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Monthly Archive for November, 2008

Back to “normal”.

What a relative term… “normal”. My friend Sheila made a comment about a few recent posts that have taken a more serious tone. She has come to depend on my silliness, and she misses it. I really can’t blame her. I kind of miss my silliness too. Also, I have come to depend on Sheila’s readership individual daily impression(s) for the monetization of my blog friendship. So, Sheila, my much-adored friend with random green locks of hair… this post is for you. Mwah and mwah!

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It has been awhile since I have done any Butt Series posts. Of all the ridiculous, this particular, randomly posted feature is probably the most ridiculous. Of all my ridiculousnesses…sessseses, and such.

I do believe the timing is right for a Butt Series post – being on the tail-end (heh, pun…) of a holiday of feasting… A holiday centered on stomach stretching and stretchy pants. In observance of this American phenomenon I give you The Butt Series: A Thanksgiving Edition.

If I eat both of these pies… will they make my butt look big? What if I only use half a tub of whip?

Continue reading ‘Back to “normal”.’

All for a measly 20% off?

Black Friday. Ironic. You know, that plague back in the 14th Century? It also had the same descriptive… “black”. The Black Plague was also called the Black Death. Just something to ponder…

I decided a while ago to NOT join fellow consumers this year on saving lots of money I would not have spent otherwise. I decided to sleep instead. Also, the thought of being shoulder-to-shoulder with rabid humans kinda made my stomach turn. I’ve been out there before, and pretty much just enjoyed goofing-off with my girlfriends while stocking up on socks. BUT! I HATED the behavior and mindset of many of the people I was having to share my physical comfort zone with. 

*Disclaimer: I know many of my friends here DID partake of this shop-stravaganza, and had I decided to go, you would have been those gals I’d have been goofin’-off with… Debating whether the deal stated was really a deal, or if I should go for the stripey socks or the polka-dot ones… It is THE public that makes me crazy, not MY public :) 

I was scrolling through my Twitter updates on Black Friday evening, when I happened upon a link given by Queen of the Click… you have probably already heard about it —–> The Black Friday Walmart tragedy. These pictures capture some of the mayhem.

*Looking at the pictures remind me of the Pink Floyd concert I went to at the L.A. Coliseum back in ‘94. We got stuck in one of the massive tunnels as the concert was beginning… I remember feeling truly afraid for my life as the people in the back of the tunnel “panicked”… because they were missing the beginning. I felt pressed and helpless for several minutes. I remember thinking, “OMG, how on earth do I get out of this… Just keep calm… Are these people REALLY acting like this? I could actually die in here!” 

After reading the Walmart article… looking at the pictures, did you take a step back, scratch your head and ask, “Was this in the Mighty U.S. of A.?” I know this is not the first of this type of tragedy. Which makes this even more… tragic. I cannot stop thinking about it. I cannot stop wondering how we as a nation have come to this point. 

In the United States we do have wide gaps… the desperately poor and the disgustingly rich. We live in a country with extremes ranging from homeless children in our own God-fearing, red, white and blue neighborhoods to people boarding their pets at The Four Seasons. However, if we weigh rich and poor, country to country – we are golden here in the U.S. When it comes to our country as a whole, WE are not desperate. I feel guilty making such a sweeping generalization about my country, especially since I have room to breathe in my budget, but it really is true. We are a lucky People. We are a blessed People. We have not come to this:

Thanks to Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer for posting this video on her blog. This video is from months and months ago… but it gives a shockingly clear picture of where We, as a country, have never been. So, when I read articles about store employees being trampled to death in the United States of America by deal-hungry savages, I lose my frickin’ lunch. My heart aches – for the victim’s family, for my country. These mindless shoppers weren’t fighting for FOOD or WATER or standing against GENOCIDE… they were all going to spend more than they intended… and save a measly 20% on a game system for Junior or Missy to shove under the tree.

Shameful. Makes me sick. Absolutely.

And as I sit here typing away, in my warm-ish home, in stripey socks and cozy sweatpants, with my television on… Beyonce is dressed in sparkly gold, rolling in gold, gold and more gold, seducing me and The public to upgrade. Does that advertising really work? Really? Truly? I may need a barf-bag.

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Laying Low

Still in tryptophan-induced coma. I don’t even know who is writing this post right now.

