Did you have opportunity to read yesterday’s post? I was a pathetic, overwhelmed, wallering mess. Very real-feeling, but pathetic and wallering… undoubtedly.
Wal-ler-ing:
v. when a chubby baby is oozing pints of green snot and her chubby hands rub, rub, rub that snot all over her cheeks and eyes and ears and hair. She wails because it’s miserable, but she keeps smearing the snot all over her chubby-helpless-baby being because she doesn’t even know what a tissue is! Poor baby! Somebody get her a mother!
I digress… when I write “wallering” - it is the adult equivalent of that. A helpless, emotional mess.
But you know what? In the moments between me emotionally and verbally vomitting the contents of my pre-menstrual aching brain all over the stinkin’ world wide world of the internet… Aunto Flo came knockin’. I clicked “publish” headed to bed, and… ummm… “answered the door”, if you will.
(Men? Did you stop reading?)
I knew it! I. Knew. It. I knew she coming, but there’s a window of 3-5 days. She’s not a good planner, that Aunt Flo.
And still… my under active thyroid is a problem.
Yes, the “too much to do and not enough time” thing is also still a problem.
Yes, the whole thing about my brain not stopping… EVERRR… that is also still a problem…
The guilt… the guilt… and the more guilt about ruining my children forever - is. still. a. problem.
Also, why does health insurance cost so much?
However. How. Ever. When Aunt Flo comes for her monthly visit - the week before her arrival she sends a magnifying glass that magnifies stuff. Imagine that! A magnifying glass that magnifies stuff! I am such a creative writer.
That magnifying glass increases in it’s magnificity (-ficiocity… -ficiousness… -ficitude…) as the day of Auntie’s arrival draws closer, until… KaPow! I finally see that the magnifying glass had been aiming a magnified beam of hot sun directly on my soul and conscience and the one nerve I have left.
Thank you dear friends (and family!) for your encouragement - not just in this post, but also in the multitudes before. Though I have not visited back in awhile, and can’t seem to keep up on replying to your comments… you keep encouraging me. And I am endeared to you… I WILL be catching up with each one of you. I have my hopes pinned on when school starts next week. Or sooner… or the week after. But I’ll be back… giving comment smooches, linky love, and handing out a diverse array of awards… or something.
:)
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Keep up-to-date on the insane, the insightful, and the whatever…
Still here and hangin’ with ya, girl. Ain’t that Aunt Flo a bitch? I got rid of her and told her never to come back. I don’t miss her a bit. However, I still feel the same emotions and crap, because the ovaries? They’re still in there. Damn them.
Why DOES health insurance cost so much?
Welcome back to the land of manageable sh*t. You can do it!
Hugs, Kathleen
Aunt Flo is never a fun visitor. She brings so much drama with her. I’m glad that the magnifying glass has been put away for the time being.
I hate insurance. It’s horrible. And you do realize you aren’t ruining your children forever, right? No one is perfect & that includes mothering. But you love your children & that counts for a lot.