***From the mind of the mother of 3 children. A post in which I propose and prove the following theory: “help” is - in fact- a form medieval torture for mothers.***
I don’t like “help”. Often times (read: every… time…), help is, actually Not. All. That. Helpful.
It’s not that I want or need to do all the work… make all the effort… I am a HUGE fan of minimal effort, but not a huge fan of “help”.
What I am trying to communicate is: If I have to do the work I want to control the pace, the rhythm, the progress. Progress people! Steady progress!
OR
I want someone else (read: adult) to do all the work. And not just the “start” but also the “finish”, because a “start” without a “finish” is not “ALL”… it is “helping”, and I think I have established I am not a huge fan of “help”.
Note: I write this with great guilt. My kids love to “help”, and this is a hard area in my relationship with my children. Especially when cooking. Especially. I need to let them “help”… because, for me, that is what a good mom does… teaches, nurtures… And I want to be that for them. Of course, not yelling would be a “good mom” thing also.
Baby steps.
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I HEAR YOU. As a mom of 4, I am frequently offered help. I would rather complete the task 100 times on my own than accept the help I am offered. Why? Because it would take less time to do it 100x than to do it once with “help.” “Help” = lots of fighting and mess and tears and snot and more mess and panic attacks.
I know exactly what you mean! Especially with the “helping” with cooking. My two year loves to help me when I am baking or cooking. She wants to watch, stir, mix…anything to help. The first couple of times it was just so darn cute..now, not so much. I just want to get it done :-)
oh yes, help… it’s such a well meaning word until you actually recieve help!
Sigh, I’m one of those moms too. It’s nice now that mine are 14 & 10. I can just let them loose on their own in the kitchen. I should probably supervise their bathroom cleaning, but oh well. I don’t use it. ;)
I too struggle with allowing my children to help in the kitchen. Perhaps b/c I always feel so pressed for time when I am cooking. Is there a 12 step program for this? I don’t really mean to sound flip, but that is how difficult it is for me to wait while they make such a mess and then all I can think about is how much more work it is for me to let them help. Did I just reiterate your whole post? Sorry!
I am so with you sister. And I’m glad to that I am not alone in feeling this way. My husband calls me a martyr, but I call myself a fan of just getting the shit done sometime this centry.
Hang in there girlfriend! The stress of the upcoming triathlon probably isn’t helping. Mine is 4 weeks away and I was getting cranky this morning. Visitors are hard too - even when we love them. Totally get where you’re coming from.
Right there with you. I don’t want “help” if they can’t keep up or worse, will slow me down. I’d rather do it all alone.
I’m such a bad mom.
Ahh, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one who feels this way. My children love to “help”. And my husband is all for it. He will let them go full tilt at whatever. But I am waaaay too anal retentive. Things have to be done my way or not at all. So I get no help in folding clothes, doing dishes, putting away groceries…My husband used to ask but he gave up many years ago. My kids still ask. They just ask their daddy more often.
I’m right there with you and everyone else. Just let me do it!!!! Sigh. Hope my kids won’t be scarred for life now.
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Yeah…..I smell what you’re stepping in sister! My hubby loves to help me do the laundry..which I hate to do. But his version stops with a huge ass pile of unfolded clean clothes on the sofa…so as to become wrinkled, so as to require ironing or go back in the dryer for a de-wrinkle tumble. My version stops with every laundry basket we own piled high with clean folded but not put away clothes.
Help. F-help I say. Can I help you by pouring a mean margarita over here?
You people are da shizzle… it is so comforting to not be the only one!