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A Thanksgiving Vlog

I have a real post about what I am REALLY thankful for… scroll down to the next post. Happy Thanksgiving, my friends and lurkers :)

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On Thankfulness

This time of year tends to bring a time of reflection… a time of examination. This holiday, in particular brings out the “I’m so thankful” attitude… A holiday with a name like THANKSgiving will lead a person to behave in such ways… 

I have so much to be thankful for, yet I find I behave like spoiled brat. I fail to be thankful when I whine about my tepid cup of coffee… as there are people fighting wars for a drop of water. I fail to be thankful when I complain about my aching muscles because I HAD to work out extra-long because I have access to way more food than I will ever need… Meanwhile, a father works his fingers raw to maybe bring home enough grain for the day. I fail in thankfulness when I feel exasperated by my children, and meanwhile mothers mourn the loss of a child. I fail when I curse the broken washer because I have 4 loads to do, while a young girl washes her one article of clothing in a river. There are wars, famines, natural disasters, hardship, unimaginable atrocities… and I have no idea what is really going on out there.

Ya know?

Despite my shamefully frequent oversights… I AM deeply thankful for my life and the delightful fruit that fills it. I feel I am one of the richest women in the world when it comes to the important stuff. I am thankful for my incredible family, my good health, a warm home, an education, freedom to vote and complain, and I have had the unique blessing of having incredible friends throughout the course of my life… I am dumbfounded. 

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday… and are dumbfounded by the richness in your lives.

I am all about the rules, except for when the rules don’t work for me.

Because it is all about Me. Wait. Or is it all about You voting for Me? ——————–>>>>>

Now onto the meme (pronounced like the -eme in “theme”, not like saying “me” twice). Nancy over at Marie Millard tagged me. I like memes — mostly because that 1 word has my favorite word in it twice! I had the lovely opportunity to meet Nancy at BlogHer ‘08 last July. She was one of the first gals I met, and we connected instantly. Fast friends. Gotta love it. Our last night in San Francisco — Nancy, Jen and I headed to the Starlight Room – a swanky club on the 21st floor the Sir Francis Drake Hotel. It was loud and packed, and the view was stunning… *reminiscent sigh*

The meme. I am supposed to go to my 6th picture folder and find the 6th picture and pray I remember the details and I am not using commas and tag 6 others…

Hmm. I have been to almost every 6th of 6th possible category in  iPhoto and am just not finding one that is sharable. So, I’m gonna break the “rules”. I counted backwards and just chose my 6th-to-last photo. And the winner is…

That’s mah girl, Lisa on the left. Ya know, my V.P. in our Dance Party. We were doing a bit of campaigning. The cutie in the middle is Shelly. I’ve known her from the kids’ bus stop for a long time… I never knew she had such mad skillz on the dance floor. Bravo, Shelly… BRA. VO! And then there’s me, sportin’ my usual red nose. Rudolph may need to fight for his job this Christmas. Money’s tight, and  I’m not above leading Santa’s sleigh for a little extra cash… I just gotta figure out that whole “flying” thing.

Oh golly. Want another pic? Of course you do. It’s not the rules, but I’m feelin’ all rebelly. Besides, I HAVE to share this one with you. Apparently my righteous grooves made an impact on the band, ‘cuz I found this polaroid from the Afros at my table after I came back from powdering my Rudolph nose… I am so used to this kind of attention. It is rather commonplace, really… for me.

OK. I give. One more. But only because you asked…

“You. Complete. Me.” I know…

At this point I should be tagging 6 people. However, with all the awardage and linkage happening, Miss Jenny is going to need to pass. But perhaps I can get 6 volunteers? Just leave a comment and I promise to come by and swoon…

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Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

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The Bloscars (Blog Awards Extravaganza!) – Part 2

Way back in July, Katia at Crazy for Trying, gave me this award: Este Blog premia el arte y la creatividad! Then in August, the gals at 3 Giraffes also gave me this award! This award is given to stunning individuals who bless the blog-world with their creativity, design, interesting material, and also for contributing to the blogging community. These awards make me feel all philantrophy-ish… -phu… -phi… -pho… fum??? They also make me feel thankful, so thank you both for choosing me for this award!

In order for me to claim my awardS, I have to follow the rules. I am such a slave to rules… I think in some cultures I might be considered a goddess for that… I digress…

Continue reading ‘The Bloscars (Blog Awards Extravaganza!) – Part 2′

Make Me Laugh Monday – A Celebration of *ahem* Dance

Props to The Blozufog for leading me to the following video. I saw it DAYS ago, and I am still laughing. You have no idea how hard it was for me to hold this until today. No. Idea. I love you so much — yes, YOU — so much. It has been such a sacrifice of love to save it for The. Perfect. Time. *sigh*

I don’t even have to be watching the video for me to laugh about the video. For when I am driving in the car… I laugh. Walking down the street… I laugh. Plucking my eyebrows… yes, more laughing (which is, in fact, quite counter-productive whilst plucking). Right now, as I write… I am laughing… *wipes river of laughter tears from supple, flawless cheek*

