Archive for the 'Humiliation' Category

Make Me Laugh Monday

A special thanks to Jenny at Absolultely Bananas for graciously allowing me to utilize her clever alliterative title… In celebration, I played around with a little image to, uh celebrate this little weekly (or bi-monthly) or whatever event here at Jennyonthespot.

Hmmm… something funny…

I was camping and realized I forgot a pair of pants. Two friends made the trek to Kmart with me to aid in my search. Why Kmart, and not the passion of my heart, Target? I only had Kmart or WalCrap to choose from, and after WalCrap sold me an ice chest without a hole to drain melted ice, I decided on Kmart… hoping their sweat pants would have holes in all the right places. I digress…

Cindy and Emily, two wonderful and lovely friends, who have stuck closer than flies on stink… helped me wade through the “many” Kmart sweat pant offerings… We browsed through a stack of 5 dolla’ pants. Grey, blue, lime…. and red. All. With. Pockets.

Yeah. Good times.

I thought, well, if I have to get the awfulest pair of sweatpants EVER, I might as well get the red ones… right? With movements of stealth I slipped on the legs of the full-on pocketed pair of bright red sweat pants… over my sweatshorts. While Cindy laughed at my efforts in “stealthy” dressing (read: bounce, bounce, bounce, topple, bump, bounce…), Emily browsed the sale rack. Once I finally managed to get the bright red pants of Satan on… I sauntered up to Emily. I queried in my breathiest, sex-kitten voice, “Hey. *tosses hair* Do these big red sweat pants with pockets make my butt look big?”

Without skipping a beat Emily lovingly replied, “No, those bright red sweat pants do NOT make your butt look big! *rolls eyes* They make your butt look ENORMOUS!”

True that.

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Keep up-to-date on the insane, the insightful, and the whatever…

Click here and Feed Me!

 

Published
by
jenny
on August 25, 2008
in 365, Funny Funnerson, General and Humiliation
. 3 Comments

Zumba!!!

Ya’ll heard of the newest workout dance craze - ZUMBA? Oh wait, it’s only new here… a mere technicality… It’s a Salsa-esque dance/aerobic class. My gym just started offering it. I resisted at first because I really only like to dance when it’s dark and the reality that others perceive is altered - a lot. Ya know, so even the moves of a big purple dinosaur could pass for the chillin’ moves of Vanilla Ice if the conditions are…. Just. Right. I have not been introduced to others as the best dancer in Kitsap County (OK, once) fer nuthin’. I’m serious. 

I decided to give the class a try this a.m. My brave mother and sister came along. I am so proud to call them family. We swizzled and cha-cha’d and step-double-ha-ho-yipped all around a floor that usually hosts a boring ‘ol  step class.

A gal I have come to know and adore was there too! She may not know I have a crush on her though. Why the crush? She sings in a band, that’s why! She also rocks the tambourine, and in case I haven’t mentioned I also seriously ROCK the tambourine (I confess, it’s air-tambourine, but… anyway…). She and I have so much in common! BFF!!  2 cute + 2 be = 4gotten!!!

I hope no one tells her about my blog.

So, I got to “Zumba” next to my local real-life-rock-star-friend… singer and tambourine vixen of the local band One Shot Molly. Oooh - check ‘em out!

Still curious about Zumba? Here’s a video. There are many videos out there and I chose this particular one because of the older gentleman in the black shirt (look for him at seconds 9-12). I think he and I could do some serious Zumba damage…

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Keep up-to-date on the insane, the insightful, and the whatever…

Click here and Feed Me!

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on July 24, 2008
in 365, Dance, General, Humiliation, Jenny Jen-Jen and Skillz
. 13 Comments

The Blozulfog

Lisa is like my butt, she cracks me up.

To find out why, go here.

Love ya Lizulfisa!

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on June 12, 2008
in 365, Bloggy Bloggy, Humiliation and The Love
. 0 Comments

Nosie’s New Look

Well. Nosie and I had a little “falling out” this morning. Literally. Either I blew my nose too hard, or I slapped Nosie silly while I blew my nose too hard… In any case, my nose stud Totally. Came. Out.

I didn’t even feel it, until I didn’t feel “it” - my nose stud. 

I found Miss Stud and tried with all my might to put her back. Not so much. I called The Blozulfog. She was all, “OK, stick it in as far as you can and put your thumb up your nose to feel it come through.” In my mind, I was all - how on earth do I get my thumb up my nose like that???!!!

Blood.

Drats. Continue reading ‘Nosie’s New Look’

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on June 10, 2008
in 365, Fa' Real?, General, Humiliation and Not So Much
. 11 Comments

Another example…

of my poor mothering…

We went to the park earlier this week. It was supposed to be in the low 60’s and sunny. That’s a heat wave around here. We dressed for the sun, but I did bring sweaters - just in case - because I am a good Pacific Northwest mom.

Anywho… I was busy swinging higher and better than Olivia (my 6 year old) when Lucy (age 3) went up to another mother across the park and asked, “Can you get me my sweater? I’m cold.”

I saw Lucy talk to the mom (who I later interrogated about her very cool nose piercing). I figured I should see what was up. So I got as much air as possible and did a back flip with a twist off the swing. I spouted “Neener, I’m better than you!” to Olivia. Then I ran off to make sure Lucy’s new mom was able to find that sweater. Kidding.

