Jenny On the Spot

It seems that lately, the strongest emotion I feel towards my children is irritation. Like right now - they should be in bed, but they are not becauseIhavenoideawhy. I grind my teeth. I seethe. Profanities tear through my mind like farts tear through a digestive tract after a bean feed.

I like the word “fart”. It just has a ring to it. I also like “myocardial infarction”. It sounds like an educated person’s way of saying “fart”, except it is totally not. It’s another way to say “heart attack”. But saying “myocardial infarction”  sound so much more… edumacated-like. Don’t you agree? I digress, in the worst sort of way. It’s how I cope. See I am not even focusing on the fact that mykidsarestillnotasleepandtheyshouldbeand *gasp* Iamlosingmymind…

This morning I fell in love with Lucy all over again. I find I get lost in the “to do’s” of the day and let the schedule shape my emotion and approach toward my children. Shame, shame, shame…

Today was our last MOPS meeting and the little ones gave a concert of sorts. I HATE that I did not bring a camera of the picture-or-video-taking-kind. Drats! I know, billions of mothers adore their own children’s performances. But people, it wasn’t so much about how cute she was, but her spirit… her style… her heart… and the “water spout” pony tail - that was way too far on the top of her head - which exaggerated her efforts to “jump, jump, jump, into the light, light, light”. 

As she jumped (without stopping the entire song) next to her very dear friend “B”, I felt so sad I wasn’t catching it on film. The upside was, I was able to fully focus on her - make eye contact… catch her smile directly at me… and watch her excited jump, jump, jumps. I think our eye contact fed her fire. She seemed to be doing it all for me and my smiles. What power… I found tears forming as I realized how much I love her. My word… preciousness of all things precious. How purely radiant her heart and excitement… I felt so proud to be her mom. 

Of course I love her, but I think I get so caught up in the routine of life that I rarely get to just THINK about the fact that -  I desperately LOVE my little beings that drive me to madness! I hope I will always remember this morning. She is the youngest she will ever be. We can’t go back and “re-do” this time in our lives. Someday she won’t want that “water-spout” pony tail, and someday unrestrained jumping like a jumping bean will not be considered “cool”. Today… it was cool, very cool.

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