Ladies and gentlemen…

I have no words.

You just can’t make this stuff up.

And also, I need to hang out at the Goodwill more often.

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!

You can also rock your buns and thighs with the bun and thigh ROCKER by Body by Jake, people.

People.

A little story behind these pics… My family and I went to Goodwill to solve our costume-less dilemma for Halloween. As we were walking from the parking lot to the store, we saw my friend Sara and her shiny family.

An aside: the word FRIEND is just one letter off from the word FIEND. And also FRIED. Trivia.

So.

Sara was all, “I WAS JUST GOING TO TEXT YOU A PICTURE! I WAS TOTALLY JUST GOING TO TEXT YOU A PICTURE! COME HERE.”

I love my friends.

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The Bun and Thigh Doer: You can’t make this stuff up. is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

Yep.

SUCCESS!

Totally basking in all kinds of glory over here. *eyes cross*

This totally confirms why I am such a fan of setting a very low bar… I have never been good at high jumping. And also paying off debt.

I could explain why this alert from Mint is not ver accurate, but yadda, yadda *snore*.

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Be sure to swing by tomorrow! This little Spot is running on autopilot while I am off playing with my family (but I’m checking comments – your comments are sparkles for my heart – I’m reading!!!)…

In the mean time, I have 3 WONDERFUL friends (VIPeeps!) who will be filling in during my away-ness this week! Each woman offers something unique and something wonderful to share. OH THEY ARE EACH DELIGHTFUL and have ideas and words I think you will totes dig. I am blessed to have such diverse friends and am so GIDDY they are able to share with us here! If your curiosity just can wait, here is who’s coming by this week:

Michele of Falafel and the Bee

Denise of The Cottage Chick

Lucrecer of Art Slam

Yay friendship!

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I am at Universal Resort Orlando. There’s a chance for you to win passes to there too. Go here to find out how to get that done!

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Make Me Laugh Monday: Meeting Goals and VIPeeps! is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

I know. Mother’s Day was yesterday. But just because the day is through, that doesn’t mean I am through.

Not. At. All.

Lucy gave me the card she made at school and it was SO cute I HAD to share it. In the spirit of full disclosure: she wrote very nice things and I want everyone to know how pretty she thinks I am on Easter. Also, the picture is me… walking Kevin. Which is weird. On account of the fact I never walk Kevin. But, this is Lucy.

And I gotta give props to all the kindergarten teachers out there. I didn’t know they had to learn Hieroglyphics! I thought Spanish II was hard! Lucy’s teacher got all those answers from this:

Bless their kindergarten-teaching hearts…

Odd. Lucy TOTALLY knows how to spell her own name. I think she was being a stinker. Or maybe… wait. I am not so sure this is Lucy’s… Or maybe if I was a more attentive mother, I’d know. Speaking of being attentive…

My Olivia. She gave me a coupon. It read:

“A coupon to leave you alone.”

I yelled waited for my Mom of the Year trophy, but I think moms who get coupons from their children that says they will leave them alone… those moms get other kinds of awards. *cough*

But regardless of my mothering. I was encouraged. By Mr. T. My friend Kim shared a video with me, and it helped me realize that it matters not if I only look good on the Easters, or if my children know they need to leave me alone… I should always be treated right. Moms, we should be treated right… Mr. T says…

M is for the moan, and the miserable groan from the pain that She felt when I was born…
O is for the oven with it’s burnin’ heat where She stood makin’ sure I had something to eat…
T is for the time that She stayed up at night and took my temperature when I wasn’t feelin’ right…
H is for the hard earned money She spent to keep clothes on my back and try to pay da’ rent…
E is every wrinkle I put on Her face and every worry that I caused when I stayed out late…
The last letter R is that She taught me Respect and for the room up in Heaven that I know She’ll get…

She’s a Queen… Second to none… Take care of Mother… You only get one…

Werd.

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I need you input TODAY! The fam and I are heading to Universal Orlando Resort and trying to plan – but I want YOU to help! Go here to voice your opinion!

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Make Me Laugh Monday: Word. To your muthah. is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

I have long-wanted to be considered an “influencer”… In the world of blogging and social media, the word “influencer” is thrown around quite a bit. When someone calls someone an “influencer” I get all life-listy, and think, “Oooh. I should put ‘become and INFLUENCER’ on my list!”

Well, one could say, had I a life list, I could mark it off my list.

