Jenny On the Spot: Caffeinated mom, lover of dancing, glitter and glitter.

You may be asking yourself, “Self… What is wrong with Jenny on the Spot? Hawt firemen aren’t funny. They’re HAWT. Clowns? Funny. SNL? Funny. A whoopie cushion? Funny. But hawt firemen? Eye candy.”

Whatever.

Read on.

Or not. I’m not the boss of you.

This weekend was the school auction. The one in which I said YES! to a microphone. But what you may not be aware of is I also said YES! to creating a Keynote (Power Point, but with my beloved Mac Awesome). And with that… I took a bit of liberty with communicating the auction *ahem* goods.

Ask forgiveness, not permission… right?

One of the items up for bid was a kid’s birthday party at the local FD. While putting the Keynote together, I told my husband, “Dude. Wouldn’t it be funny if I threw in a hot fireman picture?” He was all, “Dude. You could put it in and pretend like you didn’t know how it got in there.” And the I was all, “SO YOU MEAN I GET TO SIT HERE AND GOOGLE PICTURES OF HAWT, SHIRTLESS FIREMEN???!!!”

Continue reading ‘Make We Laugh Monday – Hawt Firemen’

Either I need to expose my kids to more things, or I need to continue harboring them from certifiable Awesome. I think I am going try to keep them from society as much as possible because, right now… they think I am THE SHIZZLE! I love this about me them.

For example, I was cutting a tag off a scarf. My Olivia (7) ooozed: Mom. You are SO creative!!!

Me: Why?

Olivia: Because you do things like cut off tags and stuff.

Joel (10): Yeah. You ARE creative, mom.

Me: Oh, and remember, you have also said I am really good at stirring. (my girls are so envious of my stirring skillz)

Olivia: Yeah. You are REALLY good at stirring.

I decided to let the kids have some of their own ego-build-time. I’m a giver. I asked, “How are you guys creative? I mean I know how you are creative, but in what ways do you think YOU are creative?”

Olivia (7): I can knit. You can’t knit. I can teach you!

Joel (10): Video games and technology. I helped my teacher with the computer yesterday. She wanted to put words on a picture… but it didn’t work.

Lucy (4): I am good at Lego building! I can build stairs and houses and people…

Dang it. I hate competition. I figure I won’t teach them how to stir. Then I will at least have something.

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For the past few months, I’ve been participating in BlogHer’s Family Connections citizen journalism project as a Momspotter. Basically that means I tweet a few times a day with the #momspotting hashtag about how I use technology in my day-to-day parenting life… along with posting articles in the BlogHer Digital Parenting group… mulling over issues related to technology, the interwebz and parenting in this digital age…

But enough about THAT, what about ME. It is no secret around here, the ongoing theme here is ME.

*DUH*

Hitherhencetofore, I am posting a MEME (not pronounced ME ME, but meme as in “theme”… just so you know, and you probably do, but… yeah…)

If you dig this meme, feel free to do one yourself and leave a link in the comments or tweet it with the #momspotting hashtag. Cmon, yo! Here follows the meme questions (in bold) and my own answers (in italics)…

1. Which expensive electronic device do you most often let your older children abuse or your baby drool on? The microwave. The family computer. It’s our TV and main gaming source, so… it is what it is –> victim and lover.
   
2. How many take-out restaurant numbers do you have programmed into your phone? Only one. Really. And it’s to a local grocery store pizza shop. We are watching our pennies, so we don’t eat out nor do we take-in much :) It ain’t easy, but we’re doing it!
   
3. How many hours of television do you so totally not let your kids watch a week? Um. Are Hulu and Boxee considered television? #nufsaid
4. Do you think people who say “we don’t watch television” at playdates but really mean “we just watch DVDs” are lying liars from Liarville? I think they are either liars or are masochists…
5. How many miles have you driven with your child and not one device of electronic entertainment in a single car trip? This is a very confusing question filled with contradictions.
6. What’s your record for calls to the pediatrician or Ask-a-Nurse in a single day? Well, there was that one day we had to call 911 twice in one day, AND ride in and ambulance for each call. I win!
   
7. What’s the sexiest thing your husband/partner could text you after a hard day? “I’m bringing dinner, and the beer is COLD.” Yes, I loves me mah beer.
   
8. What’s your favorite iPad joke? This is a NO BRAINER!!! This video:
   
   

   The iPad – watch more funny videos
9. What’s the dumbest parenting tool, gear, gadget or device you ever bought? One of those shopping cart covers. I get the idea, but I neither had the time nor patience. I found good old-fashioned PRAYER against the evil shopping cart germs seemed to work just fine, and also holy water, and also yelling “GET YOUR MOUTH OFFA THAT THING!”
10. How many years will it take for your child to become more tech-savvy than you? Well, given the fact that my 4 year old schooled me on Hulu just last week… I may be dangerously close to being in the hole on this one. *eeep*

So, do any of these questions want to make you chime in? How about #9. You gotta love #9… I can’t offer a prize… I COULD, but I’m feeling lazy, and cheap. Not that you are not worth a prize, but really you ARE a prize.

