Jenny On the Spot: Caffeinated mom, lover of dancing, glitter and glitter.

As part of yesterdays’ birthday celebration, I had to go get a new driver’s license, and hithertowhereverthougoest… I was gonna get a good picture and also lieaboutmyweight. Nothing quite like getting a new driver’s license AND getting old(er).

I made it to the DMV… or the DOL (whatever) moments after the doors opened.

Gloray! There was no line. *devil sign*

I sauntered up to my the unknown victim male clerk behind the desk. “Hi Handsome” I said with a smokey soft voice.” “Hey! How cool is it that there is no line! Is it usually not this busy? Huh? Huh? Huh? How is your day so far now that your doors have been open for 2 minutes and 33 seconds? Huh? Huh? Huh?” I said in a much too caffeinated and uncomfortably giddy tone. For the clerk, but not for me. I wanted to be my own best friend! *shakes pom-poms*

*toothy grin*

Clerk: “Yeah. How ’bout that.” *sniff and a head cock*
Continue reading ‘A Big Workout Neck and the DMV, or is it the DOL?’

So. I have this friend. Darcy. A personal trainer. A personal trainer who happens to be my friend who has been cruel kind enough to show me how to properly and effectively work mah boday. She is into “functional training”, and I’m all, “Heh… she said “function”…

Lemme tell ya, the first time she functionally beat the living crap out of me werked her functional magic… I spent lots of time face to rubber with the butt of a Bosu ball. She is a HUGE fan of the bosu ball, thusandtherefore, I have now sucked face with a great number of Bosu balls. Lucky Bosus. I’m kidding.

*not me* but… been there done that.

Wanna cookie?

I digress….
Continue reading ‘My Butt Hurts, You Don’t Even Know.’

This is mostly confessional, but part digressional. Cuz that’s how I roll, yo. *flashes gang sign*

Y’all Remember in the 80’s… when it was cool to peg your pants and tuck them into your socks… mulitcolored layers of socks (or legwarmers)? *flinches* Aaanywho. I did something similar not too terribly long ago. However, I did it to SAVE MY LIFE…

One day, I decided to vacuum my mini-van. I was hunting for petrified french fries and hoping the spilled milk was dry enough it would flake off. I’m kidding {not kidding}. No I’m kidding. *shakes head*

I vacuumed and vacuumed and vacuumed my way to an acceptable level of clean. Gone are the days of “truly” clean.

I headed back home. The children and I piled out of the car when, when, when…. I saw it. It.

IT.

A. Continue reading ‘The Confessional – I almost made call backs for the local drill team.’

Here I am WAS  bidding for a job… a job with some level of visibility for a local financial institution…(when I originally posted this) yet I can’t resist. I should let them think I have it all together… just let them believe I run my home like a well-oiled machine.

Why can’t I let feeding maggots lie?

I wasn’t going to share this.

I wasn’t going to share.

But the story that I want to hide

Won’t let me hide it there.

Huh? “Won’t let me hide it THERE.”

I. Don’t. Know.

It rhymed. I was going for Dr. Seuss-y, and ended up Edvard Munch-y… and he was neither a writer nor a poet, but a painter… So.

*scratching head*

Anynohows. I am a glutton for punishment blogger, not a poet.

OBVIOUSLY.

So. Maggots.

Continue reading ‘The Confessional – Maggots’

There comes a time (ofthemonth) where women need… shall we say… certain “supplies” exclusive to the female gender. *ahem*

And unfortunately (fortheman), despite the woman’s best efforts… SOMETIMES He is called on to help *ahem* restock this very specific “supply”. Probably the most hated item on a man’s “honey-do” list.

I may or may not have teased my husband about my own issue with this “supply and demand” problem just this morning. I mean, he WAS going to run errands, sooooo… However, so everyone will know I am a compassionate woman, I released him… As I said, just kidding Baby”… I could swear I saw the testosterone rush back to his face… the whiskers on his unshaved jaw waved in celebration.

This little “interaction” reminded us of a time when we were first married. It was the evening of the fourth of July.

We went to a local drug store. *Ican’tbelieveIamactuallytellingthisstory* We had to pick up a few things. One item on this list was… errrmmm… Let’s just say we were newlyweds who were actively pursuing a state of kidlessness for a span of several years. Think “barrier method”.

So, we get to the counter to pay for our “goods”. We make the transaction… all three of us (my 23-year old dashing, young husband, the high school-aged male checker *of course*, and I) made valiant efforts to make no eye contact. I was proud of our mature manner throughout the very uncomfortable process.

But.

As we walked away… as. we. walked. away… our teenage checker added, with an innocent pep in his voice —

Enjoy the fireworks!!!

Really? After working so hard to avoid eye contact… it was finally made – thricewise in triplicate!!! Confused. Guilty. Dirty. Ashamed. As quickly as we all made our eye “contacting” we all looked away. Dumbfounded.

That walk back to the car… I think I tripped on my jaw the whole way. Looking back, I wish I had the daring then I have now. If I were ever in that spot again, I’d turn on my heel… put my hand on hip… cock my head to the left (or right) and say… “You bet yer sweet britches we’ll enjoy the fireworks.” And then he’d probably throw up in his mouth a little because I’m an old woman, but… that’d be his problem. Not mine.