Do any of y’all remember that one story about Kevin. That one story about that one time he … oh… THIS STORY? If you go read that story, it will give vital context to the Facebook post from my friend… my poor, poor friend Sara…

See??? She said I am INFLUENTIAL! Hitherhencetofore — AN INFLUENCER!!!

Well. Oh.

Um.

Hmmm…

Maybe I should re-think this whole “influencer” thing. Maybe being the reason (well, her dog does get SOME credit… and I don’t throw around credit to others liberally!) your friend ends up barfing is not necessarily… … … AAAAAaaanywho…

Happy Monday. I hope I don’t make you barf today. I also hope your dog doesn’t vomit on your floor, or anywhere else a dog might vomit.

And if your dog DOES vomit… yeah… good luck with that.

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For to WIN! All links lead to my review site. I promise…

• A beautiful necklace just for mom – you must visit my review site to enter!
• Freschetta storage container and complimentary coupon – this link right here, yo.
• Win a Woogie. Go to here to find out how…
• Last day to enter for a chance to win a copy of Super Blake and the Cavity Monster.

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Make Me Laugh Monday: Influencer is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

So, I had this *thing* I was preparing for. And me… wanting to be one who is prepared… I had to hit the Google and Flickr searches for images.

I searched for things like, “hot basketball cheerleaders” and “hot firemen” and also “stripper pole”.

Let me tell ya people, I have one understanding husband, AND perhaps a few therapy sessions are in order… because let’s face it — just like one cannot un-send an email nor un-ring a bell… neither can one UN-SEE internet image results. And since I am a giver, and also I hear therapy is always better in groups, I thought I’d share a few of my hot finds with you…

[image credit]

Ohhh… Ahhh…

[image credit]

Did you see that? He’s double jointed, ladies…

…

And ladies… Ladies.

Ladies, say hello…

[image credit]

And finally… a little something for the the men. I know it’s not just ladies that visit Jenny On the Spot. I haven’t forgotten my man traffic. Uh…

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Make Me Laugh Monday: In Which I Google "Hot Firemen" is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

So.

I think I start lots of posts with SO.

I digress…

Lucy got sick Saturday. I was going to write that she fell ill in the “late afternoon”, but hindsight is 20/20… and it was actually early afternoon she started exhibiting “sick-like” symptoms.

Yadda, yadda, yadda… Fast food for dinner.

Lucy ate 1/2 a chicken nugget, and all of her ice cream bar.

I let her eat ice cream without finishing her dinner because she had a bit of a fever, and our plans to get her ears pierced were postponed due to said fever, so, yeah… I let the kid have ice cream without dinner.

Hindsight being what it is, I am glad she ONLY had the ice cream. For WHEN SHE THREW UP AT 1:20 IN THE MORNING (20 minutes after I finally got to bed, and 1.25 hours into her 6th birthday) I only had to clean up chocolatey/ice-creamy vomit. Not chunky chicken nugget-y/french fry-y vomit… from the living room floor and blanket…

Here’s what’s amazing – no vomit on the couch!

Yay me!

But this is about Lucy.

No it isn’t.

THIS?

is about ME.

So. Me. I wear glasses or contacts because I am pretty much legally blind in the near-sighted sense. Presently I just wear contact lenses through to bed time because I lost my glasses.

Because it’s easy for a grown woman to lose one’s glasses when one only keeps them in the bathroom or bedroom, but whatever.

What I am trying to say is, between taking out my contacts and going to bed, I better know I am really ready for bed.  On account of the fact that I CAN’T SEE without my contacts. And my glasses are LOST… but in the glasses defense, they only had one arm anyway.

My husband is such a lucky man.

*focus, Jenny, focus*

But the real problem comes when one’s 8 year old runs into one’s room yelling, “LUCY’S THROWING UP!” and one knows one does not have time to put in one’s contacts BECAUSE ONE’S 5 6 YEAR OLD IS VOMITING DOWNSTAIRS ALL OVER THE LIVING ROOM.

I rushed down, blind, in a tank-top and undies. I prayed the 11 y.o son would sleep through and miss the mess that was his mother.

Alas… the boy sleeps like his father and his childhood remains intact.

I stumbled in… I smelled it before I saw it – ON ACCOUNT OF THE FACT I WAS BLIND… and I blindly, literally… tried to clean vomit off a wailing and still vomiting 6 year old – who was  also shivering, because that 101.5 fever had probably hit 103.

And I also gagged.

And gagged some more, but knew I had no husband to turn to… so I had to be strong.

Blind-strong, but strong.

