Monthly Archive for March, 2008

Spring Break! Spring Break! Spring Break!

Partay! Partay! Partay!

Hang on… What’s that? What’d you say? Oh. Yeah. Spring break, spring schmake.

I’m a mom… MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM. A Miz-utha in her mid 30’s… with 3 kids… and a minivan… with chocolate milk stains on the carpet… The “new car” smell has been overtaken by the “french fry” smell… The snot of my children’s runny noses is my “bling”… The “sparkle” in my eye is actually glitter from my 5 year olds’ latest art project… I know. I know. It’s overwhelming.

Today was our first day of spring break, and what’d we do? We hit the roller rink, yo! At ONE O’Clock IN THE AFTERNOON - snap! You are telling yourself, “Dude. She. Is. A. Party. Animal. The Roller rink at nap time?! That is hard-core! She is one hard-core Mutha’!” Roaaaaarrrrrr!

I’m sayin’. You don’t even know. But if you DO know… then… You Know… ya know?

So, I think my 5 year old was hit-on by a boy for the first time whilst we wuz rollin’ at the rink. He was prolly a whole 7 years old. Maybe 8.

I have to give the girl props. Olivia can roller blade. The girl has serious skillz. She still hasn’t surpassed the flamin’ hot skillz of her mother… but I better watch my back. There is no way I’m gonna let some “little girl” steal the limelight from me. No. Way. Next time that kid is gonna tell ME IIIIIII am a good skater. I digress… a lot.

So, this cute lil’ fella rolls by my girl and says, “Hey. You’re a really good skater.” She coolly replied, “Thank you.”

It is true. She IS. She was one of the smallest kids there, but her ability towered over her small frame. Really, if ya’ll saw her, you would have pointed and smiled and your jaws might have even become elongated for a time - because she has some serious roller-blading skillz. Serious. Impressive. Dyno-miiiiiiiiiiite.

I was pretty jealous proud. My little girl is growing up. She is showing great athletic potential. She may not be able to walk barefoot without gouging out an eye, but put those feet on wheels and set the wheels on a hard-slick surface and it’s like poetry… with 2 turntables and a microphone! Watching her reminded me of… of… me… on the dance floor. I’m not sure how I feel about this. What about me? What about me????!!!

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Published
by
jennyonthespot
on March 31, 2008
in 365, Family, General, Jenny Jen-Jen, Mutha' Hood, Olivia and Skillz
. 1 Comment

Peanut Butter. Bananas. Chocolate Chips.

A.K.A. The Promised Land

I love chocolate… semi-sweet and darker. Always. For eternity and beyond. It is welcome in my coffee, on my pancakes, on my graham crackers, in/on my cakes and cookies and donuts… I will eat it from a hat. I will eat it from a mat. I will take it from my Aunt Pat*. I will eat it until I am fat. I welcome it served in the shape of a bar, a circle, a trapezoid, a pyramid, or a volcano. But the best way for chocolate and I to be together is for it to be…. In. My. Mouth.

I love peanut butter. I love PB on a spoon, on apples, on celery, on bagels, on pancakes… but not in my coffee. Oh, peanut butter.

Bananas. Potassi-Yum! I love them all alone. I love them with peanut butter… I love them in the form of bread. I love them sliced into my cereal or on my head topped on french toast. Yes. But not in my coffee.

So, when Cathy over at Noble Pig posted her recipe for Peanut Butter Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins, I was all, “Uhhhh - Yeah!” And then I made them, and I was all, “Oh!Yeah!”

Bless you Noble Pig… do you hear the song coming… “You light up my life…. you give me hope…”

I know. My personality can lean toward “Obsessive”… and “Compulsive”… But I am also insecure, so if you have something mean to say about me - be sure you say it behind my back. Also - may I recommend… when you say those mean things - say them with a mouthful of Peanut Butter Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins…. ‘cuz, they rock!

*I don’t have an “Aunt Pat” - I just needed another -at word to rhyme with.

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on March 30, 2008
in 365, Bloggy Bloggy, Eats, General and The Love
. 3 Comments

It’s that time of year again…

Nope, not spring cleaning. What kind of Crazy does that?

Nope, not spring training. I don’t usually get too excited about a bunch of grown men practicing hitting little balls with little sticks. I do enjoy regular season Major League baseball for the garlic fries, hot dogs, beer and whatever other food I can manage to balance on my head while trying make it to my seat. Food. It is Always. About. The. Food.

