Not only am I the internet, but…

I can check another item off my bucket/life list:

√ Be one of the celebrity names drawn and acted out in a game of celebrity charades!

DONE.

I was talking to Stacey today. An aside: She is breaking the hearts of people for miles around because she and her family are moving to Portland andhowwillweevergoonwithouther???!!!

*boohoo*

Here’s a picture of Stacey and I and our signif oths… just keepin’ it real back in the day…

APRIL 2010, YA’LLL!!!

Don’t mess. Our friend Andrea had b-day scavenger hunt… and we were a team. We were intimidating the competition. Our team name? TEAM LIQUID NAILS.

*squirt squirt*

Don’t mess with Team Liquid Nails.

Clearly.

Aaanywho. She was telling me about the time she played celebrity charades with some friends… and then I, in my usual never-thinking-of-myself tone I added, “OOOH! My life goal is to one day be a celebrity so someone can play me in celebrity charades!”

AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHE SAID???

“OH MY GOSH YOU WERE!”

And I was all, “Nuh-uh!”

And she was all, “Uh-HUH!”

Apparently some very smart, savvy, attractive person at that party added my humble, meek name to that bowl-o-celeb names.

Now I just need my EGOT.

I just wish I had been there to see who had to act me out. So I could apologize.

Unrelated,

I made a hedgermelon!

That Pinterest has me making watermelons into hedgehogs.

OK.

That’s all.

Peace and sparkles! And may all your dreams come true and whathaveyou.

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Yet another dream come true… is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

I will often tell people I am not creative. I am a WAY better copy cat.

*meow*

I would say I am far more CAPABLE than CREATIVE. And I am O.K. with that. I can do just about anything… I just need someone to tell what it is I will be doing.

EXCEPT FOR YESTERDAY Y’ALLS!

My kids are in a summer camp this week. And as all good summer camps do… each day has a theme. As much as I love to accessorize and such… I really don’t like to have to do it on a schedule. I am more of a “as the mood hits” kind-of gal… Or a random party.

Simply put, I am ill-prepared to accessorize according to a theme on a schedule, especailly when it involves people other than me (i.e. MY CHILDREN – FOR 5 DAYS STRAIGHT).

Aaanywho…

I realized it was crazy hat, hair and sock day 15 minutes before we had to leave Monday morning.

Great way to strat the week, ehh? The guilt. The pressure…

My mind raced. I saw images. I saw PIPE CLEANERS.

BOOM, I say… BOOM:

Friends. I have spent a good deal of my career as a mother feeling like my lack of on-demand creativity makes me less-than a mother.

But… every so often… there is a shining moment.

And based on the picture above… I nailed it.

Want a closer look? OK!

Here’s what you’ll need (a Crazy Pipe Cleaner Hat Tutorial):

• Pipe cleaners
• Hands to bend and twist said pipe cleaners

Please… please… hold your applause until the end…

OK. You can clap now.

*wink*

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$100 Visa gift cards are AWESOME… so is the Facebook app I reveiwed – Check it out here, ya’lls!

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There really is a creative (mad?) genius inside. is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

to tout, to share to blather on and on and on about…

I thought I’d do a round-up of sorts… from my brushes with fame (not brushes OF fame, that would be weird), to $100 Visa gift cards, to possibly winning a scrapbook… There are things.

A good number of things to share. Did you know that by the end of the year, by the power of Greyskull, generous brands and the power of BlogHer… my review site will have passed out over $3000 in cash and prizes?!

#truestory

On tap currently:

• Staying Fit and Fighting Holiday Temptations for $150
• V8 V-Fusion for $100
• My story about riding a sleigh with Samantha Bee, courtesy of eBay…
• I narrowly escaped a wasp attack while on the phone with the one and only Joel McHale of “Community”…
• The story of a successful diaper drive…
• And an opportunity to win a photo book from ScrapBlog! Yes. I got crafty, but did it ALL online!

I think that’s it. Well, except for the time I had to sit in for Wolf Blitzer.

Dear Mercy. How is it that Kathy Lee Gifford still has a job? Clearly… the news studio is my color.

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So Much, So Much is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

So. I have this friend… Laurie (a.k.a. Tip Junkie), and we were chatting on the tele the other day.

Laurie and I have shared some really good times..

And add Mom Spark into the mix… Whoa Nellie!!!