Somehow we made it to the bathroom and I coaxed Lucy into the shower… but before that I had Olivia get Kevin outside (so HE wouldn’t “clean-up” Lucy’s vomit) AND got a vomity load running in the washer.

*fluffs cape* *stands against strong wind… head high… hands on hip*

Once Lucy was safely crying loudly in the shower because she was FREEZING… I took to washing my hands with LOTS of soap. Not only did I not want VOMIT on my hands I also really, really needed to put in my contacts. There was still work to do. And Mama… though “super” for her heroic efforts thus far… still had not acquired super-vision and needed to get those contacts in.

Somewhere between soaping-up and convincing Lucy the water was indeed not going to kill her… I managed to not fully rinse the 14 ounces of soap off my hands

BEFORE PUTTING IN THE FIRST CONTACT

you must know where this is going

And it happened. I put a soap-covered contact lens in my very tired eye.

That was good times.

So. In short… There I was… hunched over the sink, in my granny panties undies, a tank top, furiously pawing at a soapy eyeball that BURNED… I begged for the burning to stop, and in the end I just had to  DECIDE IT TO STOP because Lucy really didn’t care that I had hand-soap in my eye. She was COLD and had just PUKE UP HER DILLY BAR, PEOPLE.

Remarkably, the rest of the mess was cleaned. Lucy got squared away in my bed… and the nightmares began.

Hers. Not mine. I had just lived through one.

And the begging for water. She was thirsty… “SO FIRSTY MAMA!”

I gave in. 2 tablespoons of water each half hour for the first 2 hours… until I felt confident she would not be puking in my bed.

And Kevin. The dog. He was let back in, but had been so disturbed by the chaos (who can blame him) he started acting like it was time to play outside, and went around to every door of the house and cried. From 3 to 3:45 IN THE MORNING.

Since I was up, I sent a few emails… took out my contacts (my eyes need the rest)… I think it was close to 5 before I was able to really, finally sleep.

When I woke up, I went to put my contacts back in and I noticed:

So. There I stood. In a haze of, “What happened last night”, but not “drunken stupor haze”, but “I never read this in a parenting book haze”… And I looked at my contact case. I looked at my hands.

Right. Left.

No.

Left. Right.

Crap.

Hitherhencetofore… I broke out a new pair of contacts.

Which is probably for the best, since the others probably still had soap on them.

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Make Me Laugh Monday: Sure, I can laugh NOW. is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

OK, friends. THIS makes ME laugh.

i o lucy lol

Lucy is an emergent speller. She has no idea what she wrote (other than her name), but she writes… hoping to someday spell something other than her name. “Is that a word, Mom? Is THAT a word…” I LOVE watching this process. Besides, she wrote “lol”… clearly, she will become really good at Twitter and also texting. Makes a mother proud to see such innate gifting.

But the picture… She drew this a few weeks back. It’s a picture of her. And me. I’m the one with the hair all over and big flower hands. She’s the one with the side pony-tail. She likes to do her own hair, and her own pony tails often does end up on the side-ish. She’s a mess and I love that about her.

Honestly, children’s drawings in general, make me laugh. Their struggle with fine motor skills… their interpretation of eyes, fingers… and toes.

I am always relieved when my kids draw happy pictures. Which is all of the time…  Praise glory. To me it means that they are probably basically happy little people and I probably haven’t totally destroyed their hope for the future. You know, because making them empty the dishwasher, take showers or *sometimes* yelling at them to get their shoes on could potential crush their little spirits. Right?

It makes them stronger, I say. Just talk to Tiger Mother.

—–

Another thing that made me laugh recently Meg’s (Whatever) post about men in belted sweaters. In fact – it SLAYED me. I passed the link onto my husband and his buddy Scott have men in belted sweaters profile pictures over there on the FB. Way to go Meg – you have impacted a little corner of Kitsap County! Here’s just a taste of what she shared.

{this picture was lifted straight from Meg at Whatever}

You MUST click over and see the entire work of, uh… eye candy??? You will NOT be disappointed. One easy piece, indeed…

Happy Monday, friends… May you laugh… If not at you, or not at me… then at men in belted sweaters.

Peace and sparkles <3

P.S. I think Men in Belted Sweaters would be THE BEST BAND NAME EVER!

P.P.S. OK, I’m going. For reals now. I mean it.

P.P.P.S. I really mean it!

P.P.P.P.S. Really.

P.P.P.P.P.S. For realsies.

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Make Me Laugh Monday: Lucy Draws and One Easy Piece is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

It’s been a bit, well… busy lately.

My house is… well… feels less like a house and more like a garbage dump, but with more dog hair.

