Archive for the 'Guilt' Category

I taught Sunday school

the other day… To the 2-4 year old class. There were 10 of Them. Ten. My chest hurts thinking about it.

I got my degree in Social Studies. I received a teaching credential to teach at the secondary level. I actually taught high school for a whole year. I decided to teach youth because I was afraid of little people. I was afraid of - Yard. Duty. If I wanted to be a bouncer, I’d have worked at a bar.

You know what I think? I think pubescent lunacy is tame compared to… to… Preschoolers. In. Sunday. School. I’m quivering.

How the hockey sticks does classroom management work in Sunday School? Can you give a detention to a 2 year old in Sunday School? Not so mauch. Where’s the principal? Back up! I need back up! 

Continue reading ‘I taught Sunday school’

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on June 24, 2008
in 365, Fa' Real?, General, Guilt, Jenny Jen-Jen and Mental Pause
. 6 Comments

Remember the Sunsets: The Last Day of School

Today was The Last Day of School and it makes me feel old… aged… older… aging…. sad.

When my life evolved to the point where it made sense to have a baby, I pictured myself the mommy of a soft baby, with buttercream for skin. Forever. My daydreams never veered. The whole world was pastel and cooed… Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star was the theme song that played softly in my dreamy, baby mamma heart. 

Imagine my surprise when I learned that lasted, like, a month.

Continue reading ‘Remember the Sunsets: The Last Day of School’

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on June 18, 2008
in 365, Family, General, Guilt, Joel, Lucy, Mutha' Hood and Olivia
. 7 Comments

Party shortcuts: a few ideas on a Strawberry Shortcake party.

As I age, my standards get lower and lower and lower. Kind of like my… whatever…. 

My first child’s first birthday party had 2 character cakes (Bob & Larry of VeggieTales), goody bags, a BBQ with homemade salads, hand chopped produce, homemade side dishes, and hand made invitations as well as thank you cards… and like, 50 people.

Then there was his 8th birthday party - the one that was 4 months AFTER his birthday.

I’m thinking moderation is key. Joel’s first birthday was one extreme, his 8th was another. Funny how these events reflect the state of My mind… uber mania vs. uber guilt.

Continue reading ‘Party shortcuts: a few ideas on a Strawberry Shortcake party.’

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on June 3, 2008
in 365, Artsy Fartsy, Eats, General, Guilt, Lucy, Mutha' Hood, Skillz and Take My Advice
. 11 Comments

Good News & Bad News

The good news: Flocasts.org! I. Am. In. Lu-huv. Katie’s daughter, “E” (I call her E-Speed, cuz she’s a Speedy Speederson) is on the local high school track team. She and Katie introduced me to this handy little site. I can’t tell you how many miles I have driven to map out a long run. But with this discovery, I can do it all from my computer - saving gas and time… There are lots of other features as well, but I am most excited about the route mapping! Stinkin’ awesome!

The bad news: The Star-Vixen’s Mint Mocha Chip Frap. If I do not get a taste-bud-ectomy, it is quite possible I will need to switch from my minivan to an Econoline cuzza that Crack will PACK. IT. ON. Did you know they top that sista’ with CHOCOLATE whip? I always understood Crack was powdery-r-somethin’. Nope. It is actually a creamy, chocolate cloud of lovely whole-dairy fatness… churned in Heaven. With a spoon of gold. In a diamond bowl… and then it is drizzled with Chocolate Sauce of All Loveliness.

Once I became completely committed to drop the baby weight, it became easy to resist whip. Really. I had gotten to the point where whip actually grossed me out. But. Or is it BUTT… chocolate whip? Mother of Pearl! How is a red-blooded American woman supposed to turn from that? Huh? Huh?! 

One week to the race. 