YOU. YOU are the prize! *cue cheering*

I made you blush. I can tell. Well, just take the compliment. You. Are. A. Prize. Well, look at YOU… I see you walking taller… Did you just turn your swagga on?

I thought you did… Just go on now… go on witcho bad self…

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It is still Christmas at my house. Not because presents keep pouring in, no… but because, as of this writing – January 16, 2010… the Christmas decorations are still — UP.

*hangs head*

I’m just keepin’ it real for y’allz. I am a classic type-a personality with a scattered-creative alter-ego who obssesses over glitter and fashion accessories. And fame.

Somedays it is just no fun to hang out in my head. I want order, but my alter-go (J-Bling) wants to play. I want timeliness, organization, predictability, and then my alter-ego hides my calendar and sprays glitter in my eyes… reminiscent of a Spitting Cobra.

A Spitting Cobra…

J-Bling…

Practically twins… Except for the scales…

Continue reading ‘The Confessional – It’s Still Christmas At My House’

There is very little to say about this. It stands alone. It’s only audio, but just close your eyes. Feel the passion. Take it to the end, cuz ya *might* be tempted to not. Finish. Listen. Crescendo with the artist. Go with him… Also, pee first. No. Really.

I heard this when I was driving the car. My husband played it for me. We nearly crashed.

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The Husband… his eyes burning with condemnation… as he stared at me through the innocent stair rails… He said, and I DO believe he seethed these words in ALL CAPS:

AND YOU KNOW THIS ALLLLLLLL HAPPENS BECAUSE YOU BLOG.

Whu? Who? Me???

Here’s what happened. It was a long weekend. A full weekend. A long a full weekend. To the tune of 3 children in 5 plays (the same one, but 5 shows), one gymnastics show, 4 or 5 meals out, one Jingle Bell Run

I made the local news for that… but they edited out my best line. You know the one…

Wait for it…

MADE OUT OF AWESOME.

Edited. Out. That was NOT made out of awesome.

I digress…

My friend Patti took pictures… Here’s me and something about spirits before the run:

Here’s a picture of me after the run… all bleary eyed, and missing one cute red ribbon from my hair…

Andalsosomuch, though the color of my skin might suggest otherwise… I do not have a case of the jaundiced. That was just bad lighting. I’m serious.

Oh yeah… with narry a 15 minutes to spare at any point on Sunday… we all made it home around 9 p.m. with my sis, bro, and mama -in-law and nephew… so we could celebrate our Christmas together. We are just way to busy for each other to make it happen ON Christmas, ya know? Aaaanywho…

9 p.m. on Sunday night…

Once the paninis were grilled and coffee drank and banana cream pie consumed… the kids opened presents and then ate their caramel apples…

And in the blink of an eye (a couple-a hours) … the in-laws drove away so as not to miss the next ferry and the children headed up to brush their teeth and the dog peed on my bedroom floor and my husband cleaned it up and I put a towel on the wet spot and I headed downstairs to curse our fool dog out of the children’s ear-range and then the 4 year old peed on the towel that covered the cleaned-up dog pee mess.

ON. THE. TOWEL.

True story.

It was at that point my husband looked at me between my fair stair railings and said,

AND YOU KNOW THIS ALLLLLLLL HAPPENS BECAUSE YOOOOOU BLOG.

Crack smoker.

The nerve. And I totally know what he means.

Mah bloggahs… I KNOW y’alls know what he means.

And then this morning I was all “You wanna know what ELSE happens because I blog? Wanna know, huh, huh??? I just won AWESOME ITSELF for doing a meme *neenerneener crack smoker*. My post Wishy, Wishy won the random draw at the Todays Mama’s Holiday Wishlist Giveaway. All kidding aside… this news made me cry great-big happy tears. That bike. Be still. My. Heart.

And also BECAUSE I BLOG…. YOU, my friends have a chance to win a $100 Visa gift card! My kids tried out the new Tom’s of Maine Silly Strawberry toothpaste…. we even made a video! But you’ll need to head over there to enter for your chance! Good luck!

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I saw these signs awhile back. I did a double-double take and made my husband double back so we could get a picture. It is as confusing IN CONTEXT as it is out of context. Kinda like my mind lately – in or out of context… Huh? Whu?

Precisely.