*eyes go wild*

So, my husband, saw me in my glory distress (read: he may or may not have called home to speak to a weepy, sobby, hiccupy-crying wife who had reached the end of her already very short rope)… SO when he got home he was all, “YOU LEAVE. LEAVE. AND WORK NOT HERE.”

I rolled a lint roller all over my body thrice, and thrice times more before heading out the door… to go work at a local/chain coffee/bookseller. I drove 15 minutes to get away from home to work not in dog hair and the puddles of my own tears.

I walked into the coffee shop. I tried to avoid eye contact with anyone with eyes. Which wasn’t hard since my eyes were so practically completely swollen shut from crying anyway, but I digress.

I ordered a coffee and a slice of quiche.  I went to “set-up shop” when I realized all of the outlets were permanently covered.

Hrmmmm…

Excuse me sir. Is every single outlet sealed?

Yes.

Uh. Even in the bookshop area?

Yes.

Really?

Yeah. They don’t want people hanging around.

O.K.thenthereisnoreasonformetogetthisfood

Circumstance – 10; Jenny – 0

They refunded my money (thankfully). I went back to the car, and called the Huz. He tried not to, but he laughed, because he knows… he KNOWS I am a MAGNET for this kind of stuff.

You see, it’s not any one thing that is bad or terrible… There are just times when life feels a lot like Chinese water torture. It’s not any ONE drip of opposable circumstance… it’s the relentless drip. Drip. Drip.

Drip.

There was another restaurant I knew had wifi, but I figured with the way Circumstance was courting me, I should make a call and ask a few questions.

When do you close?

I don’t know.

You don’t know?

No.

Uhhh… is there someone you can ask?

Oh yeah! … … … … … I’m sorry. 10.

Do you have outlets that are accessible?

I don’t know.

You don’t KNOW?

Oh …. …. …. Yes we do.

And you have wifi, right?

No.

No? Maybe you just used to… ?

No???

No.

Hold on… … … … I’m sorry. I guess we do.

This is all real, actualy, for real-life conversation. For realsies.

I drove past my home and 10 minutes beyond to finally hunker down for a good 3 hours to knock out a Keynote presentation.

I ate a chicken quesadilla, drank a beer, then ordered coffee and crème brûlée. Some people have blankies they go to for comfort. Me? I prefer a blanket of FOOD.

I finished about 90% of my presentation, and 100% of my food!

Whew?

No.

Enter today – when I was gonna go spit-shine that baby.

Nope. Not.

Gone.

It’s gone.

Gone.

My entire Keynote presentation is gone.

100% of the 90% is g-to-the-o-n-e.

But you know what is NOT gone.

The dog hair.

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Make Me Laugh Monday: Maybe It'll Be Funny in Hindsight is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

I have noticed that “the haul” is quite popular over there on the YouTube.

And me, never being one to pass-up a chance to make a fool of myself also be popular, I have made a haul video of my own.

The only diff’ between me and those other girls is I could be their mother I cannnot wear a size 0 I have not been on Good Morning America I am a mom. OK, and old(er).

I’m just livin’ my mom-ness to the fullest. Technically my “haul” after a trip shopping consists of things like: 4 bags of socks I have to buy nearly weekly for my pre-teen son (it’s like he has sandpaper and knives for feet!), maybe shoes for my girls (because we have a shoe monster in our home that eats one shoe, but not the both of a pair) and toilet paper (5 butts to wipe at our house) and also bananas, and salsa, and bagels, and deoderant… and perhaps the registration receipt for all 3 kids to be in the local children’s musical theater group.

Those girls in that other haul video… WHO CAN WEAR THAT MUCH MAKE-UP?!

But really… I’m just jealous of their haul. I want to buy make-up and shiny things for me, me … ME!

But, instead of dwelling on the haul I CAN’T do… I decided to focus on the haul I CAN! I imagine this is also one haul you can do too – who doesn’t have a junk drawer?

Oh yeah… and happy Valentine’s Day! I already talked about Valetine’s Day over here…

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The Junk Drawer Haul is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

I wasn’t planning on posting a MMLM post… simply because I already posted today. And I have laundry to do. Coffee to consume. I’m supposed to WORKING. Sheesh.

But sometimes.

I came across this video today. I laughed SO hard. And I just have to share it. Have to. I love to laugh, and I love to share the funny. This? This is of the Funny.

“I love you long. I love you strong, and I just don’t want you to be stupid.”

She’s awesome.

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Make Me Laugh Monday: The Reporter is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...