Jenny On the Spot: Caffeinated mom, lover of dancing, glitter and glitter.

But first, a picture:

Ha. Did I just scare you?

heh.

Look what I made yesterday:

It has been a crazy-busy last 5 days… oh the last 2 weeks have nearly broken this woman. But due to faith and good friends (both online and IRL) I have had lots of shoulders to cry on, have been given wonderful encouragement, and been given great grace.

You may or may not know I have a couple of other places I contribute (using that word loosely…), and after a 2.5 hour late night/early morning brain purge I posted some new content! Yay!

• At Type-A Mom you will get a well thought-out Top Ten List on How NOT to Relax. Yeah.
• At my Kitsap Sun reader blog (Mom On The Spot) I shared about our wonderful experience with the Kitsap Human Society when we adopted our puppy in June.
• And finally, last year I posted about a great idea my friend had for back to school families – helping your children pack their own lunches, thus helping you help YOU during those potentially crazy off-to-school mornings.

School starts here in a few days. I know many of you have have already begun… Presently, I am in a pretty big fight with my hand-crank pencil sharpener. I have sharpened 16 of 72 #2 pencils. Pray for me. Pray either that I win the battle, or that the teachers don’t hold it against my 2 children that only 8 of their pencils are sharpened. I think I’m gonna call this a “school supply prep fail”. The whole ordeal has already driven my mouth to 4 Oreos. I don’t think my jeans could bear the consequences of 56 more hand-cranked, sharpened pencils. The word “war” comes to mind. We all know that war is ugly.

This weekend sucked. I was going to “fluff” up the “sucked” part and be all, “This weekend was Stinky Stinkerson.” But if I wrote that, the the “totally honest” part of my title would not have been “totally honest”.

It was not a weekend of illness. Nor a weekend of tragedy. Nor a weekend of poverty, nor oppression, nor starvation, nor anything worthy of garnering an uprising of pity, concern or having a group of friends rally and bring my family meals for 2 weeks (though I would never turn that away, rain OR shine)…

It just sucked. The “Mom!!!” part of this weekend, sucked.
Continue reading ‘Can I Be Totally Honest?’

My feet are a WRECK. Over the past 3 years I have stacked running and triathlon events in such a way that my feet have not have the opportunity to return to the intended state they were given to me. You know, 10 intact, cute-ish toes… all with nails. Not model feet, but I considered the nail shape and thickness all to be in normal-to-acceptable range. And give those babies a pedi by a pro… only better.

But now it is all about smoke and mirrors my friends.

I now have 6 normal toe nails. 1 ultra thick one, if I am not careful, I am afraid it might get taller than me. I am not posting a picture. Even I have boundaries. The other thick nail… a professioanl was able to wrangle her to a place of submission. Poor guy. Yes, I had a pedi by a man. It was uncomfortable, but it had to be done. I had a public to protect. I swear, left unchecked… my toes could hurt an innocent by-stander, or at least make them vomit in their mouth a little. I want my public to be a happy public, so… I will endure a pedi by a man… if that is what it takes. *folds arms*

I also have 2 toes (the center ones) with NO NAIL. Did you know you can paint the spot where a nail should be? No one can tell. Smoke and mirrors my friends, smoke and mirrors…

The 2 nails that have complete gone AWOL are a direct result of my marathon in early May. They were fine the morning before, and made big, throbbing protests the days following. One fell off weeks ago. The other fell off yesterday.

Being the sub-standard mom that I am… Our Tooth Fairy (this will make sense, I promise) has a reputation for not showing up in a timely manner. This was a letter my daughter left for our TF one time:

Aaaanywho. So. I lost my toenail yesterday. My daughter Olivia (who had lost a tooth the day before… made a note for our fair Tooth Fairy AND left her tooth just outside her bedroom door instead of under her pillow… she is a go-getter, I tell ya. Thank heaven the TF woke up at 3:30 in the a.m. and remembered to scrounge the kids’ therapy fund and paid the kid for her tooth… which, by the way… she RIPPED out cuz that girl is made out of pure Awesome and Tough Schtuff!)

Where was I?

Oh. My toenail. My daughter was there when I finally showed Ms. Nail who was boss. Olivia said, “Oh! Mom!!! You should put that under your pillow!”

“But Olivia, do you think the Nail Fairy will come?”

Olivia was certain, “Oh yeah. You better not put it under your pillow… put it at your door.”

My poor girl. *plops 2 quarters back in the Therapy Fund*

*****

In keeping with the “No, maybe that was more wrong than funny” theme… Here’s a little conversation one might have overheard at our dinner table not too long ago.

Boy kid (eldest): I don’t want to sit {here}. Why can’t I sit right {there}?
Continue reading ‘At first I thought this was funny, but maybe it’s just wrong.’