I can resist the Vixen and her evil temptations… I will turn my eyes… I will burn my tongue… I can resist the Vixen and her evil temptations… I will turn my eyes… I will burn my tongue… I can resist the Vixen and her evil temptations… I will turn my eyes… I will burn my tongue…I can resist the Vixen and her evil temptations… I will turn my eyes… I will burn my tongue…

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Published
by
jennyonthespot
on June 1, 2008
in 365, Eats, General, Guilt and Swim/Bike/Run
. 4 Comments

Amish Friendship Bread, among other things

Goody! A list of Downey Downersons:

My Amish Friendship Bread is baking for another 35 minutes… The kids wanted to help make it. I forgot until after they were asleep (thank you Lord they fell asleep). It is day 10, and I had to make it. I am so bummed the kids didn’t get to “help”. This makes me feel like I have ripped childhood joy from their sticky, filthy palms. However, I am keeping one of the “starters” and we’ll try this again in 10 days…

I have a butt-load of emails and phone calls I have not been able to return in a timely manner.

With the layer of dust on my furniture, one might presume Mt. St. Helens blew her top again.

What happens to my hand towels in my guest bathroom? We. Have. Not. Had. Guests. Recently.

I just ate a bowl and a second bowl of Oreo ice cream with a couple of scoops of Jif - cuz that’s the smart thing for a girl to do when she’s packed on a few in the last couple of weeks and has to run in a half-marathon in, like, 10 days. Just keepin’ it real pzeeple.

I am not usually embarrassed at the condition of my home. But I was today. Someone came by who has never been here before. I gave a quick tour. There was not one corner that didn’t have crap piled in/on/upon/around/within it. Not. One. Now, I don’t need a clean house, but there are limits.

I stink. I worked out this afternoon and need to wash off the stank of fitness (all undone due to that double bowl of Stupid-n-Jif I ate a little while ago).

My desk. Oh my heck. You don’t want to know.

Yeah. Blog365. That too. It’s usually not a problem for me, but there are days. This is one of them. I have posted everyday this year, and do I blow it because of stink and dust and paperwork and emails and chaos? I know, it’s not a competition… except I am all about frivolous pressure and adding stress and intensity to my life… because, ya know - my life needs to be “spruced up”.

Watching the finale of Lost now - at 11:20 p.m. (recorded)… I’m feeling a little better now.

 

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on May 29, 2008
in 365, General, Guilt, House, Jenny Jen-Jen and Not So Much
. 5 Comments

“Mo-ooooommm!!!…”

Olivia cried early this morning, “The Tooth Fairy didn’t come!!!” 

That darned tooth had been hanging for weeks. The Tooth Fairy SHOULD NOT have missed her delivery. Plus, Olivia just broke her wrist - the Tooth Fairy should never miss visiting the 6-year-old-girl with lopsided ponytails and a broken wrist.

Joel added from across the hall, “Yeah! Hey MOM! Remember the time the Tooth Fairy forgot to come for FOUR NIGHTS?!!!”

Yeah. She remembers. Maybe the Tooth Fairy should start depositing the cash straight into the kids’ therapy fund.

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on May 20, 2008
in Family, General, Guilt, Joel, Mutha' Hood and Olivia
. 9 Comments

“Training” Schmaining

So, I have been posting a buncha garbage about this thing I call “training”. I have a half-marathon I intend to complete in a few weeks and I do not want to be unprepared - so I “train”. 

But I’ve been thinking lately. I am keeping track of my “physical” preparations, but not my “ingestive” preparations. Basically: if I really look at what I have been eating the last number of weeks, one might think I am actually training for a hot dog eating contest.

Not kidding.

Or a latte’ drinking contest.

Or a sugar-rush contest.

A cookie eating contest?

But not a half-marathon.

Oh well. At least I’m honest.

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on May 20, 2008
in 365, Eats, General, Guilt, Swim/Bike/Run and The Confessional
. 5 Comments

Confession: I Don’t Sew

I use this:

I have sewn… There was the awful 4-H-green and white dress I made when I was 10ish (for 4-H)… And there was that one stress-filled week before Halloween of ‘02 where I made my 3-year-old son an astronaut suit. Like he cared. He won’t remember my pain, but I do… I do… I spent WAY more hard cold cash making it myself than just buying a way-cooler pre-made astronaut suit. Suffice it to say, the power cord on my very lovely, looks-like-I’m-a-serious-sewer sewing machine has not been plugged into the wall since. I do sew on buttons though *kicking and screaming*. Oh, and Awana patches. Well, last year anyway. My poor kids wore last year’s patches all this year. 

