As I began reading Andi Buchanan’s book, It’s a Boy, I noticed a difference between my worldview and many of the authors. I fall in the “conservative” category when it comes to religion, politics, and of course, parenting. I am certainly different if I choose to stop and zoom my lens on “issues”. If I allow myself to refocus and view the landscape, I see our worlds come together. We are all mothers, more specifically, mothers of boys.
I see my heart in the stories that are shared about baby boys, preschoolers, and young sons. I relate to the feelings of concern, the pressures, the joys, and the overwhelming love each mother has for her boy(s). Regardless of differing opinions, the mother’s heart is same. I kind-of skimmed the stories on teen sons because I am half-afraid and half-sad because I know how soon my 6 year-old son will be there. While a mother joys in her son’s accomplishments and growths, she also cherishes the baby, toddler, and preschooler…
My son has been a handful from the beginning. He has always been energetic. During the first two years of his life, most of his “friends” were girls. I’m not sure if these girls were particularly mild-mannered or if my boy was particularly wild; but it was clear that my son was different. By the time he was 15 months old I joined a mom’s group solely for the purpose of finding moms who had boys. I was weary of feeling like I was a bad mom, incapable of “controlling” my child. It was my mission to find a place we fit. I was drawn to this book for the very same reason…
In It’s a Boy, Andi Buchanan does a wonderful job putting together stories of mothers and their sons. The authors offer an array of experiences; all tied together with one common bond - sons.
Karen E. Bender’s essay - “The Bully’s Mother” hit close to home. In it she tells of the biting, hitting and toy grabbing. Though my son was not technically a “biter” he did bite into another boy’s cheek when he was 3. I shared Karen’s feeling of horror, shame… then our first year of preschool. Everyday before sending my son off I would singsong, “Remember, Joel, helping hands, not hurting hands… walking feet not running feet.” I remember always cautiously asking his teachers, “Did he have a good day today???”
Fast forward to present-day. Just like Karen’s son, my son has changed so much from his preschool days. He is far different than I dared imagine. He is still energetic, and sometimes struggles with being gentle, but aggression is no longer his label. He comes home with the “All-Star Kindergartener” paper at the end of every week. After his first day of kindergarten… after the second, after the third, after the sixth… I asked his teacher, “How did he do?” Each time, her report was the same - “He is doing very well.”
Robin Bradford’s piece titled, “Becoming a Boy” tugged at my heart… the final paragraph was especially moving as she creatively expressed how having a son has changed her:
I push off my shoes and stuff in my socks. The water is so cold on my ankles it hurts. As green-headed ducks drift by and the sun glints blades onto the water and three boys with their pants rolled to their knees balance on mossy stones, I step in deeper and cringe. A boy can do that to you.
My son stretches me, makes me cringe. While his choice in clothes and toys and activities all shout, “BOY! - who he is reaches beyond gender. He has pieces of me and my husband and our families in him. He can’t resist light sabers and swords, but he’s been know to throw on a princess dress and snuggle his special stuffed animal - Tiger Baby. Sadly, the other night he said he was too big to snuggle Tiger Baby. However, he decided instead they could sleep next to each other… He is rich with emotion and talked early for a boy (so I hear). Verbal communication has always been one of his strengths. He makes the most incredible sound effects too.
Like the mothers who shared stories in It’s a Boy: Women Writers on Raising Sons, I don’t want to keep him in a box labeled “boy”. Yet in the same breath, I want to embrace the very things I notice that make him different from his sisters. The many things that make him stand out, unique, charming, exasperating… all boy. Thank you Andi for bringing these stories together…
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