Jenny On the Spot: Caffeinated mom, lover of dancing, glitter and glitter.

Are you crying? No? Well, writing that title – a mere 8 words – made my heart volley with emotion.

Joy. Fear. Overwhelm. Blessing. Pain. Recovery. Hope. Purpose. Love…

And it all started with this kid.

That’s my boy. My first-born. My son. A namesake. A compassionate. A comedian. A standard-holder. A promise keeper who holds others to their promises. He values consistency, predictability and laughter. He sees life in black and white, but appreciates quality sarcasm. From the moment I learned a life was growing inside me, I loved him to the very of the edges of my heart… who knew a heart was capable of growing higher edges…

This boy has changed my life. I have risen to such glorious heights and have hit the most painful dark places as a result of “becoming” his mom. Through him I am reminded to laugh more easily. I am reminded to take life less seriously. I am reminded I have every reason to celebrate my life… What a blessing I have been given in my boy.

The first time I ever performed the Heimlich maneuver – it was on him. That day was the worst day of my life. I pray I never have a worse-er one. I pray he never has a worse-er one. I pray for both.

The first time I yelled at a child of my own – it was at him.

The first time I kissed the soft temple of “my baby”, it was his temple.

The first time I breast fed, it was him.

The first time I realized I might not be able to do this “mom thing”… *sigh* My poor little boy… he has no idea the roller coaster we have ridden together.

I am a first born. I understand what he is going through.

“Therapist” anyone?

My first walk in the park with my own child, was with this boy. The first time I had to apologize for my child’s behavior… because of this boy. The first time someone cooed to me, “What an adorable baby!”… I was with this boy. This boy. My boy

He is all boy. He laughs easily. He laughs hard. He would give Count Dooku a run for his money. I am not even exaggerating.

He loves to cook. He loves to write. He glows when he watches his littlest sister (4) play pretend or sing or dance. One of my greatest joys is to watch his joy in her… He is extremely polite, but does get caught up in childhood mania! And that laugh… oh his laugh! He wants to grow his hair long… and has been begging for a puppy.

For his birthday this year, he will get his puppy. We pick it up tomorrow (or by this posting, “today”). The boy is a nurturer. The only regret I have in not having another child is I will not get to see my 10 year-old son love a new baby brother or sister. As I wrote above, he has a compassionate heart. His bent toward compassion was what bit me in the butt during his toddler years. I won’t revisit it here, I have written about it before…

However, you might counter my compassion claim about him if you saw him with his 7 year-old sister. That’s the exception. Arch enemies look to them for pointers – I swear. BUT, push come to shove… big brother has his sister’s back and will shift into “protector” if he sees the situation warrants it. Also, he may vomit if his skin gets within 5 feet of hers. Those two exhaust me.

I am amazed by my son. His heart, his humor, his life. Thank you God for giving me a gift I certainly do not deserve. Thank you for filling my life through Joel. I pray for my compassionate son. I pray for protection of his tender heart. I pray he grows to be a man of integrity. I pray he is like his Daddy and the biggest communication problem his wife has with him will be that he talks too much! I pray his innocence, joy, and sparkle bloom in this world of sadness and conflict. I pray that I make decisions for him that will best fit the bent in his personality and that he will not be like his Mama and take things personally. Just say “NO!” to bitterness, son! I pray, pray, pray… because I know my husband and I cannot go this alone.

I love you Joel. I am proud of you. Oh how my heart delights in YOU!

You ready for that puppy?!!!

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