[picture credit: Amy/Mom Spark]

Aaanywho… Laurie and I were talking about intentions (we talked about that Amy too!) and goals and growing and moving forward and business online-ness and all kinds of stuff that leaves a girl feeling all “mountain toppy”…

And then she was all, “You know… you should make a LIFE LIST!”

And that young Laurie has a way of making lists sound perky.

And then she told me her list consists of things she’d like to attain/do/accomplish by the time she’s 40.

And then I reached for my cane to hit her got real frustrated because she has several more years to work on her “By the Time I’m 40 Life List” than I do.

I USED TO BE THE YOUNG ONE!

!!!!!

But I digress {brows furrow}.

I figure since I’m not getting any younger… and the thought of turning 38 (shhhh, don’t tell Hollywood!) actually made my belly churn today (like it did that one time before I went bungee jumping)… I figured I should make this list before I need bifocals I can’t find.

Sidebar: my 5 year old asked how old I was going to be. When I fessed up and told her 38 she FREAKED, “THIRTY. EIGHT???!!! THAT’S MORE THAN ALL THE KIDS IN MY WHOLE CLASS!!! THAT’S FREAKISHLY OLD AWESOME!”

In that moment I swear I felt every one of my bones degenerate as each consonant she shrieked pounded my frail, old ears… and my dentures almost fell out.

But I digress… Life List…

I’m not sure how many things should be on a life list. Since this life list has a 2 year focus… Focus? What does that even mean? Isn’t that a car?

Dunno.

In random order… Here follows my list of things to PWN by the time I am 40:

• Hit my goal weight if only for ONE day… or at least get close enough to be able to say, “I am only one stomach flu away from my goal-weight!”
• Figure out what my goal weight actually IS.
• Pay off Sallie Mae.
• I’m not kidding. I still have 1 college loan out.
• Guest host SNL.
• Kathy Bates didn’t get an Oscar until she was 42, so…
• They give Academy Awards to SNL guest hosts, right?
• Never give up hope…
• Change my middle name to Hope… for good measure.
• Get a tattoo… that my middle daughter would never see… because it would break her heart for her mama to get a tattoo.
• Or not get a tattoo and use the money for some really hot boots, and take my middle daughter to lunch.
• Or Hawaii.
• Go to Hawaii.
• Go ANYWHERE tropical.
• … paid for in cash OR… *insert your name here if you are in a position to offer a old woman blogger and her husband/family the opportunity to go somewhere tropical via a creative work-relationship or completely free*
• This next one is ambitious… work with a team to bring a women-centered (but not exclusive to the females) social media & creative learning Event of Awesome to the Pacific Northwest.
• Not be afraid that I just stated that.
• Why do I feel like winning an Oscar is more attainable than organizing an Event of Awesome?
• Start a community site for local bloggers.
• I have a URL, just not the time.
• None time.
• But I sleep with a designer.
• Become mayor of a Starbucks. If only for a day… *raises fist to Foursquare & “regulars”*
• Replace stock photos in picture frames in my home with pictures of my family and/or friends.
• Become a rock star.
• Fall out of love with sugar.
• Host a regular segment on a talk show.
• Not unrelated, confirm that “Denial” is not a river in Egypt.
• I don’t think I have the focus time to host an entire talk show… that’ll be on my “before I’m 45 life list”.
• Or on the list of topics to speak with a therapist about.
• Therapy. I hear that’s something people do. Let’s add that.
• By the time I am 40, I will finally understand what aperture is and own a camera that needs me to understand what aperture is. *Nikon, are you listening?*
• Oh, oh! I will be the boss of Photoshop… like Al Capone was the boss of the Mob!
• I already know how to swim, so… I can’t add that…
• But I am wildly afraid of jellyfish and sharks.
• And bees.
• I fully intend to keep being afraid of all three.
• My garage is filled with 2 years of intended garage-sale items. By the time I am 40, it will all be sold, given away or burned (shhhhh, don’t tell the county!)…
• I want to be a more confident public speaker… hitherhencetofore, be a sought-out sthpeaker.
• Figure out something to speak on that people seek-out.
• Fear of bees, jelly fish and sharks?
• I’d like to pay off our house.
• I’m kidding.
• I’m not kidding.
• But it could happen.
• How does the lottery work?
• When a person wins an Oscar, the Oscar people pay the winner’s mortgage off, yes?
• I’m thinking I should make sure I move “therapy” to the top of this list.

