Here follows a post all about screenshots. These are select things I see on the Interwebzterhaven that make me LOL or want to text my BFF, “SRSLY???!”
Let’s start with The Facebook. Facebook ads to be specific. It’s like Facebook doesn’t even know me. Like, I’m 37. Whatevs.
And virtual horse breeding? FB, what did I ever do to you? P.S. I have a sensitive gag relfex. OKthankxbai.
Then there’s the devil’s number:
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I am HORRIBLE with names. H to the ORRIBLE.
I am so bad…
*how bad are you?*
I am so bad with names I have SERIOUSLY considered carrying around name tags so I could have them handy. Say like, at my preschooler’s tumbling class or at the coffee shop… my family…
It is that bad.
I believe every person I come in contact with should wear a name badge.
So, imagine my crisis when I visited the dog park for the first time the other day.
Not only were there NEW PEOPLE WITH NAMES *grips chest*… there were DOGS WITH NAMES.
I have never seen a dog with a name tag. Well, on the collar, but no.one.can.read.those!
It was clear within minutes of our visit at the dog park, the people and dogs considered us family.
It was amazing. The licking, the petting…
Continue reading ‘The Confessional – Names and the Dog Park’
Poor Chad. He never had a chance. Apparently the Swine Flu virus has mutated. The CDC may be changing the name of this string of the Swine Flu to “The Ch-ch-ch-Chia Flu”.
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Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…
Because he is not. I found him this morning and coaxed him back up to the house.
I even had most of a post written tellong the world that our cat was dead. Barring actually having a cat corpse to prove it – I had enough circumstantial evidence to make my case: I found a blood-droplet trail a couple of evenings ago; the cat food had not been touched for a couple of days; and also, I had not seen Bob (yes, his full name is Bob Cat) since before finding the blood. Obviously, something had gone terribly wrong.
Heh. I guess cats really do have 9 lives.
I felt so bad for Bob, I let him hang out in my house this afternoon. Bob is an outside cat, but it was clear he needed a little down time. It looks like he was happy to have returned:
Cats.
Continue reading ‘I’m glad I didn’t tell the kids their cat was dead.’
So. My kids and Lisa’s kids were tearin’ up around the house last night. At dinner my 6-year-old, Olivia started callin’ out her homies… “Can I get a whutwhut?” And the other 4 holla’d back… “Whutwhut!” And I was all… I gotta get these kids on tape… except I don’t know how to just voice record so I popped open iMovie and tried to keep the kids out of the frame so as to protect their identities and this is what was captured:
I feel like I need to defend myself… my kids do not listen to that “Whutwhut” song. I do, but I am a bit of a homegirl (I mean, check out my arm pump people… I am an ANIMAL!)… The “whutwhut” actually came from some influence on the Disney channel, and I feel enough shame just from that. But what was funniest to me was the fact that the kids sounded like the “MineMineMine” seagulls in Finding Nemo (found in the first 25 seconds of the following video):
So, in essence, I spent the night with A Flock of Seagulls last night. Back in the 80’s had I started THAT rumor, I’d have been one popular girl…
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Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…
Stop it! You can have the weeds – all 3 acres of ‘em! I have only a select number of potted plants, and those flowers were not lovingly planted and sprinkled with Miracle Gro for you and your belly. I did all that for me and mine-sesses. The flowers are for beautification of my front porch, not for satiation of your appetite, nor for your gestational purposes.
When I walked out my front door this morning – it looked like horticultural massacre! Look what you did to my pretty flowers!!!
Little Deer… I’m here to tell ya, DON’T MESS WITH MAH FLOWERS!!!
Don’t you get all “Bambi-eyed” on me! I’m not falling for it. No more flowers for breakfast!
Do you hear me???
I said… !!! Do. You. HEAR. ME???!!!
Careful my four-legged friends, for if you do not heed my caution – next time I make ground turkey chili (while wearing my Confidence Apron, of course!) – I will make it with VENISON instead.
You have been warned.
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