I love reading the search keyphrases that bring people to my site. I also gag a little at times because, well… let’s just say the Internets has gots some creepies trollin’ around out there. I try to craft phrases so as to keep the freaks at bay, but sometimes a creep is just a creep no matter how innocently I write about a slipper. It’s true.
But onto the good stuff. Here is just a sampling of search phrases that drive the public to my little home here on the world wide interwoven web of information (sans the ones that make me feel dirty). Some of these make me laugh, and some just drive me to provide answers. Obviously I have something these folks need, and if My wisdom will make the world a better place, far be it from me to keep the world from becoming better. Without further ado, select searches and my commentary:
what happens when a nine year old cracks her knuckles? - A tree falls in the forest, but no one can hear it.
jokes about strawberries - Two strawberries were sitting on a fence swinging their legs back and forth… One strawberry said to the other, “Wait a minute. We don’t have any legs.”
concept of time - BWAAAAAHAhahahahahahahaaaa!!!
sumo spitting mistress - This is a case in which I actually gag.
chubby girl jeans - This is a case in which I feel judged and attacked. *opens box of cookies*
mayflower ship craft for kids - Aha! It is actually called The Cauliflower…
how to spawn a car on the spot - Hmmm… ya’ll? I’m at a loss.
how to spot personality disorders - Hey! Should I feel offended?
how to spritz glitter - Do not look directly into the glitter spray nozzle… I repeat: DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY INTO THE GLITTER SPRAY NOZZLE!
spot crazy blogher - You know it. That’s right.
does chuck norris bleed? - No. He MAKES blood bleed. Duh!
a pic to make my friend laugh - I dunno, this one made ME laugh. Maybe it will make your friend laugh.
butt cake molds - No. Shame on you.
i have a story just call me jenny - This blog. My story. You hit fool’s gold here, My searcher friend… fool’s gold.
popped blood vessel in neck warmth - 2 things: 1) How’d my site come up & B) who searches for this stuff???
how to make monday fun day - Visit Jennyonthespot on Mondays!
child who spits - Mine. All 3. It can be like friggin’ rain forest around here some days.
dose the tooth fairy take the day off - At our house she does. She is actually “off” more than she is “on”.
why does the tooth fairy have wings? - Seriously? Did some really search that? There is just some knowledge we are born with. This is one of those cases. Even I can’t help this person.
people wearing glitter spray - O.K.
multiple personality disorder when drinking - Are you talking about the state of being “drunk”? That is not MPD. Or are you talking about “beer goggles”? That has nothing to do with personality. I would call that more of a visual-judgement disorder… It can be pretty serious, I understand.
you can’t make me laugh in 30 seconds - Oh yeah?
pictures of cheerleading outfit failures - Ouch. That cuts deep.
toddler jurrasic park screech - You really want to hear that? You are seriously off. You really asked for it…
how to tickle the belly and keep it warm - Rum. Vodka…. Hard Liquor… to name a few.
adult adhd poor boundaries - So, what are you trying to say. Just because I probably have ADHD doesn’t mean - can I have fries with that shake?…
kevin bacon god - Duh.
i love you butt - Whut the whut? How the heck?
how to tie sweat pant knots - Can you tie your shoes? We may need to start from the beginning. Did you go to kindergarten?
easy as pie my ass apron - Bwahahahahaaaa!!! No. Kidding. Want one? Go here.
show me something funny to make me laugh - You people are relentless!
Your turn! Who’s in? Use the Mr. Linky code below, and let’s get laughin’!
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Oh, I love my searchers. Today I see someone found me by searching for “fun things to do with testicles.” Awesome!
hehehehe. I like that video.
Super scary people out there in the universe…just what are they thinking? I love how you talk back though :-)
My searchers are always soooo boring. Like “My four year old cut her own hair”. *sigh*
I found some funny pictures and am participating in MMLM this week *pats self on back*…
how to spawn a car on the spot…. crazy searcher asks what????
This is the most fun I’ve had on a monday :) thanks!
I always have a good chuckle when I read your Monday posts…and everyone else’s too. :)
Never enough laughter in the world to suit me.
what fun post-ers! And commenters too! JD - I have not listed quite a few queries… not only to protect your mind, but to protect mine! Good night, some people are seriously sick. I sometimes wish I could track some of them and report them. And I will leave it at that. It is In all seriousness, sometimes I get rather disturbed. I’m glad those instances are rare.
Those are just hilarious!
I am just catching up… OMG Some of those are pretty out there - that is so awesome that you can see those. The cheerleading one made me laugh, and then I saw that dancin’ picture of you in my mind again and laughed even harder.
Thanks for the laugh, Jenny - shoulda came over yesterday for it!! =)
OK seriously, that got me to thinking again - where is your DANCING VLOG?!?!?! =)
Whew!!! Mr. Linky is back up! Yay! Thank you guys for playing… you TOTALLY make my Mondays!
Maggie… my dancing vlog? I’m thinking it would have to include extreme intoxication:)
You get so many hits the police have you on speed dial. You’re so popular Paris Hilton misses you and she doesn’t even know you..yet. You are so bootylicious Beyonce wants butt implants.. no wait.. that’s me.
Girl, I have been wanting to do a post like this but all my searches seriously skeeve me. There are things mothers and daughters and sisters should NOT be doing to each other. I’ll leave it at that.