Jenny On the Spot: Caffeinated mom, lover of dancing, glitter and glitter.

I have not been diagnosed by a medial professional, but if I was diagnosed with a medical condition… it might be ADD. I just…

Hey!

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

I digress…

I know I have not been consistently posting here. That is because I have been posting in a few other places. Because there’s time for all this bouncing about the interwebzzessses. But I love it.

• A very classy post about my underwear is up at Type-A Mom.
• Two new Mom Fail posts are up. If you have a nose picker or your iron has destroyed coveted Girl Scout patches… you might want to take a peek (Thanks to Wendy at Let the dog in! and Lisa at The Blozulfog for your… um… nerve!) *ahem*… I am looking for some new posts to add – calling all Mom Fails! Click here  for more info!
• I have a new post up at Mom on the Spot at The Kitsap Sun, in which I pimp out our local children’s musical theater.
• I made another “video” too. My creativity – it’s exploding people. There is no limit to my insanity mania poor decision-making skills lameness dorkiness video prowess. No. Limit. This video, maybe I should have titled it “NomNomNom…”

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Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

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I suppose I should tell you this is a card I got at Hallmark. It cracked me up… like my butt. I digress…

Speaking of skinny people… I have battled with weight issues all my life. I think I started a “modified eating plan” back in second grade. I wore the “Pretty Plus” sizes most of my tween and early-teen years. I NEVER wore a single digit size as a teen. I am probably in better physical condition now than I have ever been in my life. But I do not consider myself “skinny”. If I told you my height and corresponding weight, you’d be all, “Yup. Not skinny.” I do not see a “skinny” girl when I look in the mirror. Though… to be honest I am the most comfortable in my own skin since… honestly, I don’t know that I ever felt as comfortable in my own skin until recently. And though I feel fairly comfortable, I still tug at my shirts and poke at those pesky skin rolls…

So, recently, a friend mentioned that her mom identified me as “Oh, the skinny one?”.

*blinking*

I nearly pooped my pants.

You don’t even know.

I wanted to french kiss her mom.

Instead I told my husband about this fabulous compliment! Do not get mad at my husband. You might feel what he said (see below) was a HORRIBLE comment. But it wasn’t. We both nearly fell on the floor in laughter, and I think I even gave him a High 5 for his keen wit.

Me: Dude. My friend, my, my, my friend….  said her mom called me “the skinny one” today!!! Dude! … DUDE!!!!  *holds arms out and looks self up and down with approval*

Hubs: *with one side of his upper lip lifted* Skinny??? Compared to WHO???

You have to admit, that was pretty good. He went all Michael Scott on me!

Of course, this was on the heels of this convo regarding a new band he discovered and wants to play the guitar just like the guitar-guy. I suppose I deserved it….

Hubs: Hey! I found a new band that I love! Listen. I want to do music like this!

Me: Oh baby!!! You can TOTALLY play like that! They aren’t very good!

Good thing we found each other. No one else would ever have us.

Before I begin, I should probably mention… I am going to can MMLM. *winces*

I am getting “performance anxiety”. This doesn’t mean I am going to quit “funny”… no… I will never quite “funny”. I’ll quit “funny” when I quit breathing. I just have found I am not able to be the funny I want to be on a schedule. Also, the Mr. Linky thing is a pain and… yadda, yadda, yadda…

However, today is Monday, so I’m gonna post my last “official” MMLM post. SO… Awhile back I confessed to you all that I have a certain shirt I do not wear in public. In the comments, most folks encouraged me to wear it out. Today, I was feeling lazy and maybe I was up for a bit of a social experiment. Besides, it was early enough in the day… so I knew not too many folks would see what I wore:

Continue reading ‘Make Me Laugh Monday – Frosting’

After many months of thinking and dreaming and being too busy and doing a little of this and a little of that… my dream has finally come true! I could spend all kinds of words explaining, but instead… maybe you could just go visit my new blog –> Mom Fail {If at first you don’t succeed, you might be a mom}

Now. Mom Fail is not a site all about me. No. That’s what Jennyonthespot is for *wink*. The vision I have for Mom Fail is to see stories from moms all over the earth to bring their stories… to share the *ahem* unique experiences that the role of “mom” brings. My husband asked if dads could contribute too, and I said, “Oh, O.K.” So dads, feel free to “bring it” too!

