSSS???!!!

Joel: Could your turn the radio down, mom?

Me to myself: Kids. *pfft*

Me (turning down the music): What song is this… ehhhh???

Joel: Uhhhh… Barracuda? But it’s…

Me: That’s right. It’s BARRACUDA. The ORIGINAL. That other one you like… pretty awesome, but it’s not the ORIGINAL. This is the ORIGINAL.

Joel: You mean it’s OLD. {giggle giggle giggle} *antagonistic eye contact with the woman who gave him life through rearview mirror*

Me: You. Turkey!

Then I looked in the rearview mirror to give him the stink-eye but plucked a gray hair from my right eyebrow instead.

*****

If you pop on over to my reader blog at The Kitsap Sun, Mom on the Spot, you can read about some fun we have been having with Pringles!

Also, I am looking for Mom Fail submissions. Click here for more info! Hope to hear from you!

**********

Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

Get Jenny On The Spot by RSS

Get Jenny On the Spot by Email

You can also follow me on Twitter!