Continue reading ‘Confession: I Don’t Sew’

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on May 14, 2008
in 365, Artsy Fartsy, Bloggy Bloggy, Guilt and The Confessional
. 8 Comments

Another example…

of my poor mothering…

We went to the park earlier this week. It was supposed to be in the low 60’s and sunny. That’s a heat wave around here. We dressed for the sun, but I did bring sweaters - just in case - because I am a good Pacific Northwest mom.

Anywho… I was busy swinging higher and better than Olivia (my 6 year old) when Lucy (age 3) went up to another mother across the park and asked, “Can you get me my sweater? I’m cold.”

I saw Lucy talk to the mom (who I later interrogated about her very cool nose piercing). I figured I should see what was up. So I got as much air as possible and did a back flip with a twist off the swing. I spouted “Neener, I’m better than you!” to Olivia. Then I ran off to make sure Lucy’s new mom was able to find that sweater. Kidding.

I dragged my feet and stopped the swing completely - so as not to break my old and fragile back. I told Livi I was proud at her efficient swing-pumping, gave a thumbs up, insisted she didn’t need another Under Dog to get more air, and left to check on Lucy and her new mom. I found out what Lucy needed, retrieved her sweater, and saved my girl from hypothermia. Then I returned to the mom Lucy nearly adopted and asked her all about her cute little nose stud.

And people wonder what I do all day.

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on May 9, 2008
in Family, Guilt, Humiliation, Lucy, Mutha' Hood and Olivia
. 2 Comments

Perhaps

I have been a bit superficial lately, what with dancing and general silliness and all. I know. Sometimes, digging into the emotional recesses of oneself can… well… can be not so much fun. I abhor conflict and find that I dodge stress like a pro-dodgeball playa. I think I may have been blog-living this credo: “If I don’t write it, I don’t have to deal with the crap.” *Ahem* Avoidance therapy, anyone? Apparently, avoidance ain’t no free ticket outta “Gotta Deal With It Land”.

Take for example, religion… I am a Christian. Did you know that? How far do I go into my relationship with God before this social platform blows up in my face… I’ve read comments on other blogs, and my physical heart doesn’t not take too kindly to what some people think is OK to say. 

How about politics? I know I will be sitting in the nosebleed section of this arena when it comes to my blog home. “Oh Great - 2008″. Ugh. I will tell you this - not only am I a Christian, I am a Republican. I know - summa ya’lls skin is crawling. You don’t have to tell me that though :)

Death and Life. There have been significant losses in this last year, and I just can’t seem to get it out right here. I think it bothers some who know about these losses… How can she be so silly? How can she be so light-hearted? 

I don’t know how to answer that. I am a SAHM with 3 young children… life and pressure and expectations abound… demands pull at me nearly minute by minute - however small, they are constant. CONSTANT. Laughter and light-heartedness are hard to come by if I don’t create it… make space and shove it in.  

Where on earth am I going with this? I have no idea. I hesitate to get religious because of the controversy. I hesitate to get political for the same reason. I hesitate to write my grocery list because I don’t even want to look at that boring compilation of letters. Do ya’ll REALLY want to read about our doctors visit, and how many minutes it took to get from “Point A” to “Point B”, and how my hair got flat in the drizzle, and how I changed a diaper at 2 p.m.? That’s why the internet created Twitter…

It has come to my attention that certain reader circles want more… some want less… some want different. It has come to my attention I have let myself stay under the covers and it seems some of me has changed. Actually, I believe the focus for this blog has changed, and I hope it always will. It’s organic that way. It is about life. It (this blog) ages as I age, as my children age… Changes just like the seasons… except I’m pretty sure my blog changes won’t fit in perfect 3 month cycles. Maybe more like 28 day cycles… haha… humor… 

For me, the beauty of blogging is the process. Redefining. Reshaping. Discovering… one’s style, one’s passions, one’s fears, one’s insecurities, one’s strengths. In this process we get to meet others who can encourage, and hopefully we get to be the ones TO encourage. We grow - and watch others grow. I am growing. I am changing. I want to hold back, but maybe I need to let go… 

Gah. I’m too tired for this.

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on May 7, 2008
in 365, Bloggy Bloggy, General, Guilt, Jenny Jen-Jen and Mental Pause
. 5 Comments