Jenny On the Spot: Caffeinated mom, lover of dancing, glitter and glitter.

I am just a regular gal with a regular life… As much as I claim I am “made out of Awesome”, I pick my nose pass gas eat grapes fed to me by my pool boy trip up the stairs while wearing socks with my flip flops just like the rest of you. As much as I think I have made great gains in my placement on the “cool meter”:

Ehhhhh…. notsomuch.

You see. I am a mom. There is neither dignity nor poise nor height nor depth — to the extent that “cool” will never again be an option for this minivan drivin’, baby-wipes carryin’, snot-sleeve wearin’, “BuckleyourselfuprightnoworI’mGONNA…” yellin’ woman.

You see, just when you think it’s safe… your kid almost pulls your pants down in a parking lot. True story. OR you turn your “stupid” up to “high” and take your two year old while you are trying on swimsuits. Again, true story. 

I should know better…. I’m feelin’ “cool”… I have some color in my hair, a little spring in my step and my jeans are not cutting off my circulation this particular week. I believe I even saw birdies outside my bedroom window yesterday hanging English Ivy and twinkle lights… mice were in my sewing box, gathering needles and thread so they could take care of my mending.
 

*screech!*

Enter my 3 year old daughter Lucy… my 42 pound dose of reality. And there ain’t nothing like a 3 year old, her honesty, and a Mama sans clothing… 

Lucy: Mama?

Me: Mmmmmwaht? *cold chills down spine*

Lucy: What are those bwack fings on oor wegs (black things on your legs)?

Me: *rolls eyes* Veins.

Lucy: Are those for Mamas???

Me: Mmm-hmmmmmmpfffff. Ffffffff.

*****

As if that wasn’t enough I needed to shower — in the afternoon… We had eaten at a Mexican restaurant for lunch. For some reason, I am like a friggin’ odor sponge and I couldn’t get rid of that “deep fried salsa” smell. So… I decided to shower and get back that “human” smell. I did try to throw myself in the dryer with a dryer sheet, but that just gave me bruises and a quite the headache… I digress…) Aaaanywho.

Now, sweet little Lucy takes afternoon showers quite often… … … after she pees her pants, pees the floor, pees the couch, pees the car seat, pees the everything… you get the idea… Can you imagine what she thought about MY afternoon shower?

Lucy: Mama????

Me: Mmmmmmmwaht? *eye twitching*

Lucy: Did you pee oor panties, Mama?!

Do I really need to answer that? 

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Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

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