I’d love to see Mom Fail grow in such a way that will showcase great, hilarious stories of motherhood, help us discover new friends in the great-big blog world, and bring new eyes to stories that may not have been found. Please take a peek. If you have a story that still needs to be written or a story/picture you have already posted… or a story you read at another blog — please visit the “Submit Your Stories” link at Mom Fail.

In the famous words of Bartles and James, “Thank you for your support!”

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This is loosely titled. I am writing with two glasses of wine pulsing through my veins, and am not feeling….

Whu… Did someone say cookies? No. Maybe I heard, “Warm blanket and sleepy-sleepy.” 

Huh?

Aaaaaanywho. The following video is an exercise in utter self-obsessionismness. Shshjshaj. And such. It’s all about me. My face, my shoes, my coffee, my dancing… over the last year — May to May. May? I dunno, just go with it… These are all (mostly) pics I took of myself or extensions of myself with either my iPhone or computer camera. 

I was inspired. I saw Julia Roy’s year in review video, and I was all, “Hey! I have pictures!” And then I was all, “MEOW! MEOW” Cuz I’m a copy cat. And then I was all, “She’s adorable, and her glasses rock!” And then I was all, “I may be no Julia Roy, but… yeah… I’m no Julia Roy.”

*2 glasses. I should be under a rug*

Then I had to decide on a song to make my pictures dance to. I decided against Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake because I felt that would be too vain. So, after much consideration I decided on Right Said Fred’s I’m Too Sexy. See? That song is SO much less assuming. And now, I present to you, more of Me. I’m going to regret this post in the morning, aren’t I?…

A Year of Self Portraits: Jennyonthespot from Jenny Ingram on Vimeo.

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*drumroll*

Oh. What is this all about? This is about who is winning a custom-made Swine Flu Mask! What? This is your first time here and you don’t know what athe heck this is about? Go here to see the video.

At any rate… You want to know who the WINNAH is, right……

Without further ado…

I give to you…

The WINNAH…

Of the much-anticipated…

Swine Flu Mask giveaway…

Without further ado…

Really…

No. Really….
Continue reading ‘And the winner is…’

I know, I know, I know!!! You are all waiting to find out who the Swine Flu Mask WINNAH is… I don’t know yet! I am soooo sorry! I will have the results tomorrow! I have been partying it up in real-style with mah Viking and crazy Norwegians here in faux-Norway. Our Viking Fest  is this weekend and the sun is out and living in the Pacific Northwest — when the sun makes an appearance — we all stand at attention. All responsibilities go to pot, and like ants to sugar, we Pac North Westies stand out in the rays and go, “Oooooh…. Ahhhhhhh…” and lap in the sweetness of it’s warmth.

In the meantime, this post in inspired by my friend Shayne, who, is known locally for her “word issues”. She has an EXTENSIVELY long list of words that gross her out. I remember having dinner at her place, oh say, a year ago (oooh, time for you to feed us again!)… standing around the fire pit… enjoying a loooooong discussion about all the words that made us squeem. Then today, I peek at Shayne’s Facebook status and it read:

Just added the word “snippet” to words that gross me out. Other words you ask? Foamy, frothy, moist, rotisserie, the P word, the V word, (cannot even type them apparently). The best word you ask? Splice, definitely splice. I know I’m a freak. Anyone else have words they can’t stand, or totally love?

I would say, I am pretty on par with her little list there… really it is “little” compared to her full list. “Rotisserie” ??? Oh. My. Heck! Shayne, gurl… ya kill me! Now the word “rotisserie” is ruined for me!!!