I dragged my feet and stopped the swing completely - so as not to break my old and fragile back. I told Livi I was proud at her efficient swing-pumping, gave a thumbs up, insisted she didn’t need another Under Dog to get more air, and left to check on Lucy and her new mom. I found out what Lucy needed, retrieved her sweater, and saved my girl from hypothermia. Then I returned to the mom Lucy nearly adopted and asked her all about her cute little nose stud.

And people wonder what I do all day.

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on May 9, 2008
in Family, Guilt, Humiliation, Lucy, Mutha' Hood and Olivia
. 2 Comments

A Local Band

My man and I saw a band with some friends not too long ago… I wrote about it here. Word on the street was, Blozulfog-n-Me landed a spot in the photo montage on their MySpace page. 

Upon hearing this news, I lunged at My computer to check on My reputation. Nothing inappropriate happened, but Holy Schnikey’s of all Creation! I have braces and a decent picture with these bad boys are few and far between. I was prayin’ they didn’t catch me in “a moment” where I was lookin’ all “Silence of the Lambs”ish. This look happens. All. The. Time. Braces do my face/smile no favors. AND I tend to dance with my mouth open. I can’t help it. An abundance of oxygen in necessary to bust a proper move. A girl has gotta get air!

So here’s the pic:

Great Laudations! No brace-face, nor arm wag! Instead you see: Blozulfog on the left and Jennyonthespot on the right. Blozulfog has such great hair - gorgeous red and curly. It looks like Blozulfog is clapping. Oh, Clapping - that’s good dance floor stuff right thar. I look like I am whistling. No… Wait… I can’t whistle with my fingers… Does that mean I am picking my nose? Awesome.

Maybe I was playing the air tambourine. I play a WICKED air tambourine… Yeah, let’s go with that… 

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on May 2, 2008
in 365, Bloggy Bloggy, Dance, General, Humiliation, Jenny Jen-Jen and Skillz
. 3 Comments

Oh, Mother…

I read this post about my friend who… well… She was with her young kids, at a race track… with dirt… young kids… a race track… it was hot… Other mother’s children appeared to be behaving… THOSE mothers appeared to be enjoying their time at the race track with heat and dirt and children… I will not call them names, I will not call them names…

Has anyone ever been in that spot? You know, Every-other-mother-but-Me is smoothly negotiating the bends and curves of a public outing with her children. Jen’s story reminded me of a trip to the grocery store not-so-long-ago… like, last week.

Lucy, My Princess of Three (Reign of Terror)… Empress “Iwillnotbend”…. I digress. We were… In Public. Lucy decided she wanted to swim. In Public. To the check stand. I had a choice. Pretend I was the good mom The Public expects, OR know my devil daughter and choose my battles.

You wanna know what I did? I. Let. Her. Swim. Yes, on her belly, a few dozen agonizing feet to the check stand. Some bystanders were delighted, some ran to the bathroom to vomit and sanitize their hands because of all the disgusting floor germs my daughter was “swimming” through. I chose to focus on the delighted people. I was blessed that my checker was one of the delighted folk. I told her that I was choosing my battles and that the germs were of FAR LESS concern than what would happen if I tried to make Lucy please the germophobes. No one really knew that my choice was not only better for me and Lucy, but better for all products stored in glass within a one mile radius…

Of course, now she has developed a third head… BUT I think that was from the time I let her swim at the toxic waste facility we visited on that last preschool field trip. I think.

So, are Jen and I the only “bad moms” here? Hey You - You look a bit disheveled… I bet you have a story… Oh, and You - You just put on some lipstick - nice color! Work it. I know You have a good one… C’mon - misery LOVES company :) And You… Giiiiirl! Did You just get your nails done? I love the color you chose… was it mani-therapy??? I need mani-therapy, or pedi-therapy… I just told you why I need it… what’s your story?

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on April 16, 2008
in Go ahead, chime in!, Humiliation, Lucy, Mutha' Hood and Spawn
. 5 Comments

Migrations and Such

If you notice some strange things around my place, it’s because my site was tenderly migrated to a more stable server. While this is a very good thing… the htmlsesses and suchesses are a wee bit skewed. Kinda like the thoughts in my head. Please be patient - Oh the minions of fans who hang on to my every triple period pause… and striked-through self-obsessed secret thoughts…

Now for the “Such”…

I so want to gossip right now… Continue reading ‘Migrations and Such’

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on March 22, 2008
in 365, Fa' Real?, Family, General, Guilt, Humiliation and Mental Pause
. 4 Comments

Fail

Thank you Average Jane for introducing me to one of my most favoritest sites ever… right now. Favoritest. This is one of my favorite pics.

Why do I love The Fail Blog? Because I am twisted like that. Continue reading ‘Fail’

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on March 7, 2008
in Bloggy Bloggy, General, Humiliation, Not So Much and Skillz
. 5 Comments

Just Say “No!” to Dressing Rooms

I headed to a local running store today… I needed some beverage enhancement, and stumbled upon a “20% off all apparel” sale. Yip!

I moseyed, whilst the Luc-meister moseyed - she spent quite a bit of time perusing the wall of “essersize shooooes”. You may be aware she has a “thing” for shoes. I found a lil’ somtn’ somtn’ and another lil’ somtn’ somtn’ to try on.

If you had been standing outside my dressing room (which you very well might have been - because it’s one of those rooms that is only a room with a partial door right off the “show room floor”), you would have heard this… after I had undressed down to my unmentionables: Continue reading ‘Just Say “No!” to Dressing Rooms’

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on January 31, 2008
in General, Humiliation, Lucy, Mutha' Hood and Spawn
. 7 Comments