Nope, not March Madness. I don’t “DO” basketball. Unless… I am wearing a really cute, polyester, pleated skirt trimmed in my school colors…. and I am sitting on the front row… and it is my team’s second time-out… and we are on D *clap* E *clap* F E N S E DEFENSE!… then I can use my arms and voice to show everyone my school pride… and I have shiny cheer-puffs of happiness, kick my legs high into the air…. and…. prolly fall on my butt, ‘cuz, people… I. Am. 35.

Tired of guessing? OK, I’ll tell you… Continue reading ‘It’s that time of year again…’

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on March 29, 2008
in 365, General and Swim/Bike/Run
. 6 Comments

A couple of videos to…

Crzack. You. Up… I know my sense of humor can be a bit off, maybe a bit “skewed” due to circumstances (maybe substances - such as chocolate, martinis or chocolate martinis - ooh…) and perhaps I’m a bit simple-minded… but I hope you laugh at least half as hard as I did. Half as much would be perfect, ‘cuz I darn-near tore my abs out their socket as a result of my laugh-inflicted seizure.

Anywho - here’s to getting your weekend off on the right foot… or whatever.

Let’s first see what all the hype is about this “Hawaii Chair”…

AND

No offense to Carrie Underwood - Lu-Huv. Hu-Er. I don’t have any of her music, but goshness she’s a talented little thing. So is this feller… Go ahead… Cletus, take the reel… what a friend…

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Published
by
jennyonthespot
on March 28, 2008
in Funny Funnerson and General
. 3 Comments

03.28.08 - Fridge Friday

Sorry voyeurs… no updated picture of my girl in all her glory today. I know, you are disappointed. She is exciting and fun and full of…. food and beverages. She. Is. So. Hot.

Perhaps a verbal picture will hold you over…. Imagine with me…. ***Listen! A harp! An angel softly plucks her strings…. the scale of notes tenderly go up and down, up and down, up and down***

The doors of my fridge open-wide to reveal….

  • That same dog-gone bottle of champagne! New viewers, tune in here. But some friends are coming over for breakfast tomorrow morning, Mimosa’s anyone???
  • More milk. Our milk delivery is on Thursdays, and as long as the mini-fridge is ka-put, a whole week’s worth of milk will take up space in this fridge.
  • Leftovers - a serving-spoon-full of shepherd’s pie, still in the casserole dish.
  • A dead head of lettuce. May should give him a name. Maybe I should run a “Name My Dead Lettuce Head” Contest… The prize: a dead-head of lettuce, I suppose?
  • Three dozen eggs - sans 2. Those 2 eggs are currently scoping out the interior of my belly. The rest are living the high-life in the fridge because we didn’t color eggs this Easter. I guess I DID buy eggs after all - unbeknownst to myself.
  • Three cans of whipping cream - still. I think I see whipping cream on french toast tomorrow morning…
  • Finger prints… OK, not IN, well… maybe there are some fingerprints IN, but mostly ON my fridge. While stainless steel is lovely in theory, there is a dark side. There is always a Dark Side. I’ll have to save that tangent for another post.
  • There’s more, but who wants to hear about the condiments and the yogurt and a few juice boxes… and the veggies. Oh, the Veggies. They always get the shaft. I wouldn’t be surprised if they are planning a revolt in the crisper as we speak as I type.

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Published
by
jennyonthespot
on March 28, 2008
in 365 and General
. 3 Comments

Another Meal, Among Other Things

It’s lunchtime. Again.

I don’t want to complain, but I need to whine. I am so tired of making lunch. anddinnerandbreakfastandsnackandlunchanddinnerandbreakfast andsnackandlunchanddinnerandsnack and dishes…. and crumbs…

Crying. There is wailing and gnashing of teeth in my humble filthy home. My home is a mess, but I look terrific! School is out and Miss Queen of All Threeness and Tyranny is sick. My oldest is sick too. The middle child sits whistling until she gets assaulted by her big bro who is not too sick to assault her. Super. I see you are turning green with envy.

Did I mention parent-teacher conferences are today? I had a place for the kids to go until the illnesses reared their feverish heads. NOW, because I WILL NOT reschedule my conference times (yes, back-to-back conferences)… I will drag all the sickness, the rage, the discontent, the very will of…. of…. Hell with me.

Pray for me. Pray for my community.

***meanwhile, the children are now contently muching on a healthy lunch of Cheez-Its… Maternally served by the 5 year-old… All three offspring are happily crunching orange, cheesy bits onto the couch and carpet… Cheez-Its must have some protein in them… yes???***

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Published
by
jennyonthespot
on March 27, 2008
in Fa' Real?, Family, General, Mutha' Hood, Spawn and The Confessional
. 4 Comments

My Favorite Quote:

You’re like my butt,
You crack me up.

I heard my husband say that to someone when we were dating… He knows how to make a girl swoon.