When’d I get so sassy?

…ucuz I’m classy like that.

Before I expound on my my wordage skillzesses… perhaps I will start from the beginning. OR… as a word creator such as my self might say… the beginnitives.

*dramatic pause*

My friend Carrie of the highly acclaimed Stop Screaming I’m Driving! put a little call-out on her Facebook for FB addicted moms, or whathaveyou. I was all, “I’m not addicted. I want to teach the world how I am not addicted, but rather an efficient and frequent user of social media!” And whatnot.

*dramatic pause*

Carrie had the privilege of, of… experiencing her first-time radioness (I am on a flippin’ new word roll!!!). The podcast of her smooth talkin’ can be found here. And as a result of her gig, she was asked by the producers if she knew anyone who’d be willing to make themselves vunerable.

Enter Jennyonthespot… a.k.a. “will do anything to get more people to hear her… giving no thought to reputation or consequence” or WDATGMPTHH…GNTTROC,  for short.

Prior to my interview on the the local station KUOW 94.9 FM…

…I had to give my kids the “what for”. Basically, if you interrupt my one shot at infamy, I will lose it… dear offspring. You owe me this, you OWE me!!!

*pops chill pill*

I took all three of my lovelies and told them,
Continue reading ‘I used the “word” MODERATIVE on a radio interview…’

Before I begin, I should probably mention… I am going to can MMLM. *winces*

I am getting “performance anxiety”. This doesn’t mean I am going to quit “funny”… no… I will never quite “funny”. I’ll quit “funny” when I quit breathing. I just have found I am not able to be the funny I want to be on a schedule. Also, the Mr. Linky thing is a pain and… yadda, yadda, yadda…

However, today is Monday, so I’m gonna post my last “official” MMLM post. SO… Awhile back I confessed to you all that I have a certain shirt I do not wear in public. In the comments, most folks encouraged me to wear it out. Today, I was feeling lazy and maybe I was up for a bit of a social experiment. Besides, it was early enough in the day… so I knew not too many folks would see what I wore:

Continue reading ‘Make Me Laugh Monday – Frosting’

This is yet another post about the search phrases that introduce the unsuspecting to my little spot here on the interwebz. It seems the most popular traffic-driving search phrase was “Julia Roberts“. Yes, my celebrity twin…

In past search keyphrase posts I list a bevy of phrases. I am going to be more picky here. Maybe. We’ll see. I have no set number, I am fueled by emotion, I have to read through over 800 phrases, and I am not skilled in the art of “deciding”. So. I am going to try to leave out the obvious: mail whale tail fail, marathon, triathlon, Jenny, butt, and the like. Rather, I will focus on… *screech* Did somebody just write “focus”. Heh. THAT’S funny.

The following are the ones that really caught my eye. The ones that evoked either an eye-rub, perhaps a mental “stalling”, showed me I am needed, or… no, I will not share the ones that made me gag… I will do my best to answer where appropriate. They came here looking. I am here to help the needy.

cute little leprechauns dancing – Yeah. Because the I am all about leprechauns here. Let the *blinking* begin.

what chocolate does to the body – floods it with purpose?
Continue reading ‘How People Find Me. Poor People.’

TwitterMoms in partnership with Care.com is having a contest. The charge: 

What’s the rudest comment from a stranger you have ever gotten about your parenting style? 

Not. A. Problem. The hard part is — which story should I choose? Is it bad I have too many options? Here goes:

My daughter Lucy was 2, she had (OK, she still does) a love/hate relationship with water. She has been known to ooze, “I love you Wawa!” as we  drive onto the ferry. Yet she screams like a tortured victim from some “B” horror flick when her face gets wet while bathing. So, of course I am going to sign her up for swim lessons! I love to put myself in awkward situations, so it was a no-brainer!

Heh. No brain. How perfect.
Continue reading ‘Mom Fail – the reprise of a past post for a TwitterMoms Contest’

I am just a regular gal with a regular life… As much as I claim I am “made out of Awesome”, I pick my nose pass gas eat grapes fed to me by my pool boy trip up the stairs while wearing socks with my flip flops just like the rest of you. As much as I think I have made great gains in my placement on the “cool meter”:

Ehhhhh…. notsomuch.

You see. I am a mom. There is neither dignity nor poise nor height nor depth — to the extent that “cool” will never again be an option for this minivan drivin’, baby-wipes carryin’, snot-sleeve wearin’, “BuckleyourselfuprightnoworI’mGONNA…” yellin’ woman.

You see, just when you think it’s safe… your kid almost pulls your pants down in a parking lot. True story. OR you turn your “stupid” up to “high” and take your two year old while you are trying on swimsuits. Again, true story. 

I should know better…. I’m feelin’ “cool”… I have some color in my hair, a little spring in my step and my jeans are not cutting off my circulation this particular week. I believe I even saw birdies outside my bedroom window yesterday hanging English Ivy and twinkle lights… mice were in my sewing box, gathering needles and thread so they could take care of my mending.
Continue reading ‘And in all reality…’