Let me change directions…

• Hop on over to my reveiw blog to enter to win $500 in beauty products from L’Bel, follow this link to check it out!
• Or go there to enter for a chance to win a table-top sports game from ZeloSport… one for yourself and one for you charity of choice!
• Did you know somebody very special just made it into her first REAL PRINT magazine? I’ll give you one guess who… *whistles*… Check out the newest edition of Type-A Mom’s Winter 2009/2010 Edition… It’s full of great articles from great women of the web (sounds so Matrix-y)… and me. My own article is titled: No Fail Resolutions: Make 2010 Sparkle Like A Brand New Toilet

It’s true! Look at the picture below! That girl stabbing that devil-skein of yarn? ME! Not only is my writing in a real-life magazine, but also my ANGRY EYES!!! By the way, my hubs just asked, “So if you have SEVERAL skein of yarn… is that called FORESKEIN???” Aaaanywho. We digress:

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*Before I begin… swing by my review blog to enter for a chance to win a table top sports mat by Zelosports – not only for you, but your charity of choice! Just leave a comment to enter!*

Here follows a list of the top ten oddest/funny/most stupefying search inquiries that brought traffic to my blog in the month of November. Go pee and swallow all beverages completely.  Mop your floor, your jaw may land there. You have been warned. And once again I sit confused, disoriented and am left wondering… and laughing. And I am not even going to list the ones that make me throw-up a little in my mouth.

I am not going to include in this list the expected – candy cane oreos, glitter, or race pee *blinking*… OK, maybe I will… Search inquiries in bold, my response in italics.

• oreos candy cane cookies taste bad – I am pretty sure this person will burn in Hell.
• bigg butt hurts your back – I wouldn’t know. Shutup.
• correctional officers crime blog poetry jenny lol - Who. Searches. For. This. Stuff? OK, you wanna poem. I’ll bring it:

Continue reading ‘Make Me Laugh Monday – Who’s Lookin’ Here?’

So. My friend Jyl… you know — JYL. Like, Mom It Forward Jyl… she tagged me. We were all runnin’ around my yard. She was laughing, I was laughing. We were having the time of our lives! But then I tripped on one of our kids the kiddie pool a blackberry bramble and wouldn’tyouknow she caught me and I was hencetoforth “tagged”. She got spray paint ALL OVER my face.

I was crying laughing so hard she couldn’t hear me beg for mercy, “I am not a freeway underpass! I am not a freeway underpass!” But she just kept tagging me… laughing, laughing, laughing…

Jyl is such a happy person.

It all happened.

Really.

OR she tagged me for a meme. You choose your own truth.

Win a Sleighful of Gifts!

Continue reading ‘Wishy Wishy!’

In a manner of speaking. My son (10) knows.

Well, he knows about the Tooth Fairy. He’s suspected for awhile. The last tooth he lost (a couple months ago), he handed me his tooth and stated, “Here’s my tooth. You can just give me the money now. I know you are the Tooth Fairy.”

Immediately, I grabbed that boy by the collar, clenched my teeth and ordered in that deliberate way only moms can delver a message, “You. Will. NOT. Say. A. WORD. To. Your. SISTERS. Gotit? GOTITBUDDY?!!!”

I believe he has already picked out Santa’s casket.

Enter today. He came home from school and told me he lost another tooth at school. Actually, he handed me a tooth in an envelope and said, “Here’s your bill.”

He is such a stinker. Makes me love him more.

This is the conversation he had with one of the ladies in the office when he lost his tooth:

Lady: So, how much do you think the Tooth Fairy is going to bring you?

Joel: I don’t believe in the Tooth Fairy.

Lady: Well don’t tell any of the little kids! And we have a 5 year old sitting in one of the rooms back there!

Joel: {giggle} O.K.

Ya know, I was so worried about “lying” to my kids about mythical present and money-bearing beings. I was worried my kids would resent me and never be able to trust me.

I’m not worried anymore. Joel and I are kinda having fun with all this. His nudges… his teasing… my threats teasing. I can tell he is getting a kick out of holding “privileged” information.

It’s a right of passage… helping “guard” the lie fantasy…

I am really enjoying this age. I find I am not laughing as much AT him because he is so cute, but more and more often WITH him because he is simply so frackin’ funny. And in these moments I feel hope — that I didn’t ruin him in his toddler years, and – while I DO want him to be an upstanding human being… He better have a good sense of humor.

He better. Forget NASA. I don’t want him to fly me to the moon. I dream of 20 years from now. All of us gathered in his family’s living room… laughing together. Snorting, poking, one-upping. Judging by what I’ve been seeing, I think we have a really good chance at that.

***There is still time to enter for a chance to win a package of Candy Cane Oreos!!! Go here for details!

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