He used to have a bright yellow Toyota with a lift kit. It was “jacked-up”… this brought another quote that made me laugh, and makes me wish he still had that truck just so I could say it to people:

You’re like my truck,
You’re Jacked! Up!

Maybe I can come up with my own comparative witicism:

My blog is like birds who have flown South for the winter,
It’s all migrated and such….
Except I don’t have a stats program anymore,
And I don’t have my plug-in for posting pictures…
But then again… neither do migrating birds.

I’m wondering, my friends, do have one in you?

———-
*Have you subscribed to my RSS feed? Go ahead, Feed Me.*

Published
by
jennyonthespot
on March 27, 2008
in 365, Bloggy Bloggy, Funny Funnerson and General
. 1 Comment

Confession - You Kiss Your Mother With That Mouth?

I’m not going to fess up as much as I could - I do have an imaginary reputation to protect and all… so this confession comes with a clearly defined scope of what I’ll admit to. Read on…

I have braces. Have you ever tried to floss with braces? No? Then stay out of it. Look at you all high and mighty with your naturally straight teeth, and proper grammar. You amuse me.

Well, have you ever tried to floss with braces AND have an exqusitely exceptionally small mouth? Why don’t you try it. See how far the corners of your mouth will pull. Now pull twice as far. No. Harder. HARDER… I’m waiting…. Now wash your hands. Do you know how dirty your mouth is?

I absolutely cannot floss without cussin’. Tried it. Can’t do it. It is one of the single most infuriating activities I have ever had to voluntarily put my mind and body through… and I run half-marathons! Oh, I guess I’ve cursed then too. Mile 11 comes to mind…

So, there you have it, my Internet. You ask, “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?” Absolutely. I’m a flosser!

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Published
by
jennyonthespot
on March 26, 2008
in 365, General, Swim/Bike/Run and The Confessional
. 3 Comments

An Eggselent Idea

I know Easter is long gone now, but I just have to pass on this great idea - for next year. You may already know about this great idea, but just in case…

Hunting for eggs is never fair when more than one child is involved. You got your “egg-hoarder”, the “confused child”, your “laid-back” kid, maybe one kid who is not so quick out of the gate, and there is always the poor kid who is just “SOL”. Sorry, I cursed. But it’s true!

I went to a MOPS meeting last week, and heard this suggestion: assign colors.

That’s what I’m talkin’ about! Genius! Pure genius!

Maybe I love this idea because it exemplifies perfection - complete adult control! Aaaaaaand it worked for us on Sunday!

Each kid got a color. Each kid looked high and low for assigned color. The faster-finders helped the slower-finders, and it was quite heart-warming to watch the kids actually HELP each other instead of donning their full-body-tackle-gear in their desperate attempt to find as many eggs as possible.

After each child found their assigned color - they noticed 2 extra colors lying around - and each kid got to then find one more egg of each color… and again, by the end, the experienced hunters were creatively helping the strugglers find their extra eggs.

Win AND Win.

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Published
by
jennyonthespot
on March 25, 2008
in 365, General, Mutha' Hood, Spawn and Take My Advice
. 5 Comments

Not So Much - The Easter Bunny

Apparently, OUR Easter Bunny is not so bright. He left all his packaging in our trash can. He left the extra candy just sitting out in the open… OUR Easter Bunny must’ve missed the Easter Bunny training chapter titled: “Stealth and Deception: The Easter Bunny’s Most Crucial Skillz”.

My eight year old son found that trash can stuffed with empty Peeps boxes, fake grass wrappers, and the like. It was suspicious. He decided it was time to get some answers. He approached his father and asked that if there really IS an Easter Bunny, why is all that stuff in OUR trash can?

Who taught my son critical thinking? Who? I’ll kill ‘em.

My husband told Joel he needed a moment to think about it and left the room. When Paul returned he told Joel that the Easter Bunny sometimes is soooooo busy, he gives the parents a “Do It Yourself Kit” - if you will. So, the EB left all the stuff but Mom and Dad were responsible for assembly.

Paul is so smooth.

It appears my son didn’t fully buy his father’s clever, yet completely untrue reason… so he came to me. With leftover candy bag in hand he asked, “Mom? If there is an Easter Bunny why did he leave the candy… YOU are the Easter Bunny - aren’t you *big, big, big, big grin* He really thought he had me.

“Oh honey. The Easter Bunny just had some extra candy and decided to leave it here for us to enjoy. Isn’t he so sweet????”

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Published
by
jennyonthespot
on March 24, 2008
in 365, Family, General, Joel, Mutha' Hood and Not So Much
. 6 Comments