Jenny On the Spot

So, when I go through a period of “blockage”, I realize I haven’t been looking at life from the right angle. I’m not talking about peering life from the edge of a 90-degree angle… I am discovering I need to look at life - it’s events, my family, my friends, and my community through the eyes of my inner-comedienne.

OK, so I’ll probably never get to join Amy Poehler on SNL as her co-anchor on Weekend Update or play a burnt-out soccer mom next to Maya Rudolph in Bronx Beat. That will just have to remain a dream… but Amy or Maya, if you’re reading… there’s a SAHM with a bachelor’s degree and a teaching credential in social studies who’s waiting for her big break in comedy… See how funny I am! Additionally, some swear that (OK, I may be embellishing the comparison) I may be a long-lost comedic twin of Cheri Oteri… Regardless, I am ready to resurrect the SNL cheerleaders… Go Spartans!

I digress.

Life is funny. There is so much to write about every day - if I view it from the right angle.

Let’s take my first chiropractic visit as an example. My story could simply relay the facts: I got my first adjustment. My back and neck were pop, pop, popped. Additionally, the ribs that were displaced due to a recent volleyball injury were moved closer to the location God intended when he created me.

That story isn’t interesting! And let’s face it, if a story doesn’t make you laugh or cry, or move you in an emotional direction… it just may not be a good story.

Here’s my try at telling a better story…

Ignorance is bliss… until ignorance gives way to revelation, which gives way to humiliation. I didn’t realize receiving a chiropractic adjustment was so physical. Pure ignorance. Had I known… I would not have worn a tank top that was cut a little lower than I typically wear (the sun was out and I was hoping to avoid the “farmer tan”). I went from lying on my front to back to front to back to stretching my arms above my head while lying on my back… all the while I tried to discreetly re-adjust my chosen attire… With. Both. Arms. Above. My. Head… Yeah. No. Even though it’s supposed to be in the upper 70’s tomorrow - I am planning on wearing a turtleneck to that appointment. Maybe two. Maybe a wetsuit.

Why the visit? Sports injury. Yeah, I know. I’m hardcore. Our friends created a rockin’ sand volleyball pit and I couldn’t resist to call of my long lost love. In high school I was called “Wild Woman”… I loved a good dig… no threat to my knees was big enough to keep me from an incredible save. But THIS was a net injury… I jumped up for the kill, while a man-sized teen went for the block. His body kept going through the net… his unrestrained momentum was fully absorbed by the right side of my trunk. He fell to ground. I stood stunned, but shook it off - for I was the old lady and needed to look tough in front of the youngies.

Back to the chiropractor (no pun intended)… my ribs were killing me! Apparently the altercation in the sand displaced a few ribs a bit. So, with each flip I moved as gracefully as a steam roller on a rock obstacle course… groaning and ouching each time I needed my right arm to help negotiate the flips from front to back. Thus, therefore and furthermore… this injury impeded my ability to maintain a personal comfort level of modesty in my very cute, but far-too-low-cut-tank.

The highlight of my visit was when the doctor revealed the results of my x-rays… he said my lower back was *ahem* “INCREDIBLE”.

I know.

Hey, a girl’s gotta angle a compliment from any angle she can… well, angle. I said, “Thank you. My lower back feels incredible.” No. I didn’t say that, but it would have been funny awkward if I did.

The end.

Soooooo, suddenly a regular (and humiliating) trip to the Dr. comes across as it played out in life… funny, embarrassing, entertaining, real. I know. It’s subjective, but I was entertained. Now, if you’ll excuse me… I need to go dig out my winter clothes and find a couple of turtlenecks.