Why is this video so funny? I dunno, maybe it reminds me of a time in my own bedroom. I digress…


Continue reading ‘Make Me Laugh Monday – A Celebration of *ahem* Dance’

The Bloscars (Blog Awards Extravaganza!) – Part 1

Over the last few 6 months, I have been literally showered with blog awards. I have “accepted” most of them by adding them to my Major Awards page. However, posting the fact I was given an award is not proper etiquette, nor does that express full appreciation to the awarder OR the blogging community. Not at all! The spirit of bloggy awards is to appreciate fellow bloggers, and give linky love as a Hippie embraces “free love” … 

Over the next week (or 2) I will be properly accepting, and handing out 7 awards… I could do it all in one post, BUT that would include over 50 links to bloggers I enjoy and admire. If I listed over 50 links in one post… that would just be overwhelming, wouldn’t it? I don’t want them to get lost in a one-post-linky-frenzy! I want my peeps to be recognized and appreciated!

Because there are too many awards to list in one title, this little award-fest has a name – THE BLOSCARS. That’s good, huh? My husband came up with that. He’s so creative… and cute.

*****The Brilliante Premio 2008*****

Bubba’s Sis gave me this one Back in July. Can I just say, I adore this woman. A to the D.O.R.E. You must swing by and tell her I said “hi”….

So… pretty much I’m brilliant(e). In 2008. So much.

Aaanywho… here is how this award works:

1. When received, you may post the Premio to your blog.

2. Link to the blogger you received it from.

3. Give it to 7 bloggers.

4. Link to those 7 blogs.

5. Leave those 7 bloggers a comment about receiving the Brilliante Premio.

I am going to change it up just a little. I am giving this award to 10 bloggers… my top 10 commenters since November 1st! Why? Well, isn’t that pretty darn obvious? Hello?…

  1. It’s November, so that makes sense.
  2. These people visit my blog.
  3. They comment.
  4. How much more brilliant can a person be???
  5. Also, they deserve SOMETHING for consistently enduring my relentless insanity and rabbit trailing…
  6. I love comments. What better way to appreciate those who give to me, than to give to them… MWAH! MWAH! MWAH!!!

Without further ado…

D…. at My Life is Based on a True Story.

Dumblond at Dumblond Utterances.

Kathleen at Forging Ahead.

Jubilee at Notes of Jubilee.

Jen at Preteens, Toddlers, Newborns, Oh My!

Debbie at Suburb Sanity.

Lisa at Blozulfog.

Maggie at Life with 2 Boyz.

The Ladies at Where’s My Damn Answer?

I should add that Bubba’s Sis actually tied with Dumblond, but she already got this award… However, Bubba’s Sis – I’ll have a little something for you later :)

Free advice to parents of preschoolers.

It’s taken me 3 kids and 9 years to figure this one out:

When you need your preschooler to put on his/her shoes, dont ask: “Do you want to put on your shoes?” I am here to testify… JOHNNY WILL NOT WANT TO PUT ON HIS SHOES. Remember, these little people are aspiring nudists. It is up to us to teach them the positive benefits of clothing. It takes effort, mommies and daddies… Derailing the inner nudist is hard work.

However, this piece of wisdom does not only apply to shoes and clothing, but to EVERYTHING: bedtime, food choices, clean-up time…

Even the cutest preschooler with a pretty pink bow on top will politely say, “NO”, and suddenly your need for her to wear shoes becomes negotiable. I implore:

Never open the door to the idea of “negotiable!

If you do, it is possible you will die… if not you, then your principles. Because these little people do not negotiate. They terroroize. The sweet little, “No, fank you.” Becomes, “NOOOOOOOOOO I don’t want to wear shoes!!!!!!!!!! No shoes, noshoesnoshoesnoshoesnosoes!!!!!!!!!!!!” Heads spin… you consider calling a priest, and you’re an atheist! See what happens to your principles… your very belief system?!

I have walked through the fire.  I have lived through it to tell you this: Ante up, lay it on the table…

Kiddo. You’re gonna wear shoes when you walk on the hot coals at our family initiation reunion today. Do you want Mommy/Daddy to do put on your shoes, or do you want to do it?”

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A word on socks. Socks are not necessary. You may not believe that if you are still in the “idealist” phase of parenting. Say it with me,

Socks are not necessary. Socks are are not necessary. Socks are not necessary…

Cut yourself some slack, let something go… The McDonald’s play place rules says socks are required, but they’re lying. If you get through parenting without your child going sockless in a McDonald’s playplace… then you are not real. You are a hologram. Or maybe the Antichrist.

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