Jenny On the Spot: Caffeinated mom, lover of dancing, glitter and glitter.

Here we are again… Monday. Does anyone else suffer from a case of “the Mondays”. If so… I have cure for your case of The Mondays, and no… it’s not more cowbell.

Tho more cowbell would certainly help. But my prescription to help cure The Mondays is Make We Laugh Monday. Today’s edition?… The keyphrase search terms that bring some folks to my internet home. I will only share the ones that won’t make you gag (well… ). The interwebzzies searchers can be a disturbing bunch.

Here follows my 2 cents on these searches (in bold)… my reply in italics… hyperlinks provide the probable post my searchers went to to get their questions answered.

Continue reading ‘Make WE Laugh Monday – I Give Searchers Answers and Whathaveyou’

Who knows if this is half as funny as it was to me. But you know how moms are… we all think OUR kid is the smartest, the funniest and cutest…

And really, what happened Sunday morning was probably more adorable and ushy-gushy precious than funny. Maybe. Naw. It was funny. 4 year olds have that effect on life…

Look at the picture. Do you see that little rainbow doo-bob spinny thing in my daughter’s hair? She found it Sunday morning. And she was ever-so deeeeelighted to have found her long-lost, and apparently beloved rainbow hair doo-bob. For when she found it she gasped and exclaimed,

I FOUND MY FING MAMA!!!!

*SMOOOOOOOOOOOCH-SMACK!!!*

MAMA! I JUST KISSED IT!

Oh and did she ever. I heard that *swak*.

Here’s the thing. I get it. I am also an emotional kisser. I too have kissed my beloveds…

After Lucy looked over her lost love… she asked,

MAMA!?

*I love that she calls me Mama, and I love that she speaks in all caps…

IS THIS TWISTY HAIR FING MADE OUT OF RAINBOW LICORICE??!!!

Oh how I long to think like a four year old! Like, how much fun is that?

As we all take on a new week… may you find your own rainbow licorice… be it the gift of 5 extra minutes, be it pre-shredded cheese, be it a chilled mug for your root beer… Delight in the small, but wonderful surprises that are hiding in your Monday. There has to be at least ONE in there somewhere! I’ll be looking to my Lucy. She’s sure to sniff one out for us both :)

***Meanwhile, at BlogHer… do you think we are living in anti-social bubbles? When the words :online and “family are used together… what thhoughts come to your mind? Visit my newest contribution there and join the conversation!

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I am going into this with little clue as to what will make We laugh.

Really. I blame it on post-conference exhaustion andwhathaveyou.

I wasn’t a worker/volunteer there. I had no responsibilities, but I am TIRED. Sure, I could blame the fact that I cleared a whole 12 (give or take) hours of sleep over the course of 3 nights. OR I could own up and just say – GOODGOLLYALMIGHTYONALLTHEEARTH! I AM GETTING OLD.

My body is all, “No you di’ent.” My mind is all, “Gurl, you bettah keep up, cuz we iz not thah-ru!” I think I phrased it best on my self-created Facebook fan page. Hey. Be not quick to judge. I’m sure there are bonafide movie stars that roll out their own red carpets… I’m practicing. *waves: wrist, wrist, elbow, elbow* I wrote:

Mercy. My body is too old to keep this up, but my brain is too immature to make me stop!

And within minutes of that post I lost a fan, AND a Facebook friend. I have no idea who.

The Public is such a fickle lover…

Aaanynowhos. In hopes of getting more traffic to my YouTubes making WE laugh without having to reinvent the wheel, I will post an old a classic video. You see, I’m old tired and need to get my beauty sleep. And I am made out of Awesome dependingonwhoyoutalkto…. say… first grade girls. They think I am WICKED fantastic and want pink in their hair like me.

Finally. I’m popular.

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It’s time for a little change. I am turning the M in “Me” upside down. Make ME Laugh Monday is now Make WE Laugh Monday!

Why?!!!

CUZ. That’s why!

And also, I have often struggled with the whole “ME” thing.