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A Life List On Account of Aging and Whathaveyou. is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

I was going to start a little weekly series today — something like “Foodie Friday” in an effort to… to…

Oh, I don’t know. I am just thinking it’s time to write more about cooking. Food. Recipes. And whathaveyou. Honestly, I was inspired to do more with food and cooking by this event.

But then I have a couple of pictures I really want to show-off share.

And my mom always taught me to share. And I always want to do the right thing. I’d feel really bad if I didn’t show-off share and do the right thing.

Ya know?

Where to begin… where to begin…

Let’s just cut to the Nate chase.

I might have been over-sequined, but this Kitsap County girl (can I get a whut-whut from my locals?!) doesn’t get to NYC very often… Hitherhencetofore, had I gone to a waterpark in NYC, I would have wore this top.

Not kidding.

And I know you are all fist bumping your computer screens right now…

Now. The above picture was pretty much born from the loins of Awesome. For me. And Mr. Nate Berkus was supremely gracious. SO gracious, in fact… he not only indulged my request to take a picture with him, but we engaged in conversation and my friend Tonya Staub caught the moment:

I. Know!

Engagement is WAY more meaningful than a posed moment, no?

I may have domiNATEd that convo. Maybe. I tried not to be nervous. I tried not to freak him out. *right eye twitches* I mean, we are all people. I know he is totes people… approachable, unassuming… And when I went up to him, he didn’t flinch a bit! Eye contact! Convo! Double rainbows all the way!

Now, I don’t want this to come across as a post of me slathering flattery like buttah on a pancake. That’s not how I roll. I am more of the Fainting and Hyperventilating and Whatnot. I am just a lot like my 5 year-old… so it was almost as if the whole evening was one big dandelion bloom…

And in the end, I just know the burden of dealing with people’s perception and being a celebrity… I know because I have a shirt… Nate has a show… I have a shirt. We have so much in common

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A Post About Cooking or Nate Berkus? is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

Somebody stop me.

Somebody stop me.

Stop.

Me.

Somebody.

*crickets chriping*

Either nobody hears me (because nobody likes me everybody hates me I guess I’ll eat some worms), OR there is silence from the online masses because they are sitting on their hands… waiting to witness… and are afraid to peep and miss the profundity of  — the following self-portrait video *SMACK* I’munna put down right heeeya.

I choose the latter.

For obvious narcissistic reasons.

I pulled most of the pics I took OF MYSELF in 2009 and made a video, because you care. *eyes go wonky*

Each photo in the video below was taken of me, about me or around me — BY me. Herein lies the most narcissistic of my endeavors and I won’t apologize. I’m sorry. Wait. What did I just apologize for?

I digress.

I was inspired by this video by Julia Roy. And I, in no way am comparing my own existence… my self-portraiture escapade – ifyouwill – to any adorable level of existence of the Digital Girl herself…

I am just a copy cat… *meow*

*licks paws cream off an Oreo*

And before I show you my goods *heh*… I want to give you a resource. A resource you might need in dealing with other people. Not me tho. It’s a video on How to Handle A Narcissist. It has helped me deal with my own children, limelight stealers that they are. *huffs*

Without further ado… Me. In 2009 — May to December, like a romance, really. The pics are not in chronological order… I put them in “creative” order.

Oh. Oh – one little warning… If you suffer from motion sickness – maybe take a Dramamine or watch this sitting next to an open window. I wanted to make still pictures dance… move… LIVE… That’s all… *eyes still tracking wildly*…

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Narcissism On The Spot is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

I have no idea what he is talking about.

My husband, that is.

There I was, working on a video of my self-portraits from 2009. And suddenly I was transported to the part of the movie in Julie and Julia where Julie and her own husband butted heads about her… her… clearly her very important work. But my husband didn’t leave me. Prolly because all five of us were in the car and he was driving. So… lesson: Men if ya gonna pick a fight, wait until you’re not driving. Makes it hard to stomp off in a huff and grab your coat off a chair when you’re going 85 in a 75.

Did you see the movie? It’s the part where Julie’s husband tells her she thinks she’s the center of the universe, LIKE IT WAS A BAD THING.

*rolls eyes*

I yelled at the T.V. screen to Julie. I yelled, “I know your pain, honey! It is SO HARD!”

*that’s what she said* I digress…

I wept for her. For my beloved Julie. For WE. All bloggers, really. I’m empathetic!

SO.

My husband asked, “What are you doing?”

I was all, “DUH! Working on my future world famous video! ME. My 2009 self-portraits.”

His dry reply, “Uh…. NARCISSISTIC?!!!”