My contribution to her wall? GARNISH. My newest gross-out word has been GARNISH. It just feels wrong, doesn’t it? I also am a bit uncomfortable with cabinet. Not sure why. Annnywho…. Of course there is the long-standing business and junk, but those 2 words just make me snicker. 

In the words of my friend Shayne, I ask you… Anyone else have words they can’t stand, or totally love?

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It’s true. I am going to give away one of my prized Swine Flu Masks. Yup. No lie.

I have wrestled with whether to let one of my hand/mind created originals go. The struggle is not unlike Picasso might have experienced… We creatives… and our “work”.

However. 

I want to be a resource for My Public. When I heard about the first celebrity fatality of this vicious flu *sniffle* I knew I had no choice. Please, if you have a weak stomach, don’t look. It is quite disturbing:

Thank you, Jill, for sharing this breaking story with me… US…

Friends. I am concerned. I care about you, and that is why I am going to give one of my *clears throat* unique *clears throat* Swine Flu Masks to one of YOU. This has nothing to do with Me. Oh golly… if enough interest is expressed… who knows what I might do. I’m a giver. But there are TWO things at the forefront of my mind as I think about this here Swine Flu and those there masks:

1. Your safety. Your health. I want you to be Swine Flu free. I do. *nods convincingly*
2. Your fashion. I can’t have on of MY Peeps goin’ out in public in a plain mask. No. You have a friend in me. *nods again*

Hithertohencetoforth… this Swine Flue Mask Giveaway!!! Here is how it will work… Decide which mask you would choose were you declared “WINNAH!”. If you have not seen the video, please take a gander and decide which mask is the best fit for you:

Now. Leave a comment here telling me which mask you would like, and why (the “why” part cuz it will feed my ego and my ego has been very, very hungry lately *chompchomp*)… Now. If you would like to increase your odds, you could Twitter a link to this post OR the video above, but if you do, please make sure you add @jennyonthespot in your tweet so I can verify. I will miss it otherwise, and then I won’t be able to add it! You can comment and tweet as much as you want, but since I have remedial math skillz, I will only count one comment and one tweet per person. Am I making sense? *blinks*

Legal: I got the masks over there at the Home Depot. All the pharmacies were sold out. So, not only can you protect yourself from Swine Flu, you can protect yourself from paint fumes and sawdust. Also, I have breathed in all of the masks. But that’s a bonus. Additionally, Lucy may have worn a mask or two as a hat. I checked for lice and we’re good. Lastly… the WINNAH! will also receive a can of glitter! That’s just an extra touch. I am all about extra touching. Um. That came out wrong. Oh, I will close entries at, let’s say noon on Friday… Ready, set….

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I had intended to post about all the hilarity of my children’s hand-made Mother’s Day gifts… until I heard about the dream my sister-in-law had about me. 

You want to know what she dreamed? Here, I’ll give you a list to choose from:

1. I made it to Broadway, landing the lead in Wicked.
2. I beat Elle McPherson in a modeling contest. 
3. I won a hot dog eating contest. 
4. I won a row of cake eating contest.
5. My family had to have an intervention to re-socialize me because I was spending too much time online.

If you picked #4, you very well could have been right. But you’re not. It was #5. 

*blinking*

Oh dear. It would appear it appears to my family I Have been chatting online with hot babes all day. Every day. Lucky. Me. SRSLY. I don’t see it. Really. No. Really.

The dream… Continue reading ‘Make Me Laugh Monday – She Had a Dream’

Of course I want to say that to all my friends of the maternal persuasion! I have a video to share with you… I shared it last year too. It is just supremely funny and what mom can’t imagine THIS scenario panning out in her lifetime…

Hugs and love, my friends! Hugs and LOVE!

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SO. My favorite phrase lately has been a phrase spoken by comedic genius and my imaginary BFF, Tina Fey — “I want to go to there.” Imagine my delight when my husband revealed his gift to me for Mother’s Day:

(Of course there is more Mother’s Day hoopla… but tomorrow… for Make Me Laugh Monday)

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Continue reading ‘Happy Mother’s Day!’