Jenny On the Spot: Caffeinated mom, lover of dancing, glitter and glitter.

When a 3-year-old says “I need help!”, she is really saying, “Psych! I just wanted you to stop the very important task you were accomplishing. I actually really want to do this BY. MY. SELF. IdoitIdoitIdoit! I. DO. IT. BY. MY. SEWF!   !!!!!”

Also, and most importantly, even though you know that her request for help is her own little science experiment to test the time-space continuum between you and her… offer your help anyway. For if you do not respond, she will turn into a tornado with fangs and talons. Or at least she will scream at decibels so high one’s skull could crack.

This behavior makes absolutely no sense, but that is how it is with a three-year-old. One other note, pray without ceasing.

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I think Lucy (the above mentioned 3-year-old) may become the next host of What Not To Wear. She has become quite opinionated when it comes to fashion.

For instance. Yesterday we went to Macy’s to purchase some unmentionables for Mommy *wink*. I should know better than to take her in a dressing room. Aaanywho. On our way in, she saw a bright-pink manequin… with no head. Her observation:

That giwl (girl) is Not. Cute. She doesn’t even have a head!

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We walked into the dressing room. I tried on a dress – very similar to this one (but impossibly cuter because it had adorable sleeves and a bit of “sparkly” woven into the top, and also it was on me, but I digress…). I have no idea where I’d wear this dress – it was just cute on the hanger and I wanted to try it on. So there. I put it on and asked my little fashionista what she thought, 

I not yike it.

I turned to the mirror and fussed with it a bit. I sat on the bench to see if I could even sit in it. I looked at Lucy and she turned on a shy smile. I asked, “What?”. She said,

That cute dress, Mama. I YIKE it. *nodding*

And I was all, “I! know! Mommny should get it, huh?” She nods in agreement.

But I didn’t buy it. Full price. Wouldn’t be prudent. Plus, I looked so HAWT in it, what would The Public do?

Besides that, where would I wear it? I could wear it to the grocery store, and fall on my face in the freezer section for all the not-so-adept-at-walking-in-heels I am. Do you have any idea how often those grocery store people polish those floors? Shiny floors do not equal a successful trip to the grocery store in hawt heels.  I guess I could wear it when I take Lucy to preschool – oh how the preschool boys would swoon. Church? No, this number hugs the curves a little too closely. Not a church-wearin’ dress… I know! I should throw a “I Have Nowhere To Wear This Dress Party”. That could work… 

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Later that day Lucy and I happened upon a coffee shop. We each kicked-back on our own cozy purple chairs and sipped on our own special libations. A refined-looking woman wearing high heels, long black pants, and a stylin’ blazer-thing walked in. As the woman strutted by, Lucy’s stare followed her. Lucy shared her thoughts with me,

She cute.

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I got a cavity filled today. Haven’t had the pleasure of that experience in darn-near 20 years. I guess the cavity has been there 2 years, but I forgot until the dentist said he had some extra time after my cleaning today…

So. I got it took care uv. And now my tongue is numb. If we were face to face and not face to computer screen you’d be wiping spit off your face right now… and my words would sound like this:

I dauth uh cathity thilled thuthay…. *slllrrrp*. My thongue theelths rrreally *sssllllrrrppp* thunny…. 

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