Me, “Well. MAYBE. But… My blog IS titled JENNYonthespot. Not EverybodyBUTjennyonthespot.”

Sheesh.

***By the way, I am open. Just send me your photos! I’d LOVE to make a 2010 video. Not narcissistic at all — FANS AND ADMIRERS OF JENNYONTHESPOT — email me!***

You probably thought I’d have the video embedded here, huh?

But you CAN get my blog for your Kindle. Who knew?! You know “they” make it pretter darn easy to be narcissistic. I mean, if I were…

No. Sadly. You are sad, right? Cuz I’m a little bummed myself… It s not finished. Things like this take time. Like aged cheese.

I love cheese.

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Narcissistic Much? is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

I re-wrote the lyrics to the classic Santa Baby as performed by Eartha Kitt.

And then, one evening, I finally found my “quiet place”… a busy Walmart parking lot in a remote part of Utah.

Vernal.

Vernal, Utah.

And IN THAT PARKING LOT — I recorded me singing my new rendition of Santa Baby. Desperate times, people.

This is my letter to Santa. Santa Baby. There are a lot of 7 year-old cool cats out there… sending him letters or visiting him at the mall. Soon they’ll be leaving him cookies! I have competition, and I want to stand out. I want him to know how verrrrry good I’ve been, that I’ll be leaving him cookies too, and Santa… I want you to know how verrry handsome YOU are in that Big. Red. Coat. *RAWR*

I can’t believe I just posted this. I have official lost it. Heh. That was fun… and please note: I never claimed to be like Eartha Kitt, just crazy. Simple and crazy. And glittery. Oh, and maybe sometime awesome, but that’s cuzza the glitter.

Merry Christmas. All silliness aside… Merry Christmas. Times are tight, and sadness abounds.  I believe The Greatest Gift has already been given. May your day be merry and bright… Love, be kind and laugh with others. I hope I’ve been able to help you with that last one
JOTS Code

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Santa Baby and My Christmas List is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

My 7 year old daughter is a creative-type. She often asks to use my phone to take pictures. Or my Flip to take video. One day, Olivia wanted to take pictures of me. I was all, “Becuase you think I’m beautiful?” She was all, “Noooooo!” And I was all, “Eh?” And she was all…

Aaaaanywho…

Here is our photo shoot. It was the most enjoyable photo shoot I’ve been on since my trip to Milan with Vogue last spring.

Olivia wanted me to look natural, yet gorgeous. I was all, “TOTALLY, how about this…” *snap*

And then Olivia said she wanted me to smile and turn my head a little and I was all, “Like this?” *snap* I guess so:

And the she was all, “OK. Mom. Just. Act. NATURAL!” I was all, “M’kay… like, TOTALLY!”

And that was it. I guess she got what she was looking for because she was all, “OK. OK. OK. Wait. OK. Heeheeheeeheeegigglegiggle… Here Mom!”

This all reminds me of the time (2daysago) when I bought a cheap t-shirt (atamajorretailcrapstore) and wore it thinkin’ it was so cool (yesterday) and it is, but then a person of a young age (read: I could be her MOTHER) hear me brag talk about my new find and she was all,  “Hey! That’s a Miley shirt!”

WHU???!!!

SRSLY?

I had no idea. It was just this cute shirt (inlaundrynopic) with a mic on it that I hope to bedazzle someday. And next thing I know I am a 37 year old mother of three buyin’ MYOWNSELF a Miley Cyrus brand shirt. The stores should have lights and sirens to warn us. I mean, if I’m gonna buy MYOWNSELF a Disney pop-princess brand t-shirt… I should KNOW I am buying a ever-lovin’-Disney-pop-princess t-shirt.

It’s so cool tho.

Furthermore… what’s done is done. I can’t turn back time… *cue Cher* neither for me nor the shirt. I hate aging, justsoyouknow. The best thing I can do now is ask Santa for a Bedazzler for Christmas. Ya know. Cuz THAT’s age-appropriate.

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Just Goofin'-off On A Coffee Date With My Daughter is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...

Clearly, this is for Me and J-Bling. Clearly.

Thos sign-mkaer-people are friggin’ geniusses. Geniuiii. Smarty Smartersons.

*Hey! Don’t miss out – I am giving away an fully intact package of Candy Cane Oreos, but you have to leave a comment on this post

*New at My First Fail — Does This Watermelon Make My Butt Look Big?

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Super Star!!! is a post from: Jenny On the Spot * This is what I do...