I think… if one considers being considered “pornworthy” complimentary.
And apparently I do.
Oh dear.
Where to start, where to start…
*scratching head*
I helped my friend Lisa lead a little pep rally at a local private school for their upcoming Knowledge Bole Bowl. Go Smart People!!!
Continue reading ‘I Think I Just Got the Greatest Compliment of My Life’
Herefollows the story of my transformation. Because I HAVE been transformed.
How could I have been so blind?
So…. FLAT? See that pic to the left?
Flat. Ish. *YAWN*
It was a humbling journey that placed me eye-to-eye with a Walmart employee. Me. Asking…
Uh. Ex, ex, excuse me…. Ma’am? Uh. Lemme. Oh golly. I can’t believe. Well, I have an event and… Oh my gosh. I’ll just say it — Do you guys sell Bumpits here?
It is no secret I am a huge fan of glitter.
No secret.
I love her. Almost as much as my firstborn son.
Almost. *feels shame*
So. Saturday night I got to get outtathehouse. I went to a costume partay.
picture courtesy Mark Gesellman – Photomatopoeia
I actually don’t know what I dressed up as… an over-aged homecoming queen? Glitter herself? Continue reading ‘Make Me Laugh Monday – Glitter Spray for Crafts Finds a Higher Calling’
WHERE do they get it from?!!!
Oh. Nevermind.
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When I saw this card I said, “Self. Self!! SELF!!!! Look! I don’t think there is a more perfect card for you me we us you!”
A poor picture, we I know But it just adds to the message, don’t cha think?
This is prolly the most beautiful card I have ever almost given to myself. I know me so well.
*wipes tear*
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[Before I launch into whatever I am about to launch into... Take a peek at my new venture - Jenny On The Spot Reviews! All week I am taking a The Crystal Light Water Way Challenge... Each day I will write about my journey toward good hydration. So far (today), all my organs have taken all the water. My poor shrunken dehydrated organs... Anywho, you can read about it by clicking here and there is an opportunity to win a $1000 Visa gift card. Just read through the post to find out how! See ya there and happy hydration!]
Why don’t we put great big “air quotes” around that “online break” part. I think “Chris Farley” demonstrates it best:
Aren’t you curious what I did with all my extra time? Well, I spent a lot of time on my pot business. I still didn’t get email squared away. You may have noticed new posts here, but those were scheduled… I got a lot of laundry done last Monday. Monday only. I made banana snickerdoodles and the ice cream part of ice cream smores.
Continue reading ‘What I Did on My Online Break’
So, I went to the BlogHer cocktail party last night. So did Mrs. Potato Head:
Talk about “LIVIN’ LARGE”… and I hesitate to write what I am about to write, butt… Uh. Mah. Gah. Her butt is soooo BIG!
She was all out on MY the dance floor… Do you see the problem? Lemme spell it out… that “little” spud hogged MY dance floor. I. Know! The nerve. She has no idea. There was one good thing about my spuddly competition… HER butt did NOT make MY butt look big. I was even wearing white pants! (Thanks Darcy for letting me borrow them!)
I think I might have intimidated her with my moves, cuz she left after awhile. Just call me “Alpha-Spud”.
You can also call me “Vanilla”. Because I had the opportunity to rock the mic like a vandal… and got mah hip-hop on. I am pretty sure I lit up the stage and waxed a chump like a candle. Or something. *ahem* I belted out, with such vocal prowess, the highly acclaimed “Ice Ice Baby”. Thank you 3 Giraffes for documenting such an historical moment…
Crazy much?
By the way… don’t miss out on a chance to win a Smooshie and/or a $100 Visa gift card!
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Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…
Of course I want to say that to all my friends of the maternal persuasion! I have a video to share with you… I shared it last year too. It is just supremely funny and what mom can’t imagine THIS scenario panning out in her lifetime…
Hugs and love, my friends! Hugs and LOVE!
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SO. My favorite phrase lately has been a phrase spoken by comedic genius and my imaginary BFF, Tina Fey — “I want to go to there.” Imagine my delight when my husband revealed his gift to me for Mother’s Day:
(Of course there is more Mother’s Day hoopla… but tomorrow… for Make Me Laugh Monday)
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A brief conversation… between me and a total stranger… made me laugh recently. I probably need to set the scene: A local bistro. “Retro night”. Disco ball. Dancing. Lisa. Me. A couple other gals. Our adoring Public.
Over time, I have developed a friendship with the DJ and his darling girlfriend. I know, you are surprised. I am so off-putting. But, you just can’t fight love, and my DJ and his darling love me. I had them at glitter… Aaaanywhos… A few weeks ago there was a serious boogie need, so we headed to the bistro over there to get a bit of a groove on. For the record, it was the same day as my 18 mile run, but I am insane and could not resist the call of the wild groove. It’s an illness. Obviously.
So, we wuz hangin’ with our homies… sharin’ time between the dance floor and kickin’ it fa’ realz up in our “VIP spot” by the the DJ. *delusion of grandeur in full-swing right about now*… I was exiting the dance floor… heading back to my “VIP spot” to catch a breath and re-hydrate. As I walked by, a man tapped my arm:
Man: Excuse me…
Me: Whu? Um… yes?
Man: I’m sorry, but, may I ask you a question?
Me (disoriented because I think I had just finished doing the Roger Rabbit & a shard of glitter may have been lodge in my left cornea): Uh……. ……… …….. yeah…
Man: Do you work here?
My head: Uh… does he want me to get him a drink? Maybe I could get a tip. *light-bulb moment*
Me: Do I work here?! Nnnnnnnneeeeeoooooooooo… *cocked my head crosswise and all* Why???
Man: Oh, I’m sorry. It just… You… You just really get the crowd going out there.
Me: Oh, wow! THANK YOU!
I bowed curtsied limped away (remember: 18 mile run + Roger Rabbit + heels = peg-leg swagga), feeling a bit ashamed proud and tripped up the stairs to get back to my VIP table. And no. There wasn’t a pole. I’m not that kind of girl. It’s not that kind of place.
Aaaaand scene. *clack*
But it makes me wonder… I could use some extra cash… I just don’t… How would I explain a job like that… to my preschool mommy friends… my pastor… my own mother?! “Yeah! I got this great job at the martini bar! I work evenings! I get paid to dance. I work the room. I am an entertainer at a local “establishment”. I am a facilitator of adult fun. I am a dance floor encourager!” Yeah. That’s the ticket.
If you have something funny to share -please do! Add your name and the link to your specific funny post below: Uh…Scratch that. I can’t get Mr. Linky to work… if you have a funny to share, link to it in the comments and if I can get Mr. Liny figured out, I’ll plug ya in when/if I have success…
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