A little explanation may be in order, cuz… SHLL (S H double hockey sticks) is not a word. My hubs and I came up with an alternate way of cursing. You know when people want to use “hell” as an expletive, but not actually be all expletive-y… they may say, “H E doublehockeysticks!”

Well, my hubs and I have taken it to the next level. Now, to be clear… I am not saying I DO curse nor am I saying I do NOT. I am just saying I feel that for me… I really shouldn’t *ahem*. As much as we try to keep it clean, sometimes there is nothing quite like a well-placed expletive. OR sometimes, there is no better way to describe an event or circumstance or happening than to use a word that is not allowed on daytime television.

So, Paul and I came up with the concept of dropping the last letters of a “bad word” and adding “doublehockeysticks” to the end. You can experiment on your own. I don’t want to be the one to have lead to your fauxfanity corruption.

*whistling*

I mean just the phrase “double hockey sticks” can be the new not-bad bad word! It can TOTALLY stand alone. Just think, you cut your finger off whilst chopping carrots or rutabaga (or CAKE!) and exclaim, “DOUBLEHOCKEYSTICKS!”

Aaaanywho… last night was one of those “happenings”.
Continue reading ‘The Confessional – In Which I Nearly Lose My S H Double Hockey Sticks’

See? In the first pic — Barbie. The gal in the pic on the right? ME. I did the red first, girlfriend. Step back.

And THEN… *psh*… As. If. *huff* Lil Polly Pocket thinks she can steal my sunshine.WEML.

Eh. Like…. SRSLY??? Polly, did you just call me fat? Well, YOU have an usually large head. And you’re sealed in plastic. *sticks out tongue*

*****

New at Mom Fail: My Future Tattoo Ar-teest

New at Type-A Mom: Summer Brings a Mix of Fear and Excitement

New at Mom on the Spot: Wrapping-up the School Year

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Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

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I repeat: Whu??? A father who NEVER loses his temper??? Is he made of stone? I want to meet him to see if I were to reach-out and poke him — if my finger would pass through his mid-section. 

Golly, friends. This is a hard one for me. The video I am posting is of a parent who… a father who… 

I… “blinking*

He claims he never loses his temper as a parent. He says he has never given his son a time out. He is really BIG on dialogue. *more blinking* I don’t want to criticize someone I do not know, but this is probably one of the most infuriating and defeating clips I have seen on parenting in a long time. 

If this is real, it is the exception and not the rule, and I bet even toddler Jesus gave Mary some grief.
Continue reading ‘Whu? A Dad Who Never Loses His Temper.’

That latest “rage” over there on the Facebook is this meme where one asks one’s child(ren) a list of questions about oneself. The directions say to write their EXACT answers. Can I just ask, “Why do I put myself in these situations?” SOme kids talk about all the fabulous cookie-making their moms do with them, or the reading, or snuggling. Not my kids. Nope. They tell on me. I suppose it’s my fault. Kids are pretty honest.

Aaaanywho… like the FB friend I am… I did complete the meme. I asked my spawn children 19 very important questions about me. Their answers are listed in order of their age: Joel (9); Olivia (6) & Lucy (4). And I list them here, because — ultimately, their answers made me laugh. I love how well they know me… I love hearing what their opinions are… And I love seeing how each sees me a little differently, depending on their need.

Lucy, Joel, Olivia

1. What is something I always say to you?

J: Get ready for school.

O: That’s mean or nice??? Um… The only thing I can think of is “No.”

L: No peeing in your undies

Continue reading ‘Make Me Laugh Monday – My Children Answer’

Once a week I post an article in the  ”Mom Topics: Just for Moms” section at Type-A Mom. I should post there more often, but I haven’t been able to pull that together just yet… I try to write more meaningful stuff stuff there (stop laughing), but something happened this week that pointed my inner-writer in a different direction it’s usual direction. 

My 3 year-old, Lucy… cut her own hair. Apparently there was play-dough stuck in her hair and she decided to be her own little problem solver. Yay! I am raising a problem solver! *falls on the couch*

Continue reading ‘10 Things I Think Moms Should Know’

TwitterMoms in partnership with Care.com is having a contest. The charge: 

What’s the rudest comment from a stranger you have ever gotten about your parenting style? 

Not. A. Problem. The hard part is — which story should I choose? Is it bad I have too many options? Here goes:

My daughter Lucy was 2, she had (OK, she still does) a love/hate relationship with water. She has been known to ooze, “I love you Wawa!” as we  drive onto the ferry. Yet she screams like a tortured victim from some “B” horror flick when her face gets wet while bathing. So, of course I am going to sign her up for swim lessons! I love to put myself in awkward situations, so it was a no-brainer!

Heh. No brain. How perfect.
Continue reading ‘Mom Fail – the reprise of a past post for a TwitterMoms Contest’