I’m serious. Shutup. Make Me Laugh Monday has not been about posting things that make ME laugh. Well. O.K. It has. I pretty much post stuff that makes ME laugh, but it has been in the hopes that YOU would also laugh – thus and therefore and hitherthencealtogethersayhey… WE. Make WE Laugh Monday!

For you mathy types: ME + YOU = WE

For you visual learners… here is a Ven Diagram. I call it The Ven Diagram of WE:

So. In an effort to make WE laugh, I embed here a video. It made ME laugh, and I sincerely hope YOU will to. If you do not, then one of two things could be going on:

1. I do not know funny, or
2. YOU do not know funny, or
3. I do not know you like I thought I did and maybe we need to sit down and have a talk becuase, when did we start growing apart?, or
4. I am not mathy, and apparently cannot just have a list of 2 things.

I have reason to believe this video should be funny to bloggers and judgers-of-bloggers alike. Without further ado…Blogger Sweatshop…

“…But I guess no one subscribed…” *SNORT* *GUFFAW!!!*

***On the Digital Parenting side of things… if you’d like to join in on the conversation in the Family COnnections group at BlogHer, I have 2 new posts up:

1. Come and DO the Dishes! – where I wish my kids were old enough to text. Just read it. Don’t be a h8tr.
2. Discussing Social Networking Sites in School – what say you?

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Have you seen the movie Elf. Oh that Will Ferrell! He’s a riot. Well, there’s one line in the movie that feels a lot like my life. Listen:

Really, I can use the spirit of that phrase for anything!

Scenario 1: Hey Jenny, you wanna go get coffee? Is there caffeine in coffee? THEN YES!

Scenario 2: Hey Jenny, wanna use some of my shimmer lotion? Is there glitter in shimmer lotion? THEN YES!

Senario 3: Hey Jenny, do you want me to put a shot of Tequila in your Corona? Is there liquor in Tequila? THEN YES!

Scenario 4: Hey Jenny, do you want to be the MC for the school auction? Is there a microphone in that? THEN YES!

Scenario 5: Hey Jenny, you wanna help lead a pep rally for the Knowledge Bowl? Does it mean that at the age of thirty-youbetternotsayaword I get to put on a cheer uniform and dance on a stage? THEN YES!

Scenario 6: Hey Jenny, you wanna get a new pair of Converse? Is there AWESOME in those? THEN YES!

Dang it! You know how it was Doppelganger Week on Facebook last week? I thot I was more Jennifer Aniston-y (the hair)… By the power of Greyskull www.faceinhole.com it seems I confused a great number of people with this pic:

That’s not me. Well, it’s my face. In a hole. *erm* The vessel is Jennifer Aniston. If Jennifer Aniston and I ever had babies…

TO BE CLEAR – THAT IS NOT ME. *butitkindais*

I got a little creative and cropped-out the “Face in Hole” graphic to up-play the potential twin-ness of the Jenster and I. And it seems it *may* have appeared to some it was ALLLLLL me. That I had gone Hollywood for reals and for FINALLY!

I wish. Not that I COULDN’T *clears throat*… It’s just that I didn’t. I was busy.

And in the end it seems my HEART doppelganger is Will Ferrell’s character in Elf. I too, like syrup… because there is sugar in it. Oh. Yes!

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I almost made it.

I was *this* close.

I almost made it through my entire mother-of-preschoolers career (an almost 11 year stint), without having one of my offspring pee, poop or vomit inside any one of the quite possibly, MILLIONS of play tubes their young knees have crawled in.

The Germ Tubes.

But my kids have left their own spittum and snot, I am sure of it. But keepin’ them juices from a Germ Tube is like keeping a poet from waxing cheesy, or Hitler from Evil…

Now, I HAVE been at a Germ Tube during select unfortunate situations:
Continue reading ‘Make Me Laugh Monday – Cuz If You Can’t Laugh… The McDonald’s Germ Tube’

Herefollows the story of my transformation. Because I HAVE been transformed.

How could I have been so blind?

So…. FLAT? See that pic to the left?

Flat. Ish. *YAWN*

It was a humbling journey that placed me eye-to-eye with a Walmart employee. Me. Asking…

Uh. Ex, ex, excuse me…. Ma’am? Uh. Lemme. Oh golly. I can’t believe. Well, I have an event and… Oh my gosh. I’ll just say it — Do you guys sell Bumpits here?

Continue reading ‘Make Me Laugh Monday – Bumpits’

*Before I begin… swing by my review blog to enter for a chance to win a table top sports mat by Zelosports – not only for you, but your charity of choice! Just leave a comment to enter!*

Here follows a list of the top ten oddest/funny/most stupefying search inquiries that brought traffic to my blog in the month of November. Go pee and swallow all beverages completely.  Mop your floor, your jaw may land there. You have been warned. And once again I sit confused, disoriented and am left wondering… and laughing. And I am not even going to list the ones that make me throw-up a little in my mouth.

I am not going to include in this list the expected – candy cane oreos, glitter, or race pee *blinking*… OK, maybe I will… Search inquiries in bold, my response in italics.

• oreos candy cane cookies taste bad – I am pretty sure this person will burn in Hell.
• bigg butt hurts your back – I wouldn’t know. Shutup.
• correctional officers crime blog poetry jenny lol - Who. Searches. For. This. Stuff? OK, you wanna poem. I’ll bring it:

Continue reading ‘Make Me Laugh Monday – Who’s Lookin’ Here?’

I took my kid to the park one day a week or so back. Being the conscientious parent that I am… I walked the perimeter of the park to inspect for sharp edges, stray shards of bark, matches and hypodermic needles. *rolls eyes*

Ya know… the usual “safety sweep” all parents feel compelled to do before fun times at the park.

It is especially critical here… in my sleepy faux Norwegian bayside town, with a large retired-persons population. In my standard perimeter sweep, I noticed a new sign. Gosh, folks. I can’t believe I am still alive. We never had signs like this when I was a kid. I suppose I am just fortunate – as well as 100% of my peers that never died at my local playground.

And for those of us who like to drink their coffee HOT… “The beverage you are about to enjoy is HOT.” Oh yeah, and have fun.

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Teachers. Bless their hearts. School staff persons. Again, bless their hearts.

And we may want to say a prayer of blessing for their heads, because when I went to help at my kids’ school… the following sign was hanging in one of the teacher’s bathrooms:

Bless their hearts heads.

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- I totally tried to swoon Harry Connick Jr. in my review about his new album. I haven’t heard from him yet, but I’m sure it’s only because he is nervous. I have that effect on men people. *two snaps up in a circle* Ouch. I totally just hit my nose.

- I am giving away some of the moneys in a couple of reviews on my review site. If you haven’t visited and commented on the Febreeze NOTICEables post or Wonder Bread post… maybe you wanna… There is still time to enter to win 2 different $100 Visa gift cards and a couple other things, like a year of freed bread and stuff.

- And finally… I started a series over at Mom on the Spot: You Know You’re a Kitsap Mom When… If you are a Kitsap-er, or are simply curious about the exciting life we lead here in the Pacific Northwest… here’s the dirt… the skinny… how we deal… how we be. Judging from our park signage, we may be a special people.

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I am in a FUNK. So here’s a video I made just this morning. It was going to be short, but I should just embrace the fact I am long winded in both the written and spoken word.

Now - that review and $100 Visa gift card giveaway! I have a new video there too! But it’s of my kids, and the even break out in song. When I watch the video I marvel… how true it is that the apples do not fall far from the tree… Click here.

Now. A shout-out for teachers! I recently teamed with BlogHer who has teamed with donorschoose.org to highlight a few Seattle-area high-poverty classrooms that need funding with projects ranging from reading books to pianos to white boards. But it’s not just for Seattle-area projects! This Social Media Challenge includes 16 cities across the country! I was just privileged to be part of helping select the Seattle-area projects. I know not everyone who comes through here is from this area, so I have the following widget in my sidebar and below… If you click there you can browse for a city near you and look at the of school children and teachers in your area!

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