So I have this friend. Darcy. She’s a personal trainer. She hates me. She loves me. She has a vested interest in my fitness… we share clothes.
No Pain, No Brain
These are some of the things she makes me do.
This is the V-Sit. I have added red to my drawrings to reflect the streaks in my hair. It is not blood, but totally could be because I am so close to dying in these pictures. You don’t even know.
The V-Sit
The v-sit one does not actually attack my obliques (but the Super Pudge part of my belly). I look a lot like a helicopter when doing it. It’s so bad I put cones around me at the gym. Safety first!
Then there are the torso rotations with the medicine ball. You’re *blinking* too… I can sense it.
Torso Rotations with Medicine Ball
You’re not going to believe this next one. Not. Unless you believe that Darcy is out to kill me or lost her mind:
Ball Pikes
I’M NOT KIDDING!!!! NOTKIDDING! NOTNOTNOTNOTNOT!!!!
Who does this?!
She does.
I do.
Death does.
But wait, friends… you. Just. Wait.
Look:
Balance Bar Squats on a Bosu Ball
Now pick your jaw up off the ground. It’s not a good look for you…
So. The Bosu ball squatty balance bar “I’m making my own rainbow because my body is raining sweat” move. This is really hard to draw… I squat and make the balance bar almost-touch-down right then swing up (WHILE ON A BALLLLLL!!!) to center then squat to almost-touch left.
Twelve times.
Each side.
TWICE.
*
This was what happened the first time she made me do this exercise. She’s the laugher in the pic:
Extreme Fatigue
It’s true. I fell. There were contributing circumstances (training session on the heels of painting the kids’ rooms 4 days straight). I have never gone “FULL TIMBER” before, and I have even run a full marathon.
Like I said, Darcy is SICK.
I think that’s partly why we get along so well.
I did not draw out all the stuff she makes me do. One involves me, on my hands and knees, and the cable machine. But I do it. Because I am committed, not to be confused institutional commitment, but I feel I am not as far from that as one might like to feel…
And after the multitudes of balancings and whathaveyou… I am tired. No, full-on fatigued. One would think the final exercise would be kinder, more subdued. Perhaps cleansing breaths and a toe point.
Nay.
This is Darcy.
Mother. Of. Pearl.
Oh Death where is thy sting?
I found it.
Double & Single Leg Squats on Incline (a.k.a. PAIN)
The first time I did these, after doing ALLLLLL the other circus-inspired exercises on my program… I had a gal come up and say,
Are back-flips next?
I said, “No. I am going home to die now.”
I have been dying a slow death for 3 weeks and I will die a little more tomorrow.
And while I am dying, Darcy is at Disneyland with her family